My God, these family members!!

[SoundofMusic]

They are just killing me. Why is it that so many of them feel so entitled to sit in their aging parents rooms and just boss us nurses to HELL and back, while they sit there, fully able to do much of what we're doing for their parent, but simply do NOT have the time to do when we have other patients and issues to deal with. i MEAN -- can't they get mom up at least perhaps ONCE during the day? Does it have to be a nurse doing it every single time, ten times a day??

I just came off a shift tonight where I literally waitressed all day long, making and fetching coffee and water and 100 millions cups of juice for these patients (because we're always short a tech) -- and a patient's daughter was literally screaming at nurses at change of shift to come in and do something or other for her mother. It was absolutely NOT an emergency. (She was actually screaming -- "Good thing it WASN'T an emergency!!" These people have been on our unit for over 2-3 weeks, running every nurse on the unit ragged. Their mother is far over 80 years old and is only going to head to weeks of rehab after being on our unit. They want a private nurse -- that is what they want and need. But they can't get that on a floor. I think their call light was on for perhaps five minutes, max.

I am just SO tired of family members not understanding what we do -- and our managers from the floor to the corporate headquarters not backing us up to explain it to them. We are simply to treat everyone as our "family members" and go above and beyond 1000 percent of the time. Who goes above and beyond FOR NURSES??? DOES ANYONE???

We have no private space to do our charting, we are like fish in a bowl for these family members. If they see you at the nursing station -- that's it. They are ON YOU like flies. If they don't have a reason to bug you, they will find one. So, you don't get your charting done on time and are left to stay after a shift for an hour.

I am just so tired of it. So burnt out. Is it any wonder why they can't keep nurses for long? I mean -- come on, management -- take a LOOK at what you are doing to nurses nowadays. Put some LIMITS, please, on these family members. It is OUT OF CONTROL.

[flightnurse2b, LPN]

we all just got lectured about "customer service" because the patient satisfaction scores are down a bit. sometimes i wonder if my NM remembers what it was like to be a staff nurse, have 7 to 8 patients on tele with drips going, and have family members bombarding you the second your rear end hits the chair to finally do your chart checks, because you're sitting there doing "nothing".

every time my family members are in the hospital, if i'm there, i help out however i can. if i'm sitting there watching TV, and my nana has to go potty, i know good and well i can help her walk to the bathroom and not put the call light on. my arms and legs are not broken.

what really drives me batty is when you have a family having a big old party with buckets of food and making all kinds of noise and taking chairs from other rooms to fill up the half of the private room they are in, and out of 10 of them, not one can feed grandma? not one person can pull up her blanket? and when you answer the call bell, the bed is so crowded around with people, you can't get to the pt, and then they snort at you like you're in THEIR way when you try to manuever yourself around to get to the bedside.

[lpnflorida]

I love when family members assist with their loved in meeting some of their needs. I do not expect them to do everything, but then again neither do I expect the loved to stay 24 /7 either, unless it is a pediatric patient there really is no need for it. First off family sleep better away from the hospital as most hospitals are not set up for 24 hour guests. I also try and tell family, now is the time for you to get your rest as your loved one is being taken care, once they are home is when they will need you 24/7 not now. Most families are relieved to hear this and do take the time to be away and do the things they need to do such as have a fun day, or rest taking a day off from the long hours they keep in the hospital.

[RNperdiem, RN]

I hear you.

I work weekend days when all the close and distant relatives can come visit.

Thankfully nurses do have some control over visitors in ICU and there is no food(except for some cans of tube feed) to fetch and carry.

The families described, I know well. Families who are that needy when their loved ones are in ICU are a terror for floor nurses.

[David13, MSN, RN]

I understand your frustration. As many posters have already articulated, we as nursing professionals often need to go out of our way to demand the respect that other healthcare professionals routinely receive.

If a family member wants a private duty nurse, give him or her the telephone book and tell them there are many fine agencies who provide them with one for a cost. I actually had a manager do this, and it worked! It was great for the morale of the nursing staff as well, because it was made clear that disrespectful behavior toward nurses would not be tolerated.

[txspadequeenRN, BSN, RN]

this reminds me of a phrase i have used many times..."i'm not here to kiss your a$$...i'm here to save it"...i think we should bottle up this thread and pass it out in each admission pack....

[fuzzywuzzy, CNA]

I do have to say that I haven't had a loved one in the hospital since I was a child, but if I hadn't read this thread I wouldn't have known family members could do anything. In the LTC where I work the CNAs have to do everything. If we let the family feed, transfer, or toilet someone we would get in trouble. They're not supposed to go in the kitchen either. We even had one girl who came in with private caregivers to sit with her. At home they did everything for this girl but at our facility they had to just sit there and ring the call bell because they weren't "signed off" to do anything. I guess it's a liability issue.

