Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it. - Page 242

you called the ambulance because you were having "terrible chest pain" and have a history of mi and stents of course the doctor is going to admit youwhat did u think was going to happen

This is what I'm thinking while you rant and rave about minor crap and are non-compliant and nasty about everything: I'm so glad that I am not you and I get to go home in T-minus ______. No matter what I have to go through during the shift I get to leave this place and this situation and you will still be you at the end of the day.

Have you ever heard the story about the little boy who cried wolf?

I can relate! A couple of months ago I had one of those patients. Came in to the ER, about 0300 decided she didn't want the prescribed treatment. Doctor and I are both in talking with her about the rationale for treatment, her history, family history, possible complications. It was really frustrating. I'm all for patients controlling their health care decisions, but seriously--why come in if you don't want treatment?

To another couple of patients--it's been really wonderful getting to know you for these last three nights. You've been a joy to work with and your progress has been phenomenal. I wish you all of the best. Oh wait, I did tell them that.

If you dont want the doctor to treat your ailments that happened Years ago, stop mentioning them to him when you see him.

You are here Voluntarily, if you dont want to be here, going to continue to act like this, sign your 72 so we can get you out of here.

severe abd pain, onset three days ago? let me guess, you are allergic to everything but narcotics?

"You know how you went to ICU three times because you were completely unrousable and we didn't know why? And then the fourth time someone decided to a BAL as well as a drug screen, and found you 6 times over the legal limit? Yeah, don't do that again!"

It's been a couple of months - and today it was deja vu all over again...

To the mother of the 23-year old:

Yes, your son has a drug problem. No, this ER visit is not because he was "hanging around with those people". This ER visit occurred because your son injected heroin into this vein in his arm. When 3 stamp bags didn't give him quite the desired high, he used 3 more. And it was all a great trip, until his respirations settled around 2-3 per minute. The "poison" that paramedics administered counteracted the heroin and made him breathe spontaneously again. Yes, it made him a little agitated. Yes, he sure did take a swing at the MD treating him -- that's her over there, trying to continue to work while ignoring that red, swollen area on her left cheek.

And yes indeed, the police officer you see walking towards us is gathering statements from those of us who were present during his assault of the MD, and yes, when we're confident that enough time has elapsed since he injected the heroin, he will be leaving the hospital in the company of that officer to be booked on that charge, which is a felony in this state.

No I won't be needing your health history, I am paid to take care of your friend here in the hospital bed with the tubes, lines, etc.

Yes, I wish your momma would come off the vent, we could get rid of all these tubes, and she'd be well again -- so she could smack the ever lovin' buhjeezus out of your lazy, drug addicted gluteus maximus, kick you and all your drug buddies out of her house, and force you to grow up and get a job. You're 43, for pete's sake!