Things pts say that make you scratch your head.

Nurses Relations

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1.) "I am very health conscious, and a bit of a germaphobe"

+ for cocaine.

2.) " I can't breathe, the nebs don't help, I'm allergic to steroids, because they made me swell"

Me: do you feel like your cant catch your breath, or can you not breathe through your nose?

"Can't breathe through my nose." (Sats 97%)

Now, she was wheezy, and I really think a hit of steroids would make her feel a ton better, but I guess breathing is secondary to swelling...

Specializes in Med/Surg & Hospice & Dialysis.

PCT replacing tele leads: pt "you just wanna see my tits" (PCT is female). Same pt tells same PCT "I bet you get a lot of good lovin'"

Patients' Son: My mom needs dilaudid through her IV right now

Doctor: How about we try tylenol to see if that helps

Patients Son: No, she can't swallow pills,,,,,,.

Those patients are so much fun!

Specializes in Public Health, L&D, NICU.

Labor patient with a rather elaborate floral tattoo just above her pubic hair. My coworker was doing something that had the patient uncovered. The other nurse didn't make any comments about the tattoo, but the patient volunteered, "I wanted a pretty tattoo so my husband would have something nice to look at when my husband goes down on me." umm, thanks for sharing.:bored:

Specializes in Med-Surg.
I had a patient that was a "vegan" and trying to order lunch from a heart healthy menu. There are some high sodium items that you can't have with this diet, pizza and pancakes being two of them.

BREAKFAST

Patient: Call the doctor, they won't let me order pancakes. They are telling me I need to order French toast.

Me: You don't like French toast?

Patient: No, I don't eat fetuses and French toast is full of them!

QUOTE]

well in her defense french toast is made by dipping bread in eggs...eggs=chicken fetus, so I can get why she didn't want french toast. But the cheese pizza when she is vegan and doesn't eat cheese...can't defend her there haha.

You realize there are eggs in pancakes too right? Well, the recipes I have used do anyways.

You realize there are eggs in pancakes too right? Well, the recipes I have used do anyways.

I do realize that there are eggs in pancake batter. But there are pancake mixes that don't require you to add an egg, just water (whether or not the egg is already in the premade mix I have no idea, I hate pancakes. Don't eat them, don't make them). I'm guessing that the hospital food service isn't whipping together a from scratch pancake batter.

Specializes in Med-Surg.

I agree, they probably don't. But I think even the powdered, just-add-water mixes probably have some kind of egg protein in there for binding purposes. Anyhoo, kind of off topic lol.

Specializes in Med/Surg & Hospice & Dialysis.

Make sure no one steals my underwear. (The dirty pair she had on at admission.

I am not hard up enough to steal dirty drawers. Promise panties would be a better option.

I leaned over an elderly female patient that was NOT confused and she said "Wow, you have really nice breasts!"[/quote']

Lol one of the reasons why I always wear a t-shirt under my scrub top.

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Specializes in Emergency Room, Trauma ICU.

Lol one of the reasons why I always wear a t-shirt under my scrub top.

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I always wear a tank top under mine in case I get so much bodily fluids on me it needs to be cut off!!

Specializes in LTC.

We used to have a resident in the LTC I work at that would constantly put on her call light to c/o not being able to find her call light.

I once had a patient ring every fifteen minutes or so to have the door closed -- and the only reason it was open was because I had to open it to go into the room to answer the call bell.

Specializes in Med/Surg & Hospice & Dialysis.

Do you use any substances not prescribed by your doctor? No

Your drug screen is positive for marijuana and meth/amphetamines. "My roommate smokes pot all the time, so that's why it showed up. I don't know what meth even is, it must be something that is positive when you take these meds I'm on" (med list contained opiates)

Ummm okee dokie.

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