LATERAL Violence. How Nurses treat Nurses! - page 25

hi! i have had a very interesting experience with the aacn's "healthy work environments" initiative. it really does seem that one just had to "name it to claim it!" i have posted an excerpt from the aacn's on-line and... Read More

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    My generally unpopular take on this issue is based on my experience seeing the last twenty or thirty years' worth of children-grown-to-adulthood. This is a group who has always been told how very special they are (self-esteem being paramount), always got big stickers on their papers at school, always got a big trophy even if their team never won one game, always had mom and dad intervene when they had any challenges. I have a dear friend who's a college president and he is astonished by how many parents call his office to complain about issues like the dining hall food, the exam schedules, the screens on the dorm windows, the rules for course completion, how hard the math teacher grades, snow removal on the paths on campus in the winter, etc. We are talking young adults here-- they need mommy and daddy to do this for them? The intriguing thing is that these alleged young adults aren't even embarrassed about this. The helicopter and snowplow parents (you know, the ones who hover and the ones who clear all obstacles) have seriously impaired their children's ability to assume an adult role in society. I see this in this plaintive meme about "nurses eat their young" in nursing.
    Of COURSE rudeness is, well, rude. Of COURSE a staff nurse who is overworked and underappreciated may have come to the end of her rope ten minutes before the students walked onto the unit. Of COURSE it's hard. But you know what? Nursing is not the only place this happens.
    You think your architect is thrilled to see a new intern burst upon the scene when he's on deadline? You think an engineer in a high-pressure job is grateful that a new grad wants to be praised just for showing up and being smiley? I really, really do hate to hear these words leaving my lips, but it has to be said: This is adulthood. You have the ability, and the right, to speak up like a big person and say, "Don't yell at me," but you don't have the right to think that you and your well-being are the center of someone else's work world.
    Be a little humble. They know you don't know much yet and will probably make their workload heavier while you get your feet under you. Go with that. Shut up and look around. Buck up. Put on your big-girl panties and deal. You CAN do this. Even if it's new behavior for you, even if your school or your parents didn't prepare you for it, now you're a big person, and you can. And remember, no one will want to chew on you if you're tough.
    Last edit by GrnTea on Apr 28, '11 : Reason: typos
    lindarn, Scrubby, Ruby Vee, and 2 others like this.

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  2. 2
    Quote from whowland
    Be a little humble. They know you don't know much yet and will probably make their workload heavier while you get your feet under you. Go with that. Shut up and look around. Buck up. Put on your big-girl panties and deal. You CAN do this. Even if it's new behavior for you, even if your school or your parents didn't prepare you for it, now you're a big person, and you can. And remember, no one will want to chew on you if you're tough.
    It's not just the coddled young adults who cannot cope with the bullying. In fact, there's often an element of ageism thrown into the mix because many nurses in their fifties and sixties are treated worse than chimpanzee poop at the workplace.

