The nurses every co-worker hates - page 2

I don't know exactly how the context of this message will be articulated, but I am interested in gaining knowledge on the topic & opinions. So, I am a seasoned nurse, not that it should make any... Read More

  1. Visit  FlyingScot profile page
    0
    I have the same problem. Until they know me (and that seems to take a long time) my co-workers find me intimidating and unapproachable. Part of it is my speech pattern which is quite normal for the area from which I come but not for the area in which I live. In addition I am very straightforward and no-nonsense, an expert in my field with tons of experience and I'm rarely wrong when I answer a question (because I don't answer if I am not 100% sure. I'm sure it's irritating to others), I move quickly and do my work extremely efficiently and usually faster than anyone else. In meetings I point out the bull-**** before we waste too much time on it which usually makes the managers a little peeved. But the worst part is I suffer from CBFS or "Chronic B##ch Face Syndrome". Unless I am grinning from ear to ear my face, when relaxed, looks like I'm about to rip someone's head off. Don't get me wrong, although I would never call myself beautiful I am not unattractive nor am I unkind. I just scare the pants off people especially when my CBF is combined with my quick, clipped speech and movements. Once people are able to get past that I get along very well. I am often described as having a "hard, crispy shell with a soft nougat center". I found what works for me is to find one person to try to relate to on a more personal level. Once that happens they usually start talking about me in a positive manner which causes other people to want to get to know me. That usually happens by them coming up and asking for help with a problem (work-related like how to do something on the computer). When they realize that they will survive that contact without becoming rapidly dead they start warming up to me and it spreads. Donuts work too. I'm kind of reminded of the MASH episode when Margaret loses it and asks her nurses why they don't ask her to join them and won't even offer her a cup of coffee.
    Last edit by FlyingScot on Sep 26, '12
  2. Visit  1pinknurse profile page
    0
    Sorry I got cut off. I just hope you don't take it personally. Just try to soften up a little & initiate a hello here or there. The opinions others have on you, truly don't matter. Business is business and I know I sometimes get thought of as the b*tch cause when it comes to something I am passionate about I run with it. I am strong, independent and have learned somethings the hard way. I had to get to a point where others opinions about me truly don't make me. I have plenty of friends & family that truly love me & I am not at work to make friends. After all, it isn't high school. Just be you and try a little conversating.
  3. Visit  RNGriffin profile page
    3
    I am going to try the conversing: Hello, Goodmorning, Good evening( a little more frequent than I am at this present moment). I truly couldn't build up the interest to be interested in my co-workers kids, husbands, or lives outside of work. I know that may be relatable to some. But, I find that opens up doors for personal questions of myself or even continuous pictures of children I could care less about. I try to mean that in the best way possible. But, if I become involved with everyone's private lives it definitely spills over into mine.
    CBF(Chronic ***** Face Syndrome) is a classic dx that I will have in constant rotation now. Is there a cure to CBFS or at least an effective intervention..LOL?
    You know, sometimes you think the simple hello should suffice for people. I guess that old adage of pussyfooting is highly effective in certain situations.
    anotherone, chevyv, and TJ'sMOM like this.
  4. Visit  1pinknurse profile page
    0
    For sure!!!!! I am one the most honest & out right people out there but many don't know how to handle it. The way I see it is, if you are a negative individual then you will seek the negative out. If you are a positive individual then you will seek the positivity out & you will see me in my true color. I too had to learn to soften up a bit. I'm not a sugar coated person & will never be. I had to learn that not everyone will love me & that is ok.
  5. Visit  PCroizier profile page
    0
    Since you mentioned communications...
    A good thing that I took is understanding that we never say what as a whole our culture does not say what we mean. We answer "how are you?" With "good" even when we are tired, hungry, angry or a.multitude of other things. We do this because the truth is not the point.
    Putting this into practice is delicate when you are the resident expert or "the sh*t"
    One thing that came to my mind to increase small talk at report without actually increasing small talk would be to add just a little. I mean say " this shift was a challenge"...and continue on. I can see this doing two things. It will either relieve the other nurse if she has a tough time because hey, you had a tough time or it will give confidence to the nurse because you had a tough time when she didn't.
  6. Visit  monkeybug profile page
    5
    Quote from griffinchet
    I am going to try the conversing: Hello, Goodmorning, Good evening( a little more frequent than I am at this present moment). I truly couldn't build up the interest to be interested in my co-workers kids, husbands, or lives outside of work. I know that may be relatable to some. But, I find that opens up doors for personal questions of myself or even continuous pictures of children I could care less about. I try to mean that in the best way possible.
    Umm, wow. Okay, I kind of get why your manager said what she did. I don't think anyone should have to be best buddies with their coworkers and go out to dinner every night after work, but these are people you spend a whole lot of your life with. If you really are that uninterested in them, I'm sure they feel it.

