Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it. - page 183

:spin:Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this: Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight. I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave. Yelling... Read More

  1. by   talaxandra
    "If you have a problem with your GP, sort it out with her. I don't care that she's made it a condition of your methadone program that you can't see another provider, and no, I don't know if that's legal, and the information that you 'sneak off to see other doctors behind her back' is something I'm neither surprised by nor care about. And you know I'm not working today so please go tell the nurse who's being paid to listen to you today!"
  2. by   carolmaccas66
    *BIG SIGH* not you again!
  3. by   Hygiene Queen
    "I would like to express my awe and admiration for the immense fuss, whining and ignorance you displayed at the nurse's station. Next time you try to accuse me of shoddy care, it would be nice... if you knew what the gabba-gabba-hey you were talking about. That 'blank' look on my face wasn't due to my being 'slow-witted'. It was me restraining myself and being professional. The doctor has backed me 100% and you now look like a complete idiot. Now... buzz off... and make sure when you Google stuff that you: A) learn to discern reputable sources from non-reputable sources, B) use said reputable sources, C) understand said reputable sources and D) learn to address your concerns like the intelligent adult you are trying to pass yourself off to be. Thank you and we hope to see you again soon. Not."

  4. by   No Stars In My Eyes
    Nah. I just don't feel like playing this game today. Bye!
  5. by   PeepnBiscuitsRN
    From when I was an LPN in peds:
    "OH OF COURSE we'll still see you when you show up an hour and a half late for your child's wellness exam! Oh- pppppt that kid having the asthma episode over there coughing himself into vomiting? Nah, he can wait! I know that 3:20 in your culture is just a suggestion. And I know it's a LONG walk from the high rise next door to the clinic...350 feet away... Oh, what's that? You need an interpreter? I'm sure he'll be simply FLYING up here with bells on his fingers and toes, I know he was just sitting down there, twiddling his thumbs waiting for YOU to show up! He'll be so happy!"

    "Since you waited until your child's first day of kindergarten to show up and demand an appointment for him to get his shots, I'll let you give them to him, while I kick you in the butt repeatedly for ruining your little guy's big day."

    "I'm sorry, I don't know where your 2 year old went...I think I saw him walk out the east door- what, you mean you didn't see him leave while you were out there having a smoke and screeching on your cell phone?"

    "I know you no speak english- but THIS IS A BABY. Baby no understand boundaries. You put baby on exam table and go bye bye out of room...baby fall...SPLAT!"

    "Oh yeah, Doritos will help your puking 15 month old. The NP who told you to feed him bland foods? PUH, she doesn't know anything, she's only been an NP since 1974."

    To the dad who told his 4 year old son to take the 6 shots he was about to get "Like a man": "sir I'm going to have to ask you to bend over...I have a nice coathanger that has your name on it...take it like a man..."

    To the mother who figured using new-age philosophy on her hysterical 4 year old would coax him into letting me give him his flu shot (and after 20 minutes let him lead her by the hand out the door stating "this was just too traumatic for him") "Thanks for wasting 30 minutes or more of my time that I could have been using centering myself in meditation...I'll be tuning in on my rage vibrations now."

    "No. No we don't have any snacks for your kid. See, you decided to show up 45 minutes late for your appointment, without notifying us that you would be late, you made a stink that you would have to wait until the doc had some time to see your child and the sibling who apparently also needs 20 shots, so no it's not our job to feed your child."

    "Hey, I know why your 12 month old is coughing and wheezing! EGAD! I'm not even a doctor! It's because YOU are a walking ashtray! Man, I deserve $40.00 an hour too!"

    To the 16 year old and her 40 something mother: Wow, now lets see, who is the child here for the STI check and birth control is it YOU the sneering little trollop with so much makeup a Kewpie doll would be envious, or YOU, the fake baked, fake blond, anorexic wearing your 16 year old's super low rise jeans...oh and what a classy thong and tramp stamp, did you guys get matching ones after you got your belly buttons pierced and went shopping at Wet Seal?"

    (I worked at this clinic for 4.5 years, this is therapy I tell you, I could go on and on!)

    Current things as an RN:
    "WILL. YOU. SHUT. UP?!!!!!!!"

    "My name is not "nurse" I have kindly written my name for you in giant black letters on that board therein front of you"

    "I'm sorry, the whole unit is out of graham crackers, it's because you ate them all...see your waste basket? It's over flowing with wrappers. No I will not get you a boxed lunch, you ate all of those too. NO I WILL NOT GET YOU A POPSICLE! You know why? BECAUSE *I* ATE THEM ALL...and know what? They were gooooooooodddd."

    "Nothing says 15/10 pain like sitting there gobbling up some pie and yukking it up with your current boyfriend!"

    "Golly sir, I'm sorry I woke you up, next time that little alarm starts shrieking "V-Tach" I'll just let you sleep."

    "Yes, I became a nurse because I LOVE seeing people in pain, especially YOU. Ya caught me, I'm a sadist. Yep, I'm not giving you the Dilaudid 2 hours early because I just LOVE making people sit there in pain. It's my philosophy of life. Make everyone miserable. Yep that's why I became a nurse."

    To the creep with the giant swastika tattoo (and other hateful inkings) on his back: "you're in 10/10 pain?....Good.
    Last edit by PeepnBiscuitsRN on Jan 8, '12 : Reason: Tweaked some wording.
  6. by   AngelfireRN
    Feel better? LOL, that made my day.
  7. by   NewAggieGrad09
    Yes...we purposely have your child, who is here for PNA and JUST came off oxygen like 2 hours ago, on the monitor so that it will drive you both crazy overnight. If I have to be up for 12 hours overnight, as should you! Hospital does not equal hotel.

