The Childish "I Wuv You" Act

Nurses Relations

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Once in a while, I'll have patients who will tell me that they love me and try to hug me, or tell me that they love me with big Bambi eyes if they think that it will get them out of perceived trouble or gain my favor.

I only want someone to hug me if I have known them long enough to know that they mean no harm, that I don't mind touching me, and that I have given some form of okay to hug me. In the ER, I rarely encounter people who fit these criteria. Furthermore, I am a healthcare professional, not their buddy. My first instinct is to step back and put a hand forward to keep the person at arm's distance, which I do not think is an inappropriate reaction. What I'm wondering is how to verbally set limits and explain why it is inappropriate without seeming punitive. I also want to keep it short. In the past when I didn't anticipate it, I'd simply say, "No thank you."

When I get the Bambi-eyed, "I wuv you," (yes, sometimes in baby talk), I either said, "Thank you," and moved on with whatever was occurring before the attempted distraction, or simply moved on with the conversation and actions. How should I handle the declaration of love?

Yes, I know that some people have mental retardation, are emotionally stunted, or have developmental disabilities that mean that their mindsets are that of children. I don't fault them, but I also want to explain to them why I have the right to be touched only when I want to. Pediatric or psych nurse advice would be great for this.

People like you shouldnt be a nurse or any health care provider for that matter. Care givers should be loving and nurturing as well as good at what they do. You can have the tool and know how to use it but your a cold rod. My opinion. Im entitled to it. Old people children or "retarded people" like you call them, are all one in the same as a you and I. If your one to not want to be touched then find another job. This is not for you. Again my opinion. But you should reconsider. Maybe get a desk job. Or be a nurse advisor over the phone for a health insurance. But I wouldnt want any of my family members being personally cared for by any healthcare provider that has that mentality. I took offense to what you said and how you went about saying it. Like they have cooties or something. I have hugged a homeless man that was filthy. And you know what that was probably the first human contact he had in years. its how we express yourself. Its an act of appreciation. You should feel happy that you are that appreciated. I dont mean to offend you. I apologize. But I really had to speak out.

Haha! Next time you encounter nurses, just try to hug 'em. Go ahead and hug the doctor too. Then you can hug the cops when they get there. And then you can try hugging your bunkie at County!

Specializes in ER, Addictions, Geriatrics.
Once in a while, I'll have patients who will tell me that they love me and try to hug me, or tell me that they love me with big Bambi eyes if they think that it will get them out of perceived trouble or gain my favor.

I only want someone to hug me if I have known them long enough to know that they mean no harm, that I don't mind touching me, and that I have given some form of okay to hug me. In the ER, I rarely encounter people who fit these criteria. Furthermore, I am a healthcare professional, not their buddy. My first instinct is to step back and put a hand forward to keep the person at arm's distance, which I do not think is an inappropriate reaction. What I'm wondering is how to verbally set limits and explain why it is inappropriate without seeming punitive. I also want to keep it short. In the past when I didn't anticipate it, I'd simply say, "No thank you."

When I get the Bambi-eyed, "I wuv you," (yes, sometimes in baby talk), I either said, "Thank you," and moved on with whatever was occurring before the attempted distraction, or simply moved on with the conversation and actions. How should I handle the declaration of love?

Yes, I know that some people have mental retardation, are emotionally stunted, or have developmental disabilities that mean that their mindsets are that of children. I don't fault them, but I also want to explain to them why I have the right to be touched only when I want to. Pediatric or psych nurse advice would be great for this.

I'm also in emerg, and also have always been someone who has a rather large "personal space bubble". I'm not a hugger, even with close friends and there is nothing wrong with that. It doesn't make you or me a 'cold rod' or a bad nurse as the first response indicated.

I've said thank you and smiled, and with someone coming in for the hug just took their hand and gave it a pat while taking a step back and smiling.

I've been in the situation of having a patient with behavioural issues coming in for a hug and actually trying to hurt and I do not wish to experience that again any time soon.

Haha! Next time you encounter nurses, just try to hug 'em. Go ahead and hug the doctor too. Then you can hug the cops when they get there. And then you can try hugging your bunkie at County!

If your radiologist or neurosurgeon doesn't want a hug, they should get out of healthcare!!

Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.
Unless it is the same person repeatedly attempting to hug you I feel like verbally explaining your stance would be a waste of time and making a big deal out of a triviality. Couldn't you perhaps avoid awkward moment by laughing it off, say something like, "Awww thank you for the thought. Now, I need to go review doctor's orders," or whatever that redirects that conversation back to business?[/quote']

How about a hand squeeze or a touch on their shoulder??

Human touch and tactile stimulation is a benefit for the patient.

And when I chose to hug or place my arm around someone, it's not like hugging my aunt or any family member; it's placing the empathetic support in the facile sense; it makes it...REAL for patients that need it.

I agree with LadyFree28. A hand squeeze or touch on the shoulder is about as tactile as I feel like getting with a stranger, and is not likely to be misinterpreted.

I never hugged a radiologist but I have hugged my neurosurgeon and his PA. Funny, they didn't seem to mind. In fact, I think they appreciated being "thanked" that way. The PA hugged me-I didn't initiate it but I didn't mind because she was part of the team that made me feel better.

