I feel so embarrased and feel like harrased...

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Hello fellow nurse sisters

I feel so embarrased to share this story, but I can't stop thinking.

I was helping a young male patient to take a shower. He was washing himself, and I was just helping his back, but suddenly he grabbed the towel, covered the area, and told me that he has something. I didn't see or realize anything until he told me so.

I just told him that it's okay and will bring a male nurse to help. I left the shower and brought the male nurse to finish the job. I took care of him until the end of my shift.

I know that it was out of his control, and he was apologetic, but I feel like I got harrased somehow and can't stop thinking about my behavior. I try to be nice and sweet to my patients, but I don't do anything special to male patients. I'm not sure and kinda feel down...

Any thoughts or sharing???

Specializes in E.R. and I.C.U..

I think that you did the right thing by getting a male nurse to take over. I always trade work with my male coworkers so that they will take care of the foley caths on my young male patients and I will do all the EKGs and caths on the young females for them. I can see how the situation was VERY awkward for you. This will stick in your mind and you will learn from it I'm sure.

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I think the OP may have felt "harassed" because she didn't notice the patient had an erection until the patient drew her attention to it. Depending on the circumstances and how it was said, it may or may not have felt threatening. I personally think what was described wasn't harassment and the man seems to have felt embarrassed, but I wasn't there.

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i won't question you about feeling harrassed, since others covered that question.

but what do you mean that you can't stop thinking about your behavior?

how were you acting/responding to him?

yes, this is a common and natural phenomenon within the male population.

it happened betw me and a pt, and i casually responded with "no biggie".

the pt responded "should i take that literally?"

funny how the embarrassment shifted from him to me in no time flat.

you used "harrassed", which i don't believe that's the word you intended to use...

and i used "no biggie", which in slang, means "no big deal".

there has to be a lesson in there, for both of us, agreed?:o

leslie

hahahaha, this is funny. "no biggie". poor guy...

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Specializes in geriatrics, dementia, ortho.
Or in the hallway...

Or in the activities room...

Or on the patio...

Or when one who you have to be SBA for (dementia patient) decides that since you walked him up to the toilet, he should probably grab your hand and try to place it on his genitals. Sheesh. I said "No, that's your job." and took a few steps back.

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He was not harrassing you. He probably had no control and was actually quite modest and polite about the whole thing. Unless he said something like "I have something FOR YOU"....now THAT would be out of line. But believe me, you will get flirted with a lot as a nurse. Unfortunately, many lonely male patients see nurses as very sexualized angels of mercy. So you will have to find your own ways of maneuvering those situations.

When I was a massage therapist almost every man got an erection. There are polite, humanistic, and humorous ways to deal with erections. It isn't always about you. The man does not have to be attracted to you either. Ignoring them is a good way to deal with things for starters.

You dealt with the situation gracefully. That's all there is to it. You did well. So did he.

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Or when one who you have to be SBA for (dementia patient) decides that since you walked him up to the toilet, he should probably grab your hand and try to place it on his genitals. Sheesh. I said "No, that's your job." and took a few steps back.[/quote

I work on OB...do your gentlemen patients really enjoy...themselves...publicly like that? :eek: **SHUDDERS** I thought that was an urban myth, LOL. My cousin remembered her clinical site having a dark computer room with lots of trash cans. The staff said they didn't monitor the websites and wanted patients to feel at home...**repeat shudder**

I sure do love me some labor patients. You can be certain thats one issue we don't have on our floor!

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Specializes in OB (with a history of cardiac).

Do you actually mean "humiliated"? I think we've come to the conclusion that "harassed" is not what was meant. I'm sure it was a little embarrassing for you but as others have said, probably monumentally embarrassing for him. If he was harassing you he probably wouldn't have covered up, but would have probably just...flaunted it, I don't know.

I have walked in to assess male patients or to do my obligatory hourly rounding and found them with their hand down their britches, asleep.

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Specializes in ICU.

