Nurse with Disdain - page 6

by StuckInTheMiddle

14,542 Views | 97 Comments

Hi. I've got to vent here, since I have no "friends" that are nurses, and I want the input of some perhaps unbiased individuals. I'm a mid-30s male career changer. I left a career I had for a decade (not sure why actually)... Read More


  1. 1
    Love what you do and do what you love! Keep seeking for what you LOVE to do. Our local hospital has a nephrologist who does not handle patients or families well. He is a loner type. He rounds in the wee hours to avoid human contact. He is brilliant and saves lives. He may be autistic or just a genius but cannot handle 'emotional' aspects, just facts and figures, research and such. There is a place for everyone, yours may not be medicine..what do you LOVE? There in lies what you will LOVE to do!
    netglow likes this.
  2. 13
    Hi everyone. I wasn't able to figure out how to delete my account yesterday so I finished up some errands I had since I'm off the rest of the week and thought I'd take a second look to see if I could figure it out. I had intended to go in under the radar.

    I see some more of you responded to my posts for which I'm grateful. I also see I generated a lot of disdain by some of you towards me. That's ok. I understand that, and clearly we're all entitled to our opinions. I walked in, vented, told you I didn't like being a nurse, and I sem-trampled perhaps on a profession dear to most of you.

    I thought I'd clear up some things because this seems to have become a popular topic. I mentioned I wasn't sure why I quit my previous career. I'm still not honestly, and if I had a reason well over time that reason has become transparent to me. I miss what I had. I can't go back because it'd be virtually impossible to have the position and rank, if you will, that I had. Sometimes you just can't go home again.

    Did I think I'd have to feign an interest in nursing from the outset? No. I thought I'd enjoy it, and there are elements to it, that are tolerable, i.e., ok, but the stuff I don't like overshadows that. My only experience with having nurses work on me is them asking some questions, taking a few notes, explaining a course of treatment, and passing some meds to me. I like to research what I'm up against so before embarking on nursing I did some research, looked at some syllabi from many nursing schools, looked over some nursing books, and felt like I knew enough to make an informed decision. Someone mentioned nursing and technical knowledge, and that was a major attraction for me. I find many of my coworkers and subordinates don't tend to draw on much of what was in the textbooks though. The syllabi, nursing school websites, and texts that I read touted science and management more than warm and fuzzy so I was able to identify with that.

    What I didn't know was the unwritten things that I've since become witness to, particularly as a charge nurse, and I don't like it. It's simply not me. Because I had a BSN and experience managing people and resources, which I got good evaluations with so I'm not entirely bad or anti-people as my posts and some of the replies made me out to be, I was appointed charge nurse of my unit once I was done with new hire training. Literally I went from the new guy, being trained, to a new shift, and told I was in charge. Good, bad, it's what I got.

    I see a few of you working nurses share a similar sentiment and maybe a few future nurses see a perspective not shared in the classroom. I'm all for realism and wake up calls even if you have to be hit with a pipe to achieve it. My post was a gloves off approach, and I told you exactly how I feel much of the time when I'm at work because I am not a nurturer. I feel (and know) there are some others I work with who bottle these feelings, but most people aren't willing to share their true feelings, and I did here.

    In summation, I'm sorry if I caused any ill feelings, stress, or lost sleep amongst you. For those of you with constructive criticism and/or suggestions - my sincerest thanks. For all of you, I wish you happy careers doing what you obviously love to be doing. I envy that you're happy with it.
    Sisyphus, Szasz_is_Right, leslie :-D, and 10 others like this.
  3. 2
    Thanks for coming back and clarifying. I still think there are many places/avenues where you can work as a nurse without being touchy feely and/or dealing with a lot of neediness and bodily fluids. I am pretty touchy feely, but I HATE body fluids and the HOSPITAL. However, I have been gainfully employed for the last 20 yrs in radiation oncology, office nursing (coordinator) and for the last 8.5 years research. Just find what will work.
    macawake and anotherone like this.
  4. 3
    Quote from SmoothKeys
    Which begs the question: why do patients who depend on the nurse to render care be so rude and ungrateful?

    Also, he opted not to answer a question about the military and if he were in a war zone, that would require a complete disregard to the enemy; just part of the job. This suggests he was in the military.

    As a pre-nursing student, the OP addresses many of my concerns. And I desperately need to hear these experiences and he did so in a professional manner in my opinion.

    On the other hand, this seriously guarded and looking to delete account so quickly when most people here appear to be more sympathetic to his cause is a bit cause for concern.

    The OP could be a chronic patient!
    SmoothKeys, the OP is not alone as a nurse in not having empathy or caring for patients. If you need a poor role model you will find other nurses who feel like that too, and their lack of empathy and caring is evident in their patient care. As a pre-nursing student, think hard about whether you really want to join this profession, as much for your patients sake as for your own. I suspect you are quite young without much life experience, so I will give you the benefit of the doubt as to your question "why do patients who depend on the nurse to render care be so rude and ungrateful?" Let me try to answer you: People who are ill are under enormous physical and psychological stress is the main reason. Then of course there are people who are more unreasonable than others. You will learn about these things in nursing school. Nursing doesn't need more people who are just there for the paycheck, so given your post I suggest thinking long and hard about whether you will be able to muster the empathy and caring necessary to take care of very sick and needy people and their families.
  5. 2
    Quote from WildflowerRN
    Apparently not written by an ER nurse. ER nurses send most of the crazy, needy, drug-seeking, system-abusing, perpetually-unemployed-who-use-the-ER-as-a-PCP patients home! Thereby saving the floor nurses from them. ER is NOT, in any way shape or form, the place for decreased patient contact.
    When you're curious about the background of an AN poster, it helps to see what info, if any, s/he has included in his/her profile.