    In addition, many new grad nurses in this day and age are late entry folks who happen to be older than traditional college-age as a result of having had a previous career or having stayed at home to raise kids.
    tewdles and trixie333 like this.
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    It takes a lot of patience and an infinite well of kindness to not bully a fellow co-worker in the unit. I don't condone bullying but it happens in every profession. I admit I've done it too but what is important is what we do after we've realized our actions. Do we make things right? Do we apologize?
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    I suppose a little background information would be helpful. I have been wearing "big girl panties" longer than these children have been on earth. I am 45 years old, an officer of my class, Phi Theta Kappa, and heading towards Summa Cum Laude in my associates in nursing. My college has paid my way, and awarded me scholarships without even applying. I have participated in and lead numerous successful study groups whose members consistently achieved one letter grade higher than their previous scores. I have been generous with my time and always encouraged my peers when they lost hope. This semester i had an accident, and rather quickly, I was abandoned. I have post concussion and PTSD, exacerbated by the mayhem caused by by my peers. With so much riding on my success, the stress overcame me. I was trampled by the herd, while some of its members declared triumph over my demise. When I was least able to give them any more, they shunned me. This class has a notorious reputation for cannabalism and toxic grapevines. I ultimately had to withdraw and reapply. The five months distance this decision will provide will allow me to resume my studies without their negative influences. I am happy to leave them behind.
    tewdles and trixie333 like this.
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    Infinite well of kindness... I like that. I lost my way this semester. I drew inwards deeply. I went so far as to try to apologize for some imperceptible act or omission, and I was met with derision. Alas, it was not my fault. Once again, being a superior yet humble student has created jealousies. I can only own my actions in this, and seek healing and guidance along the way.
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    I am a currently dealing with situation that I feel is the product of what originated from "horizontal/lateral violence" and after a year has left me with no other choice but to "toss" in the towel and terminate myself. I am/was a "new" graduate and determined to become an ICU nurse. I ended up landed a most appeciated position in the medical ICU and was so excited I could not sleep! From day one I was criticized for "skipping" in the hallways, and being to happy to come to work. Although, I had a male preceptor, formor military, and was just trying to keep up. My spirits were crushed, but said nothing, and left the tears at home. I stuck to it, knowing this was expected. I completed internship, and asked to stay on days... I was criticized for not going to days as if it was a rule somewhere everyone must complete. I felt I was being talked about behind my back, and being told on for every mistake possible. I was calling in the managers off daily as if I was in the prinicpals office. I confronted my peers for issues I had, and it backfired as my words were turned into complaints and turned into the managers again without notifing me first. I continued defending misunderstood words/situations until one night I was finishing an admission late and ready to leave I go to my locker which I leave unlocked, to find someone placed a lock on it. Everyone denied placing lock. It had remained unlocked all day, and last checked by me at 1700, why would someone just not tell me and remove it? I had to wait until manager, security, and maintence was present to have the lock cut off so I could go home. My manager was notified, I was in tears. And the worst part was, a email was sent out asking for a confession (no one did) and nothing was brought to my attention about it since. I have been given, what I feel "horrible" assignments... and felt unappreciated, unworthy, and never accepted despite all efforts, only my faults were scene. I 100% take responibility that I have faults and make mistakes, but I ask for help, and most definatly am accountable for them. I completed my clinicals there as a student, and wished for it to be my home as a nurse, a am a fighter. But sometimes, fighting is a loosing battle.
    Not_A_Hat_Person and lindarn like this.
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    "It's not just the coddled young adults who cannot cope with the bullying. In fact, there's often an element of ageism thrown into the mix because many nurses in their fifties and sixties are treated worse than chimpanzee poop at the workplace. "

    Many nurses in their fifties and sixties who should know better by then are also bullies themselves and treat other staff, especially new people, like useless , time-wasting, incompetent,debilitated crap. Lets be fair...its not always about young kids.Age does not always = wisdom
    Not_A_Hat_Person likes this.
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    Skipping in the hallway comes across as a cheerleader and not a serious nurse. Going into ICU right out of school is tough and not for everybody. You will be under more scrutiny and if it is felt that you can't handle the acuity of ICU they will generally tell you that and allow you to transfer to a less intense position. Also the "horrible" assignments are a fact of life everywhere, but I imagine especially so in ICU when you are dealing with life and death critical patients and you are the only one standing in the way of a transfer to heaven! Not everyone is cut out for ICU, many go into it because of the so called "prestige" and others because they think it will be easier than the floors because you only have 1-2 patients not 5-7 or more!

    So perhaps you should do some soul searching to see whether ICU is really for you. How much of this situation is bullying, obviously that appears to be at least part of it, that someone would put a lock on your locker. That part is particularly bizarre, although doesn't your locker already have a lock to protect your valuables? That is very strange!

    I personally have no desire to do ICU, but I know it is not for everyone. Many people new grads and experienced go to ICU but later discover it's not for them or are told it's not for them and transfer to other depts. It's a hard transition even for experienced nurses, lots of stress, extreme acuity and unpredictability and not everyone is cut out for it. Mistakes can be deadly!

    But even if you leave ICU and try another dept, the skills you learned will come in handy whether tele stepdown, med-surg or whatever you decide!
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    [quote=rnmj2531;6361682]i am a currently dealing with situation that i feel is the product of what originated from "horizontal/lateral violence" and after a year has left me with no other choice but to "toss" in the towel and terminate myself. i am/was a "new" graduate and determined to become an icu nurse. i ended up landed a most appeciated position in the medical icu and was so excited i could not sleep! from day one i was criticized for "skipping" in the hallways, and being to happy to come to work. although, i had a male preceptor, formor military, and was just trying to keep up. my spirits were crushed, but said nothing, and left the tears at home. [quote]

    skipping in the halls for a split second one day could be rather fun and playful. it is not, however, professional and if it continues to occur it might lead to speculation about your maturity level and wither it's adequate to the icu. the fact that "your spirits were crushed" because you were asked not to engage in inappropriate behavior in the presence of patients, visitors and staff again calls your maturity into question.



