Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it. - Page 237

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  1. Dec 12, '11 by
    You are a grown man. Act like one.

    You're not my only patient. Nor are you even close to my sickest patient.

    If you can reach your mouth, you can wipe yourself.

    Nope, I can't give you your pain meds an hour early. I'd call and have the order changed but you fell back asleep the second you finished your sentence.

    You're HIV positive and your family cares for you...to the point of cleaning up your bodily fluids. Maybe you should tell them of your diagnosis.
    JZ_RN, maelstrom143, RoyalNurse, and 7 others like this.
  2. Guide
    Dec 12, '11 by
    Tell me everything you want me to bring you - the first time. I got too much **** to do for you to to decide when I bring you diapers that you need apple juice, and then pads, and oh by the way, can you change my sheets?
    JZ_RN, opossum, carolmaccas66, and 2 others like this.
  3. Jan 2, '12 by
    i am not incomprehensible because i am drunk. i am incomprehensible because you are drunk.
    JZ_RN, maelstrom143, liebling5, and 5 others like this.
  4. Jan 2, '12 by
    Quote from grntea
    i am not incomprehensible because i am drunk. i am incomprehensible because you are drunk.
    i luv this! it's like when the drunks turn up in the ed, & you start doing your assessment, they get narky when you're asking them a million questions, then ask you what is wrong with you! makes my blood boil that they drink all the time and have so little insight!
    JZ_RN, maelstrom143, and AngelfireRN like this.
  5. Jan 2, '12 by
    "If you're not going to contain your children, don't expect kid-glove treatment from me. Keep him OUT from under the sink, please, ma'am, and sit him up on the exam table so I can assess him. Your daughter is old enough to dress herself."

    This to the mother (and I use the term loosely) who disrobed her 7 year old completely to show me one patch of pruritis behind one knee (just taking the jeans off would have been fine). She allowed her one year old to run wild, opening the door and running up and down the hall, where the staff had to corral him and bring him back, and then acted surprised when, instead of my waiting and chasing after him (6 1/2 months pregnant here), I picked him up, told him "No!" and plopped him on the exam table, and then proceeded to (gasp!) EXAMINE him for the complaint listed on his sheet.

    I'm such a meanie. But the only form of correction thus far used was "I'm going to tell your Daddy!" and Daddy was nowhere in sight.

    I was not rough (I'd never be with a baby), and I didn't say anything, but she knew I was not a happy camper.
    uRNmyway, maelstrom143, RHC81, and 4 others like this.
  6. Jan 5, '12 by
    "No, they didn't give you "too much oxygen and dried out your nose". They neglected to offer you a humidifier for your setup. There's a difference.

    No, I don't think it's a good idea to just stop your abx siince you don't think they work and you have a tummyache.

    No, they didn't give you the Lovenox just to caue a superficial clot and make you hurt. They gave you that because YOU'RE 85 AND IN WITH BILATERAL PNEUMONIA! You're in no shape to be up. THAT'S why they gave it!

    No, I won't "just take a look at your d/c meds and tell you if I think they need to be adjusted". Every time I tell you to ask your provider about trying something, you just sigh and tell me she doesn't know anything. Honey, I live a hundred miles away and if you don't listen to her any better than you listen to me, I don't doubt she's given up on you.

    Yes, I do plan on nursing my son. I really hate that you weren't able to, but since we ain't related by blood, I hardly think that it's going to affect me. I'm still dealing with the comment you made about DH and I "needing to try for twins since I got such a late start". (I'm 31!)

    My grandmother in law, the noncomplaint wreck, just got released from hospital, and of course, I'm the go-to for all things medical. I love her to death, but ish, already.

    No I didn't say all of that to her...just the first 3 sentences, lol. After that, I bit my tongue. Darn thing's starting to get a callus.
    RHC81, sharpeimom, opossum, and 3 others like this.
  7. Jan 5, '12 by
    "If you have a problem with your GP, sort it out with her. I don't care that she's made it a condition of your methadone program that you can't see another provider, and no, I don't know if that's legal, and the information that you 'sneak off to see other doctors behind her back' is something I'm neither surprised by nor care about. And you know I'm not working today so please go tell the nurse who's being paid to listen to you today!"
    maelstrom143, AngelfireRN, opossum, and 1 other like this.
  8. Jan 5, '12 by
    *BIG SIGH* not you again!
    LPNnowRN, No Stars In My Eyes, AngelfireRN, and 4 others like this.
  9. Guide
    Jan 6, '12 by
    "I would like to express my awe and admiration for the immense fuss, whining and ignorance you displayed at the nurse's station. Next time you try to accuse me of shoddy care, it would be nice... if you knew what the gabba-gabba-hey you were talking about. That 'blank' look on my face wasn't due to my being 'slow-witted'. It was me restraining myself and being professional. The doctor has backed me 100% and you now look like a complete idiot. Now... buzz off... and make sure when you Google stuff that you: A) learn to discern reputable sources from non-reputable sources, B) use said reputable sources, C) understand said reputable sources and D) learn to address your concerns like the intelligent adult you are trying to pass yourself off to be. Thank you and we hope to see you again soon. Not."

    maelstrom143, opossum, caregiver1977, and 3 others like this.
  10. Jan 6, '12 by
    Nah. I just don't feel like playing this game today. Bye!
    opossum, carolmaccas66, Hygiene Queen, and 1 other like this.