"Nurses are so Mean" - page 20

by Ruby Vee 62,217 Views | 219 Comments

I wish I had a dollar for every post I've read claiming that "nurses are so mean," "nurses are nasty to each other," "nurses eat their young" or "my preceptor is picking on me for no good reason." And then if you add in all the... Read More


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    Dear Hawthorn,

    It is the very reason of working in high stress areas that we need each other's support and at times a helpiing hand. You do not have to be "mean" to get things done. Disrespecting each other only leads to resentment, anda hostile work enviroment. I suggest that as nurses we keep our focus on the client's in our care and not on the personalities of co-workers. You might check out on Medscape two recent articles about "bullies". There is no excuse to be "mean', or demanding of our co-workers. In my eyes when nurses are mean, rude, demanding etc. I just think they are insecure and would do us all a favor to find another job. This isn't personal, if you feel this is the only way you can get the job done and keep it well right on. This type of hostile behavior was more than likely modeled for you by a insecure physician. He may get things done, however when co-workers are intimidated, and thier anxiety levels shoot through the roof, something is going to get missed, or forgotten etc.
    Your attitude doesn't help anyone other than yourself. Sorry but that's the way I see it. FLTNRSE2
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    Oh man! I truly HATE those posts by people about how "the older nurses are so mean to me because of my youth and how pretty I am"!!! No, the older nurses are mean to you because you constantly walk around talking about how pretty you THINK you are
    nursel56 and Ruby Vee like this.
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    Dear DeliveryRN2007,

    There is some truth to your statement that you are young and attractive. You may not like it but it can cause you problems. I was the only single nurse in my graduating class at a University hospital with more medical students, interners etc. I was asked out for a date often and when one of TOH (the old Ha--) even saw me talking to one of them I got my chopps busted. Here is what I did. First and formost keep your eye on the ball doing your job to the best of your ability, if you have a question don't ask another nurse who has given you a hard time in the past, go get your textbooks, go online, ask one of the attendings, in other ones be as independent. If you are reated disrespectfully in any way write it up, noting time, date, who was involved and who was a witnesses to this unexceptable behavior. Make a copy and give it to the sursing office. This is but another example of bullying and it needs to stop. Here is one more of my tried andtrue methods, the next time you are insulted, deemed etc. give it right back to them in spades. Bullys love the insecure as are most yourn practioners. Once you stand up to them I beleive that you will have a more peaceful enviroment at work. Let me know what happens. Hold your head up, gather some attitude and do not be afraid of these women, there just full of a lot of hot air...I guess you could entertain a rectal tube to resolve that matter. Remember to smile, remember to your client this may be the most memorable day of her life.
    As Tony Soprano would say "fotget about it". Nothing has power unless we give into it! Hang in there.
    FLTNRSE2
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    Dear RNCC,
    I just read your post "get em in get em out". There you have it hospital nursing 2011. I know this has been going on sicnce the mid 90's. It is sad, it causes many patients undue suffering, let alone having to adapt to a new envirement and staff. No matter what we say or do as nurses I can't think of anyway to stop it, why, what else MONEY and REINBURSEMENT. The term compassion is a term out of the past. I would like to be a fly on the wall when one of the administration /financial officers become a patient and are treated the way they are demanding current patients are being treated! I just bet they would want to change thier tune then! FLTNRSE2
    chare likes this.
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    Quote from fltnrse2
    dear deliveryrn2007,