    8+ years in the ER here, both a Level I trauma center in the 'hood, and a brief stint in a suburban community ER. There is info on my profile.

    My post deals with the limited length of stay for patients in the ER, procedural units such as angio, and in outpatient settings.
    macawake and anotherone like this.
  6. 4
    OP, Some members feel like they can somehow guilt trip others - as always, a golf clap to them, right?! Most of us here on allnurses understand that this minority is gonna beat themselves to a pulp daily with their very own glittery fairy wands - it's an odd mix of personality in those types and I know I don't need to say that getting away from those types will be a relief once you do, HELLA!
    Sisyphus, Szasz_is_Right, anotherone, and 1 other like this.
  7. 5
    Quote from StuckInTheMiddle
    Hi everyone. I wasn't able to figure out how to delete my account yesterday so I finished up some errands I had since I'm off the rest of the week and thought I'd take a second look to see if I could figure it out. I had intended to go in under the radar.

    I see some more of you responded to my posts for which I'm grateful. I also see I generated a lot of disdain by some of you towards me. That's ok. I understand that, and clearly we're all entitled to our opinions. I walked in, vented, told you I didn't like being a nurse, and I sem-trampled perhaps on a profession dear to most of you.

    I thought I'd clear up some things because this seems to have become a popular topic. I mentioned I wasn't sure why I quit my previous career. I'm still not honestly, and if I had a reason well over time that reason has become transparent to me. I miss what I had. I can't go back because it'd be virtually impossible to have the position and rank, if you will, that I had. Sometimes you just can't go home again.

    Did I think I'd have to feign an interest in nursing from the outset? No. I thought I'd enjoy it, and there are elements to it, that are tolerable, i.e., ok, but the stuff I don't like overshadows that. My only experience with having nurses work on me is them asking some questions, taking a few notes, explaining a course of treatment, and passing some meds to me. I like to research what I'm up against so before embarking on nursing I did some research, looked at some syllabi from many nursing schools, looked over some nursing books, and felt like I knew enough to make an informed decision. Someone mentioned nursing and technical knowledge, and that was a major attraction for me. I find many of my coworkers and subordinates don't tend to draw on much of what was in the textbooks though. The syllabi, nursing school websites, and texts that I read touted science and management more than warm and fuzzy so I was able to identify with that.

    What I didn't know was the unwritten things that I've since become witness to, particularly as a charge nurse, and I don't like it. It's simply not me. Because I had a BSN and experience managing people and resources, which I got good evaluations with so I'm not entirely bad or anti-people as my posts and some of the replies made me out to be, I was appointed charge nurse of my unit once I was done with new hire training. Literally I went from the new guy, being trained, to a new shift, and told I was in charge. Good, bad, it's what I got.

    I see a few of you working nurses share a similar sentiment and maybe a few future nurses see a perspective not shared in the classroom. I'm all for realism and wake up calls even if you have to be hit with a pipe to achieve it. My post was a gloves off approach, and I told you exactly how I feel much of the time when I'm at work because I am not a nurturer. I feel (and know) there are some others I work with who bottle these feelings, but most people aren't willing to share their true feelings, and I did here.

    In summation, I'm sorry if I caused any ill feelings, stress, or lost sleep amongst you. For those of you with constructive criticism and/or suggestions - my sincerest thanks. For all of you, I wish you happy careers doing what you obviously love to be doing. I envy that you're happy with it.
    Once again, you need to look into correctional NP roles. Prison is the one place on earth where being "warm and fuzzy" isn't allowed. Those inmates test the limits on a daily basis. You can have your "science and management" by treating, prescribing, and evaluating. There are always jobs open.
    macawake, not.done.yet, Fiona59, and 2 others like this.
  8. 1
    After re-reading the OPs posts I must admit I feel more sympathy for him than outrage. I've felt everything he describes more than once myself. On some nights the whiny, whimpering, "I caaaannnn'ttttt" simply makes me want to scream.
    Here's the difference. I accept that those feelings make ME less, not the patient. I have no right to be angry at them for being what they are, what it's normal for them to be. Sick, afraid, needy, and in pain. There is no deceit there. There is no bait and switch. I know what sick looks like, sounds like, and yes, even smells like. I have no right to be impatient when it's my choice to be there.
    I think the OP ignored every single indicator that nursing wasn't a good career choice, through clinicals and classroom. I had a pretty good idea what I was in for, after the first semester. Our clinical rotations threw us into sick rooms immediately, and the host hospitals were not shy about giving the students the worst pts. I knew and accepted. No blinders. No denials.
    The OP should have done the same.
    anotherone likes this.
  9. 4
    Quote from netglow
    OP, Some members feel like they can somehow guilt trip others - as always, a golf clap to them, right?! Most of us here on allnurses understand that this minority is gonna beat themselves to a pulp daily with their very own glittery fairy wands - it's an odd mix of personality in those types and I know I don't need to say that getting away from those types will be a relief once you do, HELLA!
    I wouldn't say I have disdain for my patients, but I'm not going to lie and say I pranced my way to work from the parking lot, strewing daisies while being followed by little woodland creatures.
    There were some days that it took all my patience not to just turn on my heel and walk out, and yes, patients contributed to that frustration...frequently.
    monkeybug, not.done.yet, TheCommuter, and 1 other like this.
  10. 1
    I think there are many areas of nursing that the OP might find better suited to the OP's traits. Additionally, I would expect that the OP would get better at expanding his skills to better handle things that he currently finds difficult. I would expect it would also get easier as the OP gets into a position that is a better match...as he would not be stressed by feeling mismatched.

    There is a time for being warm/fuzzy and a time for being analytical. There are certain jobs that require more of one and less than the other.
    macawake likes this.


Top