Quadrapelegics get erections. They cant even feel it, but their member reacts to touch. Its an automatic thing. i was giving quad a bath one day, he was 18, but I was just going about it, all I did was move the foley and that was enough to get things stimulated. I just covered it up and carried on. You were not harassed. Feel sorry for the embarrased young man. He had no control over it

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Men get erections. Period. It doesn't mean he was fantasizing about you or even thinking about you. Especially if he was washing himself down there. Haven't had it happen yet to me, but at school they mentioned that male patients may get an erection when you are about to, for instance, put a catheter in (from the touching, I assume). In which case they suggested to cover the area and leave the room for a minute or two and then come back (though personally I think this might just cause MORE embarassment for the patient.. if it happened to me I think I would put the sheet over and chat with the patient a bit or ask if he'd be more comfortable if I left and came back in a few minutes). One of my teachers also suggested changing nurses, though I'm not sure why that would really help too much, unless the current nurse is wearing her scrubs half unbuttoned and dancing around the room. xD Point is, I don't think it happens because of the NURSE, it happens because the patient is a male and men get erections. Again, it probably had absolutely nothing to do with you.

I feel sorry for the patient, too. Your reaction to it probably made him feel even worse. The best thing to do in that situation is not to make a big deal out of it. If he could have controlled it and stopped it from happening, trust me he would have. But he couldn't. It's anatomy, not harassment.

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Specializes in ER.

Maybe nursing isn't for you, after all.

I viewed your profile, to see if you were brand new to acute care, in an attempt to get a handle on why this would be an issue for you.

I was curious as to why you chose to use such "shaded" and safe language to directly describe what you encountered.

You've made a couple of posts wondering if nursing is for you.

I don't think it is.

It really not only concerns me, but kind of irritates me that:

1) a nursing PROFESSIONAL has an issue saying a man got an erection while they performed some standard of care, and

2)that you have a sincere lack of maturity to deal with it.

Do you think a female physician would act like this??

Honestly, in nursing you will have multiple encounters with memberes in multiple states of arousal, and will likely have multiple lewd suggestions, deliberate and not, verbalized and implied.

If you can't react in the appropriate manner, maybe you need to work in an all female ward/hospital, or maybe with infants?? Or, maybe not in nursing after all??

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I have a feeling the OP is young and somewhat inexperienced or naive about men. And/or has had a very sheltered upbringing. Not to get into OP's personal life, just saying she comes across as how I would expect a 14-year-old girl to react, thinking that an erection means the guy is thinking dirty thoughts about her/harrasing her (don't mean to say immature, just uneducated about sex). Haven't read OP's other posts, but if my impressions are correct, she might benefit from a sex ed. class or something similar. I just hope OP doesn't have any kind of beliefs that sex/sexual thoughts/masturbation, etc. are immoral because they are a completely normal part of life and it might take some maturing to accept that.

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Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.
Hello fellow nurse sisters

I feel so embarrased to share this story, but I can't stop thinking.

I was helping a young male patient to take a shower. He was washing himself, and I was just helping his back, but suddenly he grabbed the towel, covered the area, and told me that he has something. I didn't see or realize anything until he told me so.

I just told him that it's okay and will bring a male nurse to help. I left the shower and brought the male nurse to finish the job. I took care of him until the end of my shift.

I know that it was out of his control, and he was apologetic, but I feel like I got harrased somehow and can't stop thinking about my behavior. I try to be nice and sweet to my patients, but I don't do anything special to male patients. I'm not sure and kinda feel down...

Any thoughts or sharing???

I'm glad we got some nursing "brothers" here - we learn this in school and of course we encounter it I just appreciate the feedback from those who really know . . .

I took care of adolescents - when I had just turned 20 and they were 17 or 18! No male nurses to call lol. Luckily our instructors taught us how to have a sort of "no nonsense demeanor" (I'm pretty sure the storied "pencil cure" is an urban legend) and the only patients to hit on me were old men!

Neeke - you finished your shift with him and that is the important thing. I'm sorry your school didn't go over this with you because as you probably realize you are not at fault for being too provocative - now you know!

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