    You have to trust your coworkers to have a really good working relationship with them, and how do you trust someone if you know they really couldn't care less about you? Just my humble opinion, of course. It's hard to relate to someone who literally has no interest in you. Think about the doctors most of the nurses like the best. Are they the ones that know the nurses and are approachable as human beings?

    That's the way it is in our unit. I know a lot about my coworkers, and they know a lot about me. We celebrate every birth and every marriage. If there is a death in a nurse's family, we cook meals and send flowers. I don't socialize with 99% of them outside the unit, but I feel like they are my friends, and it makes life at work much more bearable. If we had a nurse come on the unit who refused to engage in small talk, refused to participate in celebrations, seemed genuinely uninterested in our kids and our lives, I guess we would think her rude and mean. I know not every unit is like ours, and part of it probably has to do with the fact that we are a labor unit and we all delivered there, so the person you are giving report to on Tuesday may be the one admitting you and checking your cervix when your water breaks on Thursday (in my case, that's exactly what happened), but I think most work environments benefit from camaraderie and many nurses appreciate that.

    The more I think about it, the more parallels I see in how you describe yourself and our nurse manager. It is painfully obvious that she really has absolutely no interest in us beyond the professional role. She sees how the rest of us are, so she tries to fake it. And it's obvious that she's faking. And most of the nurses are really offended because she doesn't care about us as people. Maybe she shouldn't have to care, but that is what everyone seems to want and what she is incapable of giving to us, and as a result she is viewed in a very negative light. She consistently gets bed reviews on employee evaluations.

    I don't really have any advice, but I can see why your coworkers have a hard time relating to you, and I don't mean that in a mean way.
    Last edit by monkeybug on Sep 26, '12 : Reason: making some paragraph breaks
    llg, RNGriffin, ElSea, and 2 others like this.
  7. Visit  Crazed profile page
    1
    Quote from griffinchet
    I am going to try the conversing: Hello, Goodmorning, Good evening( a little more frequent than I am at this present moment). I truly couldn't build up the interest to be interested in my co-workers kids, husbands, or lives outside of work. I know that may be relatable to some. But, I find that opens up doors for personal questions of myself or even continuous pictures of children I could care less about. I try to mean that in the best way possible. But, if I become involved with everyone's private lives it definitely spills over into mine.
    CBF(Chronic ***** Face Syndrome) is a classic dx that I will have in constant rotation now. Is there a cure to CBFS or at least an effective intervention..LOL?
    You know, sometimes you think the simple hello should suffice for people. I guess that old adage of pussyfooting is highly effective in certain situations.
    You are delightful.

    I can only hope that I work with lots of nurses like you but I know this isn't going to be the case. True story - Once when having a review (In my life before nursing) my manager said, "Crazed you do a great job, the customers love you but your coworkers hate you so we're going to have you do some interpersonal classes." I was all, "Wha?"

    So started a string of silly videos that I had to watch and say things like, "Of course I'd tell Bob I would help him instead of Bob shouldn't have waited until the last moment."

