Things pts say that make you scratch your head.

[Mommy&RN]

1.) "I am very health conscious, and a bit of a germaphobe"

+ for cocaine.

2.) " I can't breathe, the nebs don't help, I'm allergic to steroids, because they made me swell"

Me: do you feel like your cant catch your breath, or can you not breathe through your nose?

"Can't breathe through my nose." (Sats 97%)

Now, she was wheezy, and I really think a hit of steroids would make her feel a ton better, but I guess breathing is secondary to swelling...

[Mommy&RN, BSN, RN]

I had the parent of a neuro-devastated pediatric patient (who had been that way since birth but had survived a long time) tell me that the child had a drug problem and they were homosexual. The parent was not joking or being sarcastic.

Sad!!!

[Mommy&RN, BSN, RN]

"I CAN'T f************** breathe!!!!"

- Normally shouted at about the volume of a jet engine taking off.

You know that's the first response. I had a pt yelling about not being able to breathe, several nights in a row, seems anxious. Called for a treatment. Mask when on, he arrested. I said that would always give me a doubt about "if you can yell, you can breathe"

[maataus]

COPD'er with no known family, just off the vent after 4 days.

Pt: No. I don't smoke.

Me: Did you smoke in the past?

Pt: I used to hang on to a cigarette almost all day, but I never inhaled.

Me: A lit cigarette? Did you bring it to your lips? How many a day would you light?

Pt: Yes, lit. Of course I brought it to my mouth but I didn't take a deep breath while it was there, it just sat between my lips when I needed my hands. I usually used 1-2 packs a day. I'm a very nervous person and I needed my hands to be busy all the time.

Obviously, attempts at eduction were rebuffed.

Interesting!

[Mommy&RN, BSN, RN]

Interesting!

"I did not inhale"

[Morganalefey]

"NURSE! I CAN'T BREATHE! I CAN'T BREATHE!"

"Can I have a drink of water?"

O2 Sats: 98%

[anotherone, BSN, RN]

"NURSE! I CAN'T BREATHE! I CAN'T BREATHE!""Can I have a drink of water?"O2 Sats: 98%

sometimes it is bogus . sometimes it is not and the next day s/he throws a pe, needs a a chest tube etc

[itsmejuli]

Not a patient but a friend:

Friend "I want to live a long time, I'm seeing an alternative medicine doctor and eating organic food. I also got chemical free shampoo, soap, tooth paste and I got a filter for my shower so I don't get chlorine on my skin. I also do 5 minutes of bouncing every day...its good for you."

me: "ok"

Friend: "I can't walk upstairs or walk fast, I get short of breath and dizzy sometimes. And sometimes I wake up short of breath in the middle of the night"

me: "that's not good, did you ask your doctor about this?"

Friend: "no"

me: ????

[Kittypower123, BSN, RN]

Well, not a patient, but a family member.

I work in LTC and the daughter comes running up to nurse's station yelling "Call 911 she can't breath!" Knowing this family and patient, I did not pick up the phone, but instead ran to the room (I carry a cell phone in my pocket - so I can call from the room). I find the patient sitting on the bed, holding a nebulizer treatment that was running and carrying on a conversation with another family member.

O2? 98%.

Patient's complaint? "I feel nauseous."

Daughter still insisted on sending her to the ER.

[CT Pixie, BSN, RN]

I had a patient that was a "vegan" and trying to order lunch from a heart healthy menu. There are some high sodium items that you can't have with this diet, pizza and pancakes being two of them.

BREAKFAST

Patient: Call the doctor, they won't let me order pancakes. They are telling me I need to order French toast.

Me: You don't like French toast?

Patient: No, I don't eat fetuses and French toast is full of them!

QUOTE]

well in her defense french toast is made by dipping bread in eggs...eggs=chicken fetus, so I can get why she didn't want french toast. But the cheese pizza when she is vegan and doesn't eat cheese...can't defend her there haha.

[Lahryn04]

I heard this little exchange on CosmoRadio on Sirius/XM not too long ago... Between a random caller (male in his 30's) to Dr. Jenn's "Love & Sex Show. She is a psychotherapist. Here goes a shortened version:

John Doe: hi I was calling because I just got my STD test back today and have tested positive for HSV type 1, oral herpes... Not the genital kind.

Dr. Jenn: ok go on

JD: well I just feel very lost and alone right now and feel like my social life is over...

Dr. Jenn: well... It's not. But what's your question for me?

JD: Well. As soon as I found out I went online to research this disease and looked at pictures... I have a 5 y/o daughter and I was just wondering how I should tell her mother that I have this disease?

Dr. Jenn: ok... Are you kissing her mother?

JD: oh no we've been separated for a few years now.

Dr. Jenn: ok are you sleeping with her, are you going, ya know, down south on her? Are you doing ANYTHING physically or romantically with her?

JD: oh no not at all...

Dr. Jenn: well then it's none of her f'ing business!! You seriously are that concerned?!

I was laughing so hard I almost had to pull over due to the tears streaming down my face!! Yes I get that this IS still an STD and people are sensitive to that fact but this man was convinced he had an HIV-like disease and was getting super dramatic about it!! She goes on to explain more to him about said STD nicely and in the end all was well, but this just struck a funny bone in my body at the time. Hopefully you other "health care inclined" people will get a chuckle as well! And once again I've written a book! Sorry :)

[roser13, ASN, RN]

Family of 3, mom, dad and pre-teen son (patient), all extremely obese. Dad is unhappy at how long it's taking to discharge son after tonsillectomy.

Dad puts on the call light and when nurse enters the room says "WHEN are we getting out of here? You see this woman here (points to wife)? She's a DIABETIC and she ain't had nothin to eat since a DOUGHNUT this morning!!"

[paradiseboundRN]

I leaned over an elderly female patient that was NOT confused and she said, "Wow, you have really nice breasts!"