So...I'm not looking for sympathy or anything. I think I just need to get this out. If you judge me for my decision then you judge me but know that I am hurting inside and feel hopeless.
I have a stutter and it's worse when I'm nervous. I'm a recent new grad and got my first job as an RN in May 2012 and I knew that my stutter was going to make it difficult at times to talk to patients, doctors, coworkers, and family members but I never thought that it would be this hard. There were times when I couldn't even say "Hi my name is.." or "I have some medication for you" and when it did happen the patients would look at me and wonder what was wrong with me or maybe they thought I was dumb or incompetent because of my stutter. And to make matters worse speaking Spanish is a must in my area and I stutter a lot worse when attempting to speak the little Spanish I know. The look on the patients face of confusion/doubt was the worst.
My coworkers started to notice and I heard one of them announcing to the other nurses there "dude, she talks all stupid." and they laughed...I pretended not to notice but ended up tearing up in the bathroom. I can't begin to explain how hard it is to speak as a person who stutters (I think only a stutterer would understand). I've tried hard to find ways to hide it and when someone notices it it completely embarrasses me and devastates me. I admitted a patient the other day the charge nurse wanted to see me do it and I stuttered so bad and then she called in an experienced nurse to finish up the admit assessment. The patient said "oh thank god. you seem to have better speech than this one" I shrugged it off. but called in sick to the work the next day. I quickly became depressed and doubted my ability to ever be a nurse if I can't even communicate effectively and I was highly stressed. The skills weren't the problem but the communication was. So before giving myself I chance, I quit.
And I don't know whether or not to pursue with nursing or to try something...anything else but every job requires speaking. I know I didn't even give myself a chance and I feel absolutely terrible that I did quit. I guess I just want to know if anyone else stutters here or knows someone who stutters. I already feel stupid for quitting and I know that I shouldn't have so please don't be mean about it.
It's sad that some educated professional adults still have middle school mentalities.
My fiance and I also have a stutter. I pretty well grew out of mine as I got older, but being stressed and talking in front of people brings mine out. And he still has his and I've seen how non understanding people treat him. So I can understand how you must be feeling. Being new doesn't help anything, I'm sure. Try to explain to your fellow workers that you cannot help that you stutter, and being called out on it doesn't make it any better and that they would not like it if it were them. One thing that he has been looking into is a device called Speech Easy. It's a tiny device fitted into your ear, a lot like a hearing aid. It creates a choral effect. I'm not exactly sure how, but it is something to look into and I believe it can be covered by insurance.
Don't let the negativity of others get to you. No one's perfect, and all of those who make fun of someone else whether it be their speech, looks, weight, etc.... Usually means they are unhappy with themselves.
I hope everything works out for you
Last edit by -jnicole on Jun 29, '12
: Reason: grammatical error