    I found a way to be myself and to have people stop assuming that I was heartless - humor. The wonderful thing about humor is you can be as blunt as you want and as long as you make someone else laugh in the process everything seems to work out okay. Oh also, I smile and do the good morning thing. Smiling makes a big difference in how people perceive you.

    In short, think of it like acting and you'll be playing the role of "Co-worker who looks like they actually care what color you painted your bathroom this weekend."
    GeneralJinjur likes this.
  8. Visit  nursel56 profile page
    1
    Quote from griffinchet
    I am going to try the conversing: Hello, Goodmorning, Good evening( a little more frequent than I am at this present moment). I truly couldn't build up the interest to be interested in my co-workers kids, husbands, or lives outside of work. I know that may be relatable to some. But, I find that opens up doors for personal questions of myself or even continuous pictures of children I could care less about. I try to mean that in the best way possible. But, if I become involved with everyone's private lives it definitely spills over into mine.
    I've worked with lots of people who are very sociable, but literally never say one word about their private lives. In every case people seem to pick up on that and don't pry.
    Last edit by nursel56 on Sep 27, '12
    dudette10 likes this.
  9. Visit  country mom profile page
    1
    Have you ever read the book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People"?
    It's a great basic book about human relations and how to get what you want and need by garnering the cooperation of others. It's very likely available at your local library or bookstore.
    whichone'spink likes this.
  10. Visit  Aurora77 profile page
    4
    Start by learning how not to allow your coworkers lives to spill over into yours. There's no reason that seeing pictures of your coworkers's new baby should cause your life to change. Small talk and basic human interactions are the grease that makes team formation possible. As a coworker, I can't trust someone who holds themselves apart from the team. Even more so, I can't trust a director/supervisor that interested in building a strong team.

    Being able to interact with your coworkers and talk to them about non-work topics doesn't mean that they all need to become your new best friend or that you need to divulge your entire private life. There's a balance to be struck between being aloof and cold and over sharing. I'm not sure where to start, other than practicing showing an interest in your fellow nurses as people. If you don't care about them, it's going to be obvious,so maybe you can learn to care, at least a little bit.

    The cure for CBFS is a smile. Simple as that. Again, not that you have to be fake, but is it really that difficult to smile at someone and say hi?
    chevyv, RNGriffin, monkeybug, and 1 other like this.
  11. Visit  CrunchRN profile page
    0
    You have to give a little social chit chat while not allowing them to draw you into a biatch fest. Sympathize while at the same timing ending the discussion.
  12. Visit  FlyingScot profile page
    1
    Quote from Aurora77
    The cure for CBFS is a smile. Simple as that. Again, not that you have to be fake, but is it really that difficult to smile at someone and say hi?
    It isn't really that simple. Of course I smile when I greet someone or have any other human interaction. But when they walk by my office and see me on the computer I often heard "what has you so p***ed" when in actuality I was just concentrating. Or passing someone when a greeting isn't necessary (already done and a person I pass 1000 times a day in the clinic hall) I may not be all smiley and my CBF rears its ugly head. So, no, a smile isn't always a cure unless you can carry off smiling all day long which if you've ever been a bride you know actually gets painful.
    anotherone likes this.
  13. Visit  Aurora77 profile page
    1
    Quote from FlyingScot

    It isn't really that simple. Of course I smile when I greet someone or have any other human interaction. But when they walk by my office and see me on the computer I often heard "what has you so p***ed" when in actuality I was just concentrating. Or passing someone when a greeting isn't necessary (already done and a person I pass 1000 times a day in the clinic hall) I may not be all smiley and my CBF rears its ugly head. So, no, a smile isn't always a cure unless you can carry off smiling all day long which if you've ever been a bride you know actually gets painful.
    Why can't you make eye contact and smile when adding someone in the halls? I'm truly baffled. Maybe I'm odd, but it comes easily to me and I can't imagine why it would be painful, unless it's fake. A little friendliness just makes life easier and nursing is challenging enough.
    loriangel14 likes this.


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