Suicide and nurse's reactionRegister Today!
- by HappyJaxRN Jul 9, '11Hi. I just wanted to post my thoughts here and be done with the way that I feel. I just rescently recovered from a drug overdose in the attempts to commit suicide. It was brought on by a nervous breakdown secondary to my medications. I have BP disorder. I have never had problems at work it my BP. I do take my work home with me, which adds to the problem. I'm not some fly by night fluzzy nurse. I am half way into my MSN.
Anyway, I wanted to say something. When I was at the ER, I was in and our of consciousness. I was confused, mummbling, whatever. My husband said that the nurse I had was very rude. I don't remember her very much. I know that the nurse that greeted me was cold and acted like she didn't want to have anything to do with me. She was rude to my husband. She never made eye contact with him. It was like she didn't like to have me as a patient because I wanted to die that day. My husband said she was pregnant so that maybe her pro-life attitude went above and beyond caring for someone who was in trouble. I vaguely remember a nurse with a bad attitude (probably the same one) walked in and set two cups down on my table. She said angerily, "here drink these." Was she thinking I would refuse?? I swigged them down like they were charcoal shots. I do remember her saying, "I've never seen anyone take them that fast." I looked at her and said, "You said take them. So I did." I was so out of it, I would have eaten dog poop if you told me it was my medicine.
I'm not proud of what I did. I just want to convey to the nurses out there that have bad attitudes that there are people out there that have problems. Some of us have very little coping skills due to our upbringings and we may also have mental illnesses. Don't judge those that don't know how to live life. You don't know where we are coming from. It's not just about giving up.
I wasn't asking for anything from that nurse. My husband was the one that needed the support. I was too out of it to really care. I hope these self centered - doesn't think ourside the box - cannot get past their own feelings - nurses remember what I've said it. For goodness sake, don't disrespect the family member. My husband was a basket case and the attitude from this nurse brought him down another notch.
- Jul 11, '11 by rn/writerI'm so sorry that you and your husband had to go through such a cold-hearted experience. Far too often, nurses are frightened of patients with SI or they feel inadequate because they don't know what to do.
Taking care of you may have tapped into her personal history, as well. If she had a close friend or family member who killed themselves, you might have been getting some anger meant for them.
I worked for years in psych, and have a soft spot for those who reach the breaking point. I have never gotten to that point myself, but I've watched others endure such pain that they just want it to stop, even if it means suicide. Some of my children have had friends kill themselves, and not too long ago, one of my husband's co-workers finished himself off. It's horrible for everyone involved.
I wish I could give you a hug right now. And your husband, too. I'm so glad that you didn't commit suicide for both your sakes.
Are you feeling any better now?
Please, PM me if you want. I hope you have good practitioners--psychiatrist and therapist--to help you figure out how to move forward. Most of all, I hope you are hurting less.
I'm glad you have an understanding partner.
Take good care of yourself.Last edit by rn/writer on Jul 12, '11
- Jul 21, '11 by nola1202I'm sorry that happened to you. A lot of people in ED get really angry at people who want to die, when they see people who wanted to live die in a trauma or some random accident. They think those feelings give them the right to judge and be rude to you. The people I've met somewhere along the way after a suicide attempt are just people who had, had enough. What's worse, they always tell me, "I'm such a loser I can't even kill myself right." I'm glad you didn't "do it right" I get the BP and the depression, and that a lot of people are still afraid of mental illness. I've been living with Major depression for most of my life, and take medication and sometimes I need to see a therapist for awhile. I see it, when I'm not feeling suicidal! As a gift. I am able to sit with others who are in despair and not break. I can have empathy for others who are different from myself. I can laugh and enjoy life more for having once been so lost and in pain. Right now you may be feeling angry, cynical, or just far away from what I am describing...just know you are special and that you deserve, need to live because someone you haven't met yet will be touched by your life.
Hang in there baby, and good luck on your Masters. PM me if you want to.
- Jul 26, '11 by xtxrnI've had horrendous experiences with a particular ED in town...been sent there multiple times, and have a documented seizure disorder, dysautonomia (which they don't understand, so discount), among other things. The nurses there are just cruel. I've had what could be counted as battery more than once... but when this was my insurance option, if I complained, I was afraid of retaliation. I never 'drug seeked', used the call light, had family around, or complained. What I saw deeply effected me. I will NEVER have respect for that facility (even though I had a TKR, and the ortho floor was fine).
You're not alone- and I understand what suicide attempts are...it has little to do with dying, and more to do with not knowing what to do with the pain....twocents:
- Jul 26, '11 by HeatherPsychRNWow, thanks for sharing... That has to be hard to tell someone else, but I am glad you shared. I have just taken on a psych nurse position, and it seem like it will help to have in the back of my mind what my new patient and family might have had to deal with before getting to me. I really am sorry. Personally, I feel that nurses want to heal, and I have dealt with my share of depression and suicidal thoughts. It didn't occur to me that some nurses may not see the pain beyond the action... I am glad you are okay.
- Jul 27, '11 by lady constancethere is a saying in alanon....
look where you stumble, NOT where you fall....
what this saying means is that, we all do fall... but if yah desire to stop falling, LOOK WHERE YOU START TO STUMBLE... all the clues and signs that you can look back upon and say " these particular events led to me doing/ feeling / thinking/contemplating _____________--and then, i fell.....
i have had a coworker commit suicide...and she got real mad when i called the suicide hot line on her.. she thought i was bluffing..i called her on her words, attempted to maker her understand i loved her THAT much....
she cut me off and fufilled her plan and left me a letter that she wrote before she OD'ed........ i still pray for her this day...
and yes, it is a question as to how to handle the pain that you feel and have and cannot process your way out of....see no possible relief from...
and truly i think the only person who totally comprehends is God himself.....
prayers for you all those you love and whom love you....
- Jul 29, '11 by KentechRNIn my clinical at a BHU our instructor always told us that it was a just a fine line that stood between us and the patient. She believed, as do I, that any person can be pushed over the brink given the right (or wrong really) set of events.
I think this is something for any nurse to keep in mind when caring for a client who was just pushed over that brink.
- Jul 29, '11 by jadelpnMay God bless you and keep you, my dear. Sending all the strength to cope.