Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it. - page 164
:spin:Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this: Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight. I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave. Yelling... Read More
Jun 7, '11There's a reason you have 3-4+ pitting, weeping edema in your legs....because you won't follow Dr's orders!!!
Jun 7, '11You don't want to be here, I don't want you here, the administration doesn't want you here, but the State says you have to be here since we can't throw you on the street. The least you can do is be a little more polite.
Jun 7, '11To that sweet lady patient, who went to the door, informed my OM that "Us girls are gonna have us a little time." and proceeded to shut said door and hold me in a hug and let me bawl my eyes out for ten minutes, thank you. Thank you so much.
Backstory on that...in the course of about 2 months, I had a miscarriage, and then lost my best friend, the love of my life, who I'd have married had I not married my DH. He died on a Sunday, I was at work on Monday, trying my darnedest to hold it together, and she saw it.
So, to her, and to all that were so sweet to me that week, which remains a blur...thanks. Nothing on the planet could have made it OK, but y'all made it better.
Jun 7, '11You filthy old man! You say awful things to the nursing staff about your wife(while she is sitting right there) and then proceed to grab my behind while I am attempting to transfer your 265lb. Jabba the Hutt frame into the lift. Then giggle about it when I reprimand you! You are disgusting. BTW, that was me that immediately reported you to the administrator who then came in and told you if you handled another CNA like that you would be charged with assault and shipped off to any facility that would take you.
And No, I do not appreciate your filthy jokes about nurses and "oral fixations" you filthy creep. You are here to rehab from a stroke you brought on yourself by eating nothing but Big Macs and fries, washing it down with a six pack of beer for years and smoking 3 packs a day. You are NOT here to fulfill your sick fantasies about nurses.
How that poor wife of yours has tolerated you all these years is beyond any of us. If I could, I would provide her with a recommended diet of super high fatty foods and tell her to up the insurance quickly. Then let your filthy appetites do you in. You are such a creep.
Jun 7, '11"No, I will not lather your butt up with xenaderm as you stand up perfectly, bend over with your backside facing me, and proceed to spread your buttcheeks wide open with your perfectly able hands. We did not operate on your hands, they work JUST fine. If you can reach far enough back to hold 'em open, I'm prettyyyy positive you can apply the cream yourself. And whats that? You're going to be d/c tomorrow? Even more of a reason to be doing things for yourself. You're an adult, so start acting like one."
And to all my older male patients who think it's okay to make gross perverted comments... Pleaseeeee stop. It's uncomfortable and extremely inappropriate. Not to mention you're old enough to be my dad/grandfather and it's just flat out SICKENING. Thanks.
Last edit by Ashley_RN on Jun 16, '11
Jun 7, '11To the 10/10 abdominal pain guy found drinking soda when I called him in the ER waiting room:
You are a damn drug seeker! Don't try to whine in pain when I call your name and hold your stomach when I just saw you gulp down a soda. Don't tell me you prefer an IV in your neck for "pain relief".
When I tell you we will not be doing an EJ for pain relief but will give you IM injections, don't attempt to "help me find a vein". Said vein shows evidence of IV punctures that shows stages of healing. Don't lie and say "I've been clean 2 years, 5 weeks, 3 days and counting". I will give you a mean side eye.
And don't act like you ain't never had Dilaudid. After all, you ARE allergic to every other narc and NSAID under the sun. Don't ask me how many milligrams I'm about to give you. Also, don't tell me "I don't feel anything" literally 30 seconds after I've pushed it in your fluids. No, I will NOT give you a rush!
When I go back to check on you, you are clearly in your herion nod, and rubbing your nose, you can barely speak in clear sentences, but you can moan and hold your stomach saying you are still in pain. Whatever!
And when I bring your 2 oxycodone tablets, I saw you chew them instead of swallow them.
You are now discharged and the attending is on to you. Don't try to barther the attending doc into writing a different script for oxycodone. You are only getting 10 tablets. Don't attempt to stalk the attending when he is speaking with the residents about a critical pt. You will get security called on you. Don't tell us you need the 10 tablets in your hand NOW because you don't have any money to fill said script. That is NOT our problem!
You have been discharged and you are being escorted out by security! Try that ish at another ER!
Jun 7, '11I notice you have the decency to get off the mother effing floor, stand up, pull up those ridiculous hip-hop pants, and look ashamed when the doctor (male) or any other male for that manner comes in the patient's room. What about me, you stupid bleep? You misogynistic cretin. Get your bleeping hands out of your pockets, that idiotic backwards baseball cap off your microcephalic head, and salute the nurse as she enters the room. And don't even think i want to hear any questions from the tatooed, multiple pierced (you even have piercings on your forskin don't you, you freak) shiftless, beavis and butthead-styled teenager standing before me. You aint no Maori warrier you know. You've got to be kidding me. You haven't done anything decent in the 20 years you've been alive to be allowed to even ask me a single question. I'm a NURSE, bat crap dummy. Show some respect, clean up your act, speak proper English, and keep your damn mouth shut. Better yet, i want you to say "I'm sorry, i'll leave now while you tend to my mom." Then get the hell out of dodge.
Jun 7, '11Quote from RHC81My mom (a BSN) and I have wondered whether botany would be more our speed. Plants don't act bat"stuff" crazy. Usually.
Right on. I love plants, too. Used to want to start up a nursery business. Always on the lookout for interesting plants.
Jun 7, '11Quote from AngelfireRNEnchantment? Honey? Did you have a bad shift, perchance?
Nah, just having a little fun getting creative with words. Lol.
Jun 7, '11Yes, that is a septum ring hidden inside my nose. You think it's stupid and makes no sense? OK. So, your shooting heroin multiple times a day is an absolutely genius thing to do and makes perfect sense, right? Riiiight...
Jun 7, '11Quote from bluemushroomnot making any value judgements here -- just curious. isn't that painful? and if it's inside your nose, what's the point?yes, that is a septum ring hidden inside my nose. you think it's stupid and makes no sense? ok. so, your shooting heroin multiple times a day is an absolutely genius thing to do and makes perfect sense, right? riiiight...
i'm too middle-class, middle-aged and midwestern to understand that. but i'd like to.
Jun 7, '11Quote from Ashley_RNDitto
And to all my older male patients who think is okay to make gross perverted comments... Pleaseeeee stop. It's uncomfortable and extremely inappropriate. Not to mention you're old enough to be my dad/grandfather and it's just flat out SICKENING. Thanks.
Your nurse is not going to be giving you a 'hand' with anything
Why is this the most common funny from your family and friends?
Your gender, culture or age does not give you permission to behave like that.
And BTW, you might spend your leisure time in strip clubs and looking at online porn .... so you had better switch it off when you come in here.
We don't think you are funny .. you are a chauvinistic arrogant pervo