    Of course your child is whimpering in pain...you are touching AND lifting the elbow he just fractured. He was just asleep, and looked quite peaceful after getting morphine 30 minutes ago. If you leave his elbow alone, he'll stop crying. Voila!

    You have a call bell AND I wrote down my ASCOM phone number as a way to get me when you need me. Stalking me and entering another patient's room to tell me your baby needs a bottle is inappropriate...and scary.

    Sooooooo sir....you are 17 and have been bleeding from your butt for 4 days, and felt that waiting to tell your parents that long was a good idea, but as SOON as you hear your IV pump beep completed, you lean on the call bell? Priorities young
    man....priorities.

    Wait, let's not fight all night about refusing vitals, meds, labs, etc...I'll go get your AMA form!

    I'm sure I have more, but I have to run and force my DKA teen pt to let me take her blood sugar...funsies!
  8. by   Hygiene Queen
    Quote from PeepnBiscuitsRN
    From when I was an LPN in peds...
    I don't work peds... but that rant even made me feel better!
    Thanks for exorcising a few demons there...
    That was great!

  9. by   AngelfireRN
    I'm going to preface this by saying that I had a very bad day, a very difficult patient, and a very hard time keeping myself from running my fist through her face. And no, I didn't say any of what I'm about to type to the patient.

    "Listen, you pitiful excuse for a human being, don't you DARE EVER AGAIN come in here for a complaint that requires 3 of us (myself and 2 nurses, one on each leg) to participate in a pelvic exam that will give me nightmares for years to come. And after these 2 nice ladies have probably thrown out their respective backs and I have just gone headfirst and elbow-deep in a place that has not had the pleasure of a bar of soap in longer than I care to imagine, DON'T YOU DARE tell me that WE wasted YOUR time, because you have been refused your dope of choice. And after I have been through that experience, DON'T you have your freaking MOTHER (this patient was older than me!) come back in and tell us that we didn't treat you well because you asked for narcotics and didn't get them."

    This woman came to a walk-in clinic, with a complaint that required a pelvic to check a device. There was no way around it. She was morbidly, morbidly obese. That I do not mind. But morbid obesity does not equal funk. And funk, she had. I don't mind some BO, if you can't help it...but if you're gonna come in with THAT, at least try to wash. Heck, since Mama's so darn concerned, let HER wash if you can't.

    I explained all in detail what would happen before we ever started, and she agreed. She then proceeded to pitch a fit like none I've seen over a speculum exam. Just pure drama, she started before I even touched her. Assessed what I needed to, took samples, very thorough exam. She had assured me before we ever started that she was used to these exams, apparently had had issues in the past that required multiple PAPs.

    After everything, I told her the treatment I thought was warranted. She asked for 'something strong for pain'. No history on her, no clue what she usually takes, no way to check, no exam finding that would require those meds, sorry. Follow up with your regular doc in the am. She became irate and accused US of wasting HER time.

    Honestly, if all you want is drugs, that's a heck of an experience to put yourself through to get them.

    I was so mad, I had to leave the room, before I snapped. Went home and bawled my eyes out, and when I'm mad enough to cry, stay away from me. But to have to go through that and then be called everything but a white girl...no way. Our OM said she'd deal with her if anything was ever said or if either of them came back in. She was mad FOR me.

    And now, hoping for a better today, and an even more better (lol) 7-day off stretch.
  10. by   ayla2004
    dont you have intermediate care or discharge coorindators pushing for discharge.
    Do you work in the UK NHS?
    What i found most limiting when i worked cote rehab was the number of patients who expected nurses to wash/dress and wheel them anything more that a few steps as they had carers whodid it all for them. You can't rehab someone who doesn't want to move themselves, Physio and OT weren't involved as patients were as baseline aggh.
  11. by   Esme12
    Quote from AngelfireRN

    After everything, I told her the treatment I thought was warranted. She asked for 'something strong for pain'. No history on her, no clue what she usually takes, no way to check, no exam finding that would require those meds, sorry. Follow up with your regular doc in the am. She became irate and accused US of wasting HER time.

    Honestly, if all you want is drugs, that's a heck of an experience to put yourself through to get them.

    I was so mad, I had to leave the room, before I snapped. Went home and bawled my eyes out, and when I'm mad enough to cry, stay away from me. But to have to go through that and then be called everything but a white girl...no way. Our OM said she'd deal with her if anything was ever said or if either of them came back in. She was mad FOR me.

    And now, hoping for a better today, and an even more better (lol) 7-day off stretch.
    Of all the nerve.....and you are a better woman than I.....to go where no sane person should Kudos to you....have a peaceful day off
  12. by   No Stars In My Eyes
    Quote from Esme12
    Of all the nerve.....and you are a better woman than I.....to go where no sane person should Kudos to you....have a peaceful day off

    Kudos from me, too! Whenever I see Angelfire has posted on this thread I KNOW there's gonna be a beaut, but I think this one beats all!
  13. by   AngelfireRN
    "Yessir, I believe you when you say that that silly codeine allergy you have listed is wrong, that codeine 'just makes your stomach hurt'. However, since this is your first visit here, I have no history on you, and no way to know that for sure, I have to go with what I have. Yes, I know dental pain is not pleasant, but then, neither is my having my license revoked. I really doubt that, should I take you at your word and give you some Vicodin, and then you go and crump on me, the judge withh just smile and nod when I say 'But Your Honor, he SAID it wasn't really an allergy!'"

    Yep, I'm serious. Asked for Vicodin, Darvocet, and finally Demerol. He got ibuprofen and abx. If his PCP feels ok prescribing a codeine derivative, fine by me. Then SHE can smile at the judge.

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