    [quote=rnmj2531;6361682]i stuck to it, knowing this was expected. i completed internship, and asked to stay on days... i was criticized for not going to days as if it was a rule somewhere everyone must complete. [quote=rnmj2531;6361682]

    you were asked to stay on days but were criticized for not going to days? you made the request to stay on days but were criticized for not going to nights? your writing is unclear. if it's what i suspect, nights is a rite of passage for the icu nurse, and i can see why the other staff would resent you if you, a new grad, went straight to day shift without doing any nights. they'd also resent any manager who allowed you to do so. if you're already not fitting in because of lack of maturity, this wouldn't make you any more popular. nursing is teamwork -- you have to be a part of the team. and if you (as some new grads i've known) used daddy's "importance", or a made-up health issue s a reason to stay on day shift rather than rotating to nights with everyone else, i can see where they'd really resent you.

    [quote=rnmj2531;6361682]i felt i was being talked about behind my back, and being told on for every mistake possible. i was calling in the managers off daily as if i was in the prinicpals office. i confronted my peers for issues i had, and it backfired as my words were turned into complaints and turned into the managers again without notifing me first. i continued defending misunderstood words/situations[quote=rnmj2531;6361682]

    trust me, you were talked about behind your back. you've made yourself memorable, so you may even have been talked about more than most. but everyone gets talked about behind their back. some of it is nice "wow, emma really picks stuff up fast for a new grad," some of it just is "sydney's boyfriend is coming to visit from afghanistan, so we're all pitching in to cover her weekend" and some of it is not so nice. "did you see that new grad skipping in the hall? just like nursery school. i heard she's too special to go to nights,"

    you don't say how you confronted your peers. did you treat them the way you'd like to be treated? or did you, as one new grad i once knew, threaten them with your daddy making the ceo of the hospital straighten things out in your favor? nor do you indicate the caliber of mistakes you were "told on" for. were they huge mistakes? little mistakes? potentially fatal mistakes? minor mistakes that kept happening over and over with no indications that you intended to improve? if you're making the same mistake over and over again, it's frustrating. it could be dangerous. and when someone cares enough about your practice to take the risk of pointing it out to you and you just blow them off, that will lead to harsh feelings from your co-workers as well.

    but honey, if you're always defending "misunderstood words/situations," there's a real problem going on and that problem is you. clearly you're failing to learn what you're doing wrong and change your behavior.




    [quote=rnmj2531;6361682]
    until one night i was finishing an admission late and ready to leave i go to my locker which i leave unlocked, to find someone placed a lock on it. everyone denied placing lock. it had remained unlocked all day, and last checked by me at 1700, why would someone just not tell me and remove it? i had to wait until manager, security, and maintence was present to have the lock cut off so i could go home. my manager was notified, i was in tears. and the worst part was, a email was sent out asking for a confession (no one did) and nothing was brought to my attention about it since. [quote=rnmj2531;6361682]

    locking your locker on you was nasty. if you were a team member with your colleagues, it could have been just one of those practical jokes that everyone plays on everyone else. and it's entirely possible that it was a practical joke played on a popular member of the team, but they erred and got your locker instead. i can see why it would be frustrating, but it's also an indication that you've so alienated yourself from your colleagues that they don't care that you just wanted to go home. no one wanted to fess up and be accused of being mean to you.



    Quote from rnmj2531
    i have been given, what i feel "horrible" assignments... and felt unappreciated, unworthy, and never accepted despite all efforts, only my faults were scene. i 100% take responibility that i have faults and make mistakes, but i ask for help, and most definatly am accountable for them. i completed my clinicals there as a student, and wished for it to be my home as a nurse, a am a fighter. but sometimes, fighting is a loosing battle.
    everyone gets horrible assignments. sometimes we get lots of horrible assignments in a row. if there are new grads on the unit, everyone who isn't precepting them is going to get horrible assignments day after day after day. if you spent a lot of time complaining about it, you'll be seen as a complainer. i don't know you and i don't know your situation other than from what i'm reading here, but i suspect that a lot of your failure to be a part of the team was your own behavior. i'd advise you to take a good, long, hard look at what you contributed to all of these negative interactions at work and resolve to change the way you interact with others. it may save this job for you, but it will definitely be invaluable in your next job.

    good luck and let us know how things go.
    pgnurse79 likes this.
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    Life is too short when dealing with office politics. I go to work, put my head down and do my job, keep my mouth closed and go home. If this doesn't work, I find a new job. I've been bullied on the job and I quit that job. There's politics no matter what you do for a living. You just have to be above the bs.
    Sugarcoma likes this.


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