Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it. - page 2
:spin:Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this: Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight. I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave. Yelling... Read More
Dec 15, '07No, threatening to leave AMA will not make me bring what ever you want that it's not time for any sooner. I will, however, offer to help you pack.
Dec 15, '07Quote from janhetheringtonI have given pts and their families doc's phone numbers and told them they should call. I've done it several times.I would LOVE to say to families, "If you think the doctor should be called for (whatever the minor and/or unreasonable demand is) please go ahead and call him yourself." I'm not talking about important things, which I will be glad to call for. I mean things like, "Where is the doctor? I think Mother could be discharged today and I'm here now so get him in here now." Or: "I know my cousin is getting a lot of pain medicine but he can still talk and I think he'd rather be knocked out so call the doctor to get something for that." Or: "My aunt takes vitamin C once in awhile and I know it's 11 p.m., but I think we should get that ordered tonight." Ughhh.Last edit by Valerie Salva on Dec 15, '07 : Reason: typo
Dec 15, '07Quote from RosalindRNHonestly....just when I thought I've heard them all! I can't believe anyone would ask that. So rude.No I wont change your disabled incontinent family members brief.....YOU are my patient and we're not running a 2 for 1 special today.........Thank you, exit left.
Here are a few I would love to say:
-I don't give a rats rip what the 'internets' says.....this is the procedure and this is how WE do it in this hospital.
-No. I don't think your baby is cute. And no, I am not going to sit here and play clappy-hands and goo-goo face to keep your kids yap shut. As a matter of fact, please take that screamin' demon out of this facility. This isn't a daycare. :angryfire
Dec 15, '07The second time you use your call light for something you are able to do for yourself,like pull your blanket up,fluff your pillow lift your glass to your lips with your perfectly fine hands, your call light will distribute a minor electrical shock to you kind of like a cattle prod.
But more importantly,I would like to tell one or two of my co workers that they are ugly on the inside.
Dec 15, '07No I wont get your husband a Tylenol and no I wont change your disabled incontinent family members brief.....YOU are my patient and we're not running a 2 for 1 special today.........Thank you, exit left.
:yeahthat: Do we work at the same place?
Dec 15, '07Quote from dbsn00And yet....."May I offer your *insert family member* an ativan?" would be SUCH a nice option wouldn't it?No I wont get your husband a Tylenol and no I wont change your disabled incontinent family members brief.....YOU are my patient and we're not running a 2 for 1 special today.........Thank you, exit left.
:yeahthat: Do we work at the same place?
Dec 15, '07Quote from The Bell JarYou will encounter that no matter where you work, as a nurse or anything else.But more importantly,I would like to tell one or two of my co workers that they are ugly on the inside.
Dec 15, '07"You want to leave AMA because I won't give your pain medicine 2 hours early? Be my guest."
"You don't know why your blood sugar is 495? Could it have anything to do with the donuts that your family brought in for you to eat because we were starving you on a 1800 cal diet?"
"If you push that call light one more time for something stupid, it is going where the sun does not shine."
"I certainly believe you when you say that you do not use illicit drugs, but your urine drug screen states otherwise."
"No, I will not hold your penis for you to urinate. Neither one of your hands are broken, nor have you had a stroke."
Dec 15, '07You really should wash yourself today because something is not smelling too good in here...and I know what it is.
or..( I had this last night ) You should not eat while sitting on the pot full of "doo-doo".
The things that we see.............
Dec 15, '07I forgot one.......Who takes care of you at home ? Oh really,the person is not doing a very good job...
Dec 15, '07How about, why are you here if you dont want us to do our job (xyz-- lab draws, VS, c/o being NPO, ect)
Dec 15, '07Oh my god I am glad to see this thread up here. I have just started a new job at a hospital. I have been here for about 2 mths now as a patient tech in a Cardiac unit. It a freakin madhouse and I'm really wondering if I made the right choice about working there. The patients are SO NEEDY AND DEMANDING!!!! It blows my mind every night to hear them talk to the staff the way they do. Here would be my list of what I'd love to say to them:
1) Oh, I'm sorry, did the sign outside say the Ritz Carlton on the door? Because the last time I checked this is NOT a resort it's infact a hospital and your prognosis is going to require a little effort on your part.
2) Why is it that when I ask your 300 pound butt to stand up on a scale you are tired and need me to throw out my back assisting you? But when you need that chocolate chip cookie on your table you suddenly have the strength of SuperMan?
3) As if it wasn't bad enough that Spanish is becoming the primary language in this country, I get the traditional stare of confusion when I ask important questions to patients who don't speak English. Now unless I had a freak accident while traveling, I wouldn't sit in a hospital in France and keep talking in English because they wouldn't understand me now would they? Why am I the only one who finds this disturbing?
4) Just because your family member sneezed, or sniffled doesn't mean I'm going to drop what I'm doing to rush to their side!!
5) This one is my personal favorite, every shift I hear numerous complaints about how bad the food is. What I would give to tell one of these patients, your in a hospital, not a hotel. That food you were eating that put on that extra 100 pounds may be the very reason your lying in that bed with shortness of breath!!! I guess that would just be an anwser with too much logic now wouldn't it?
6) Im completely aware you need a bed change from excessively sweating. Again maybe it's the fact that your 300 pounds?
I know many of you may read this and think I am insincere, but the simple truth is many patients I take care of could turn their health around if they lost some weight. It comes down to responability pure and simple. As you know heart disease is the #1 cause of death in women and many of these patients are so heavy they haven't seen their crotch in 10 years because of the belly hangin over it. Thanks for the rant.Last edit by tnbutterfly on Dec 19, '07
Dec 15, '07Almost forgot the classic....
7) I'd love to say "instead of pushing that call light all night long why not put that thing down and try washing your stinky crotch on your own for once?"