[imenid37]

Customer service and common sense have become mutually exclusive terms in the hospital. It isn't the Ritz Carlton or Burger King. Sometimes, you even have to wait in those places too! My daughter had some old *** complain that he didn't get his ginger ale for over an hour. She told him her one of her other eight pts. had coded and she was sorry it was late. He said "I don't care, you *****. I wanted a drink and I am puting your name on my survey because I am dissatisfied!" Okay for pt. to call her a profane name. Her NM didn't care about that. She was talked to because the NM needed to know why this loser didn't get his drinky-winky when he asked for it. At the same hospital, patient get a gift card if they are unhappy re. waiting in the ED too long. Boo Hoo! This is craziness.

[Virgo_RN, BSN, RN]

I document this type of behavior, in a completely objective manner, of course, focusing only on observable behaviors and not interpretations of those behaviors, and I use quotes. This speaks to the patient's psychosocial status, which is a part of the holistic aspect of nursing care. We have a spot in the chart for psych/soc aspects of the patient with dropdown boxes such as "demanding", "combative", "hostile", "withdrawn". If I make a narrative note about a patient's pain, blood pressure, wounds, IV site, foley, etc., why would it be inappropriate to chart a narrative about their behavior if their behavior is not appropriate? Being hostile or needy, while it may be baseline for that patient, is not really "normal" per se, so it needs to be documented. Completely objectively, of course.

[Virgo_RN, BSN, RN]

Customer service and common sense have become mutually exclusive terms in the hospital. It isn't the Ritz Carlton or Burger King. Sometimes, you even have to wait in those places too! My daughter had some old *** complain that he didn't get his ginger ale for over an hour. She told him her one of her other eight pts. had coded and she was sorry it was late. He said "I don't care, you *****. I wanted a drink and I am puting your name on my survey because I am dissatisfied!" Okay for pt. to call her a profane name. Her NM didn't care about that. She was talked to because the NM needed to know why this loser didn't get his drinky-winky when he asked for it. At the same hospital, patient get a gift card if they are unhappy re. waiting in the ED too long. Boo Hoo! This is craziness.

I might have charted something like "Summoned to room, requests ginger ale. States he has been waiting for "over an hour". This nurse explained inability to immediately fulfill request due to emergent situation, but offered to do so now. States "I don't care, you *****. I wanted a drink and I am putting your name on my survey because I am dissatisfied!" Ginger ale provided, no further requests at this time. Will continue to monitor."

[It'sMe, RN, BBA, MBA]

Hospitals have become more like retail business over the last 30 years and the pressure is on to get more customers. As the private insurance and government payors have decreased their payments to all providers patients are getting angry at their perceived decrease in the level of care they receive from all providers. In the hospital it is the nurse that is the face of the hospital. Patients and their families want the nurse to make up the loss of service they perceive they have lost from all providers during an admission. Patients and their families do not separate medical, nursing and theraputic care from customer service. If you were late with a pain shot for level 10 pain or if you were late with the glass of gingerale it does not matter. Their perception is that they were not cared for and you the nurse did a poor job. It is impearative that you report any and all such complaints to the nurse manager and to the foucs group that works on quality of care issues. It is only when the hospital begins to provide enough nurses and support staff to take care of the patients will they win the competition for the customer. And you must word it in this manner in order to gain the support of the hospital administration group.

[imenid37]

I agree with the poster above. If the hospital wants to run like a hotel, fine. The condition is, hire some hospitality type staff. If the nursing staff is to deliver quality care, then they do not have time to be a waitress or waiter and smile like Barbie or Ken as they are being insulted. Unfortunately the customer is not always right. Sometimes, he or she is downright rude. My daughter's employer is just getting taken advantage of now by some of these demanding patients who find out a friend neighbour, etc. got a gift card for waiting for two hours in the ED and they want one too!

Hospitals are constantly wanting more for less. I am so sick of telling the nursing staff that pharmacy has "just one more little job" for them to add to their 1000 they already have. I am in an educator position and between "service with a fake smile" and trying to jump through JCAHO's hoops, there is little time to give meaningful nursing care anymore. Actually, good nursing care is the best customer service of all. Some days I think the healthcare system is just hopelessly broken. It isn't a business. It is something of its own animal and we need to step back and find another way to make it function more effectively. Our current "hospitality" model is just not working.

[KY RN]

I worked at a hotel while I was in LPN school. We treated the guests courteously, however, some guests wanted tons of stuff for free and expected you to wait hand and foot on them. NO, I cannot hire an escort service for you. No I am not giving you tons of soap,shampoo, and food to go home with. NO I am not opening the breakfast buffet back up because you woke up at 2 P.M. NO I cannot cut your toenails. If they didn't like it, there is the door. Thanks for your business, but we don't need it. Don't come here again. OH and by the way, no refund. My Manager backed us up and also put these guests on a "Not Allowed in Our Facility Again" Notice.

However, in the great and dignified world of nursing, managers basically say bend over and grab your ankles. Got to keep the whiny,crazy, screaming families happy so that the all important SURVEY ranks high in customer satisfaction. Sometimes, what I would LOVE to say to these families!!! Sometimes I come home from work with teeth marks on my tongue!!!!