Is it okay to tell a patient to not disrespect you

Nurses Relations

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I had a patient who was questioning me and even though I attempted to answer her questions, she wasn't happy with my answers. She told me that I am a terrible nurse and to get out of her room. I said ok I will just don't disrespect me. She flipped out when I said that. Was I out of line to say that? Where I work they stress that pt satisfaction is most important so pts come back to us again

Specializes in Adult Health.

I have told a patient that behavior is inappropriate and disrespectful to myself or my colleagues. I have also refused to listen to being insulted or sworn at and simply left the room. Usually about 15 minutes later the patient is much calmer.

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Specializes in Leadership, Psych, HomeCare, Amb. Care.
lolakbolak said:
I had a patient who was questioning me and even though I attempted to answer her questions, she wasn't happy with my answers. She told me that I am a terrible nurse and to get out of her room. I said ok I will just don't disrespect me. She flipped out when I said that. Was I out of line to say that? Where I work they stress that pt satisfaction is most important so pts come back to us again

Since we weren't there, we have to make a lot of assumptions about what was said, and how it was said.

Patient wasn't happy with your answers. Why not?

We're they good, solid responses...that she just didn't accept, or could the quality of your answers been better.

She was dissatisfied with your answer, was dismissive and insulting. Did you say you were sorry you couldn't give her the answers she wanted to hear, or that you'd find out the answer, or get someone that could provide the information she needed?

What did you do after leaving the room?

Yes, you should be treated with respect, and sometimes when people are in pain, scared, exhausted, whatever, they will be short tempered. Sometimes they just have nasty pre-morbid personalities.

"Just don't disrespect me," is likely to irritate a patient because they are trying to get their need met, even if they aren't doing it well. That statement turns the whole conversation from her needs, to being about you. What I frequently say is "I'm sorry I can't give you the answer you need (but try to offer alternatives if possible) but I would like to say that I will always treat you with respect (or never insult you, etc) and do ask that you do the same in return."

Gently invoking the golden rule really does work a lot of the time.

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Specializes in ICU.

This is a difficult problem in nursing. I personally see nothing wrong with what you did. Why are nurses so eager to be martyrs, allowing patients to be rude, curse, or in other ways "disrespect" them? I have had a few instances over the years in which patients who refused to be compliant with doctor's orders would ask for another nurse, i.e. one who would let them eat take-out food, not be hooked up to a monitor, and be on the call bell continuously for attention from staff. This is in an intensive care setting, no less! When the physician himself says to "have the AMA form ready" for the patient, there are probably going to be some issues. Hospital patients are just a cross section of our society. We are supposed to take care of all types of people, without regard for what kind of person lies in the bed. It remains a constant challenge, but if a patient is sane, and not suffering from an illness that affects the brain , I am just not willing to take any verbal abuse. Patient satisfaction is important, but if the nurse suffers a blow to her self respect, then what have we gained?

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Specializes in ICU.

Good answer above by Isabel. Sometimes this works, when it doesn't, I will usually just change the assignment. A fresh face will often make the patient feel as though they have some control, and often temperament has been dictated by an illness or situation in which the patient feels out of control.

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Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.

I wouldn't use the expression "Don't disrespect me." I might say, depending on the situation, "Please be respectful to me as I have been to you." "Don't disrespect me" sounds like a threat.

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I think you have to be careful to address the behavior and not the person, and this is true everywhere in every relationship and with every encounter. And I certainly don't believe in taking verbal abuse from anyone, for any reason. Why should RNs put up with a hostile work environment in the name of stupid patient satisfaction scores when the same environment isn't tolerated in the rest of the professional world? Nonsense. I kowtow to absolutely no one. I am not a kiss-hiney kind of person and I don't expect to have mine kissed either. I see absolutely nothing wrong with expecting adults to behave like adults. Apparently I'm wrong in that approach a lot of times.

And yep, sometimes I'm the punching bag for the patient, especially in my line of work. I am the only thing they can direct their anger at. I know the difference between desperate outbursts and a flat-out jerk, who would be a jerk with or without a CA dx. I give lots and lots of benefit of the doubt. But I don't take abuse and neither should anyone else. It feeds the doormat perception. I'm a professional, just like any other professional, and I deserve to be treated as such.

HOWEVER - "don't disrespect me" has a much different timbre than "I'm sorry I can't answer your question, I'll go find someone who can" - and then remove yourself from the situation. (I am from a part of the world where this is not viewed as 'ghetto', though I've lived in parts of the world where it is. People can't account for everything and shouldn't be expected to; this has created a huge problem of over-PC'ing everything.) Control the situation and don't allow it to escalate because the only person it's going to hurt is the RN. The patient can tell management whatever he/she wants, and when it comes down to 'he said/she said' experience tells me that even when the RN/CNA/LPN/whomever the staff member is is telling the truth, nine times out of ten staff will lose to some degree.

It's not worth it to me. You can be a jerk without me letting you railroad me.

"I guess I'm not able to really help you or give you the answer you're looking for or need, so I can go find someone else who might be able to." And I pass the buck to the manager - that's her job.

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Specializes in Ortho, Case Management, blabla.

Getting "fired" to me sometimes is a blessing. Its only happened a few times in my career but its usually over silly things.

One time I got fired for sharply reprimanding an a+ox3 patient for purposefully pouring his water out which my aide slipped and fell in. The patient poured it out on the floor because it wasn't cold enough and the aide was too slow in putting ice in it when he asked (he was on the call light 5 times in one minute asking for it over and over, and she went and got it promptly). When she came in to add ice, she slipped and fell on the floor. He said it was our fault (it was a full pitcher, its not like he didnt have water, most of the ice had just melted). I went off on him and told him where he could stick his ice. Not my proudest moment in nursing. He fired me because he didn't like the way I talked to him. I didn't care, he was a jerk, and I told him as much. The aide had to take 4 wks off cuz her shoulder got messed up.

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I have no problem telling a patient that they are being rude or out of line when it is called for. I'll let a patient vent and listen to them. But if they verbally attack me, I will not stand for it and I will nip it in the bud. I'm naturally a quiet and shy person, so it was hard for me to learn how to stand up myself. But patients, doctors, or other nurses will eat you alive if you don't stand up for yourself. And telling someone to not be disrespectful is not unprofessional when it is called for.

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If a pt won't respect me they get very limited respect back.

I have told pts that respect goes both ways and if you won't respect me the next hospital is 1.5 hours away and get walking.

We have no security and have a lot of verbal abuse happening at the moment with a few cases of physical occurring as well.

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Specializes in Psych, LTC/SNF, Rehab, Corrections.

Maybe the wording was off but I can't knock your spirit! LOL

The mentally ill are one thing. I can understand fear responses but I don't do well with a-holes. I have next to no patience for perfectly a/o person speaking to others 'any old kind of way' simply because they think they can.

...so I probably won't last in hospital nursing (LOL). I don't have a 'customer service' type personality. I'm not built for that.

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Specializes in ICU, BURNS, TRAUMA, TRANSPORT, HH.

If my patients or families behave improperly I tell them and outline EXACTLY what I expect.

I probably get a different response than some of my petite female peers.

I treat my patients and families with respect REGARDLESS of the way they treat me...I am the professional.

If the patient of family continues to mistreat me I ask for reassignment.

Because this is the only game in town and nurses are limited, that often means that management gets involved with the family, and maybe the doc if they want the patient to continue care.

Seriously, some of these old miners here in AK are cranky and it is no wonder they have no family and few friends, they are tough old guys though.

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