I do understand the OP though as I am not normally a hugger. The other day I was in the grocery store and one of the employees that works somewhere else now came up and hugged me when she saw me. I didn't really understand why because I've never been overly friendly towards her unlike her friend that works there whom I have known for over 20 years from the various stores she's worked at. Shoot, I don't even know the huggers name, lol yet her friend I do.

Weird how people think they can invade your space like that. I don't even like being hugged by family members-it makes me feel uncomfortable. It has to take something major to happen before I hug someone.

Youare the only one taking things serious you shouldbreally chill. You know nothing about me. And I actually have worked healthcare. Just because im pre nursing doesnt mean anything. I have a diploma in surgical technology also. So I know what sterility is all about. When dealing one on one with patients I think of all the things I would want for my family and myself. My grandma wasnt treated so nice and she is one reason of many why I show interest in geriatrics.

And to answer on your statement. ... I already flew a kite 2 weeks ago with my youngest son.. it was great. I may do it again soon. ;)

Once again, you should look at your job environment and the OP. Your pts are knocked out and stuck on table. Not so in ER. Totally different animal and different circumstances. Your rational is based on your preconceived ideals of nursing. Pre nursing does not a nurse make. You need to walk a mile in her shoes before you advise on how to treat her blisters.

Be careful with all that hugging and touching of hair. We do not know where their hands have been, but we also do not know where their hair has been. A case in point involves an ER nurse I worked with many years ago who was into the "hugs for everyone" thing. One night, before a patient was transferred to an inpatient unit, she hugged the patient (for more than a second or two ;) ) and wished the patient well. Shortly after the patient arrived in the receiving unit, the patient's primary nurse phoned the ER nurse to ask, "why didn't you tell me in report that this person has head lice?" :wideyed:

We tossed the (suddenly creeped out) ER nurse a bar of soap, washcloth and towels, a fresh set of scrubs, and a bottle of Lindane... and sent her (per her request) to the shower.

Specializes in Complex pedi to LTC/SA & now a manager.
Be careful with all that hugging and touching of hair. We do not know where their hands have been but we also do not know where their hair has been. A case in point involves an ER nurse I worked with many years ago who was into the "hugs for everyone" thing. One night, before a patient was transferred to an inpatient unit, she hugged the patient (for more than a second or two ;) ) and wished the patient well. Shortly after the patient arrived in the receiving unit, the patient's primary nurse phoned the ER nurse to ask, "why didn't you tell me in report that this person has head lice?" :wideyed: We tossed the (suddenly creeped out) ER nurse a bar of soap, washcloth and towels, a fresh set of scrubs, and a bottle of Lindane... and sent her (per her request) to the shower.[/quote']

Similar thing happened in the ED when I was a tech except it was scabies instead of lice!!!

Interesting question. Just realized that over many years.. hugging never became an issue.

I either freely accepted the hug ,or my body language did the talking.

You may want to check into Crisis Prevention and Intervention... could give you some tips on avoiding unwanted contact.

I'm not a nurse but a CNA, I am huge with redirecting and blowing off, so to speak ;-( very uncomfortable so I usually smile or laugh and just move on. I remember when doing my clinicals in the dementia/alz ward and a patient got really close to me I felt she was totally in my personal space and I felt uncomfortable but didn't want to be rude. Next thing I knew she was talking about my earring and them she grabbed them trying to take them. From that day, I feel more comfortable voicing a "no" or just moving on. You don't want to be rude, but just because your a nurse doesn't mean it gives patients the right to touch you and make you comfortable. That girl has no idea what she's talking about btw, don't think you needed me to add that in, but still. I found it very rude and judgemental when she has no clue.

People like you shouldnt be a nurse or any health care provider for that matter. Care givers should be loving and nurturing as well as good at what they do. You can have the tool and know how to use it but your a cold rod. My opinion. Im entitled to it. Old people children or "retarded people" like you call them, are all one in the same as a you and I. If your one to not want to be touched then find another job. This is not for you. Again my opinion. But you should reconsider. Maybe get a desk job. Or be a nurse advisor over the phone for a health insurance. But I wouldnt want any of my family members being personally cared for by any healthcare provider that has that mentality. I took offense to what you said and how you went about saying it. Like they have cooties or something. I have hugged a homeless man that was filthy. And you know what that was probably the first human contact he had in years. its how we express yourself. Its an act of appreciation. You should feel happy that you are that appreciated. I dont mean to offend you. I apologize. But I really had to speak out.

You're right, you are entitled to your opinion, but there is a difference between expressing an opinion and attacking someone. You have no idea how "cold" or caring the OP is. I wouldn't want a bunch of people hugging me in the ER either... do you have ANY idea the number of germs (some that will NOT wash off???) that go through the ER? From an infection control as well as professional point of view, I agree with the OP.

To the OP: Not wanting people in your personal space does NOT make you uncaring! Not exactly sure how to handle this one, but maybe some self-depreciating remark (to those who can understand it) such as "I'm sorry, but I have personal space issues"... or maybe offer a hand squeeze or something... IDK... that's a tough one. Sorry I couldn't offer more.

** Just thought of one... lay it on the facility (get permission from your CN if needed)... say something to the effect of "I'm sorry, policy doesn't allow that for infection control reasons. I don't want to give my germs to you when you're already not feeling well."... might work...

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