Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it. - page 105

:spin:Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this: Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight. I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave. Yelling... Read More

  1. by   EarthChild1130
    Originally Posted by EarthChild1130
    1. I think it's wonderful that you are the Great White Spirit and Jesus in one person...I also think it's 'neat' that you can, according to you, teleport to Philadelphia in 7 minutes flat...I do not know, however, if Risperdal Consta will interfere with your teleportation abilities...let me give it to you anyway and you can tell me later if it you were able to go!

    Quote from tencat
    So, DID it interfere with his/her ability to teleport?
    He came in 2 weeks later for his next shot and informed me that he had created a shot which would cure, in no particular order, syphillis, mental illness, AIDS, herpes, and "all the world's ills". He didn't say if he'd tried teleportation! lol I really want to go to the bank or the grocery store with him one day...he always comes in, dressed impeccably...I mean to the T...but when he opens his mouth, some of the most bizzare stuff comes out...I always wondered what the cashiers at the grocery store thought when he went in to buy cereal or something!! I love him to death though...he's great
  2. by   talaxandra
    Quote from pca_85
    I know your roomate's oxygen tank is loud, sorry everyone came running in here panicing and waking you up when she started turning blue because you turned it off.
    Oh. My. GOD! I think we have a hands down for Winner of Bastard Patient of the Year!
  3. by   nerdtonurse?
    Oh, stop whinning. I've been sicker than you and went to work.
  4. by   pca_85
    Quote from talaxandra
    Oh. My. GOD! I think we have a hands down for Winner of Bastard Patient of the Year!
    That lady was a joy. Right before I left that facility, she put a genteleman in a wheelchair wearing nothing but lift pad fashioned into a cape, stuck him in the elevator, and sent him to the chapel, where he proceeded to do what I can only describe as unholying the holy water before taking a nap. Thank God I was off that day.
  5. by   talaxandra
    Nice... was that when the rest of the staff decided to stick her in the elevator wihile the car was on another floor?
  6. by   pca_85
    They'd never, she was related to higher ups. Love when that happens. Life is so fair.
  7. by   pca_85
    Ooooo, thought of another one. "Hello family member of a patient everybody hates. I'm doing fine, even though I'm pouring sweat and my uniform has more bodily fluids on it than a motel six carpet. Why do I keep looking behind you, dear family member? LOOK AT THIS!(Envision me waving a full, starting to rip bag of gag worthy waste of choice a inch away from this persons face). Gross, huh? That's why I'm trying to get to the soiled utility room, which you have parked yourself in front of for the last twenty minutes and get offended when staff asks you to move. MOVE! MOVE! I will knock you down, I'm counting to three......"
  8. by   fuzzywuzzy
    Quote from pca_85
    my uniform has more bodily fluids on it than a motel six carpet.
  9. by   nursemichelle80
    Oh man! I have a patient right now that I would love to let read this. He is a total psych patient and loves to swallow coins. They just pulled a quarter out of his a** yesterday as a matter of fact! He says he has "seizures". He just called me to say he "blacked out in the bathroom floor". Somehow he miraculously made it to his bed. When I asked him how he said, "I crawled". RRRRR! All neuro check and VS are normal. He is a known "drug seeker". I really hate using that term but its true! He is taking precious time away from my patients who really are sick.
  10. by   nerdtonurse?
    Yeah, have you ever noticed how they'll stop seizing immediately if you tell someone else in the room, "Gee, I can't get the Adivan in with him shaking like that..."
  11. by   nursemichelle80
    I just have to say...this thread kept me in stitches all night!!!!! So dang funny!!!! Gonna forward it to friends!
  12. by   nursemichelle80
    Quote from nerdtonurse?
    Yeah, have you ever noticed how they'll stop seizing immediately if you tell someone else in the room, "Gee, I can't get the Adivan in with him shaking like that..."
    Yeah he is a huge PITA! I think he knows I'm onto him too... RRRRRRR! I seriously want to go slap him right now...but I must maintain composure. LOL!
    Funny thing is that he doesn't realize, most pts don't "recall" having a seizure!
  13. by   nerdtonurse?


    No, ma'am I will not be giving you an enema at 3 am; You have pooped daily and you had such a large bowel movement at 2200, I can't believe there's anything left to come out. Do you routinely wake up and give yourself an enema in the middle of the night?

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