    there is some truth to your statement that you are young and attractive. you may not like it but it can cause you problems. i was the only single nurse in my graduating class at a university hospital with more medical students, interners etc. i was asked out for a date often and when one of toh (the old ha--) even saw me talking to one of them i got my chopps busted. here is what i did. first and formost keep your eye on the ball doing your job to the best of your ability, if you have a question don't ask another nurse who has given you a hard time in the past, go get your textbooks, go online, ask one of the attendings, in other ones be as independent. if you are reated disrespectfully in any way write it up, noting time, date, who was involved and who was a witnesses to this unexceptable behavior. make a copy and give it to the sursing office. this is but another example of bullying and it needs to stop. here is one more of my tried andtrue methods, the next time you are insulted, deemed etc. give it right back to them in spades. bullys love the insecure as are most yourn practioners. once you stand up to them i beleive that you will have a more peaceful enviroment at work. let me know what happens. hold your head up, gather some attitude and do not be afraid of these women, there just full of a lot of hot air...i guess you could entertain a rectal tube to resolve that matter. remember to smile, remember to your client this may be the most memorable day of her life.
    as tony soprano would say "fotget about it". nothing has power unless we give into it! hang in there.
    fltnrse2
    i think you missed the whole point. we don't hate you because you're beautiful. we're annoyed as heck with you because you blather on and on all the time about how beautiful you (think) you are.
    nursel56 and talaxandra like this.
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    Quote from ruby vee
    i think you missed the whole point. we don't hate you because you're beautiful. we're annoyed as heck with you because you blather on and on all the time about how beautiful you (think) you are.
    pretty much everyone who commented recently missed the point -- a thorough and well-written article about what may be the root causes (other than that old hackneyed catch-all phrase of "eating their young") of behavior interpreted by new people as bullying, lateral violence, etc. alas it has turned into another *****-fest by people who can't grasp the concept of "it really isn't always all about you and your grievances". there are thousands of threads/posts about how horrible preceptors/co-workers are. this article was an attempt to offer another viewpoint and food for thought.
    Last edit by nursel56 on Nov 17, '11
    wooh, talaxandra, rn/writer, and 1 other like this.
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    Hi Ruby Vee,

    Thank for sharing your article. I enjoyed. As a current new grad registered nurse I don't feel ALL nurse's eat their young, at times some nurse's do. I totally understand that we all have our bad days and sometimes can be cranky and rude. The truth still stands, if the same problem continues to follow you EVERY WHERE you go--There is definitely a problem. The propblem needs to be check and fixed. There are days I am furious, but I do my best to not bring my drama to the work place. Is it easy-- no, but will it hurt to try- no. Not everyone can seperate their emotions from the work place, but it is a good habit to get into. Maybe, just maybe the day can go smoothly
    nursel56 and talaxandra like this.
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    Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    I often think that this "horizontal violence" trend is becoming a cheap and cowardly way of just dumping more blame on a profession which demands much more moral courage than most human beings are capable of.

    Thanks for saying what needed to be said. Thanks for recognizing that nurses are human beings with feelings. Thanks for telling it like it is.

    I am so very grateful. Because I am so sick of being called so many stupid names by people who truly have no understanding of who I am or what I do.

    Again...

    I say, thank you.
    wooh and nursel56 like this.
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    Having been in the nursing field for almost 30 years I am stilled floored by the meaness or cattiness of the profession. I applied for a job as a casual with a local hospital. I used a fellow co-worker and two of my managers. I also applied for another job, but did not use my fellow co-worker.

    The first place called me back after checking my references. The interview had gone well, with the manager stating that he wanted to hire me at the end of it. The HR person told me that she could not offer me employment after checking my references.

    The second place offered me a position.

    I thought my co-worker was my friend and would give me a good reference. For whatever reason, he black balled me. I can't figure out if its contempt or jealousy. Both my brother and brother-in-law have connections through working in their respective professions and have used this network to get jobs and move up in their professions. All I have after 30 years of nursing are co-workers who want to stab me in the back.
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    My question- Did you ask the coworker upfront if you could use him/her what they thought of your work and if they could provide a good reference?

    Never assume that your "friends" can do this. I have had a number of people that have grown "attached" to me at various junctures of my career. One used me as a reference (several years after working with her, and several jobs later). Also she wrote down various attributes and duties that were in no way true of the job we did then. And my personal dealings, she was not an admirable person.I was also not given any warning that I would be asked for a reference. If I had I could have researched more, or found a tactful way to handle the issue.There are people that I personally like at work and I respect the work they do. There are people that I personally do not care for but they are excellent nurses. These, I can reference well. Then there are the nurses that I may like, but their work habits are terrible or they are really not good employees. Those I cannot reference well.Don't assume that the person that tactfully deals with you, good or bad, and that you like, can/will provide a glowing reference for you.


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