How do you deal with passive aggression in nursing? - Page 4

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  1. Aug 6, '12 by
    Thank you to everyone who responded. I am done. Obviously, nobody has experienced this type of thing or has any answers. But I thank you for your rebukes and challenges. I will be sure not to say a thing about the birthday gifts, which clearly could lead anyone I talk to to the wrong conclusion. That helped.
  2. Aug 6, '12 by
    Quote from Sensibility
    Ruby, I have read your posts in the past and trust me, you are the complete opposite of passive aggressive.
    Trust me, nursing needs a lot more nurses who are "the complete opposite" of passive aggressive.
  3. Aug 6, '12 by
    If you feel like your younger colleague treats you differently, simply pull her aside and ask why you perceive tension between the two of you. There may very well be an issue that exists. You will not know until you do her the courtesy, and pay her the respect as a nursing colleague, to ask what is bothering her.

    After assessing the situation for what it is, you may or may not be able to fix it. It could be that your personalities clash which cannot be fixed. However, you are expected to behave as a health professional at work. You must execute your nursing duties in the most objective way possible because the care that you give at the bedside depends on it.

    One last thing: Out of all respect for you as a human being, I have not seen you own up to anything in all of these posts...still. Despite how other people give you advice meant to empower you, you still want to play the role of the "victim", casting fault on everyone around you but yourself. All that I am saying is to assess yourself, make changes to yourself, because that is what you have control over. Take responsibility for yourself and your actions. It is only then that you will be truly empowered.
    KelRN215, jadelpn, and wooh like this.
  4. Aug 6, '12 by
    Quote from Kasandra
    One last thing: Out of all respect for you as a human being, I have not seen you own up to anything in all of these posts...still. Despite how other people give you advice meant to empower you, you still want to play the role of the "victim", casting fault on everyone around you but yourself. All that I am saying is to assess yourself, make changes to yourself, because that is what you have control over. Take responsibility for yourself and your actions. It is only then that you will be truly empowered.
    Kasandra,
    I grant you that I didn't do the best job explaining myself. I admit that. I don't want to do that because a) it would be too long and b) it would be too much information for this list. I sincerely was asking about passive aggression that again, if you aren't aware of this behavior and how it operates, can subtly attack professionally. It spills over into working together as a team, iow, which is why it has caused me concern and no other reason. Only I was trying to avoid that part of the story because I want to be discrete. People can do the same two actions. One is just innocent good kindness and the other that appears by all rights to be exactly like it is not. The reason I haven't owned up to any of these posts is because they were off on an unrelated tangent that had nothing to do with the subject. I was not offended by the gifts. I do not socialize with anyone outside of work and I am happy as can be to continue to be that way. Seriously.
  5. Aug 6, '12 by
    Most, if not all, nurses have experienced passive aggressiveness because we work in a predominant female oriented specialty. Most women do not like any confrontation. Instead, they gossip, are passive aggressive, etc. Yes, I myself have had people simply not like me. I have had a few decide that I wasn't a "good" nurse which caused their clique to adopt the same opinion of me. I was a new grad out of school when I had to endure being asked what my normal lab values were in report (which I was on my own at the time), had people condemn me to my peers and management for not being able to stage a wound (although I could describe it well, and did so in report), etc. Real quick, I had to grow a thick skin. I used to get mad about how certain people treated me at work. There were a couple of times that I pulled people aside to ask what I could do better, some of the same people who did talk behind my back, who would say nothing to me. I was given no constructive feedback. The majority of the nurses, if not all, that I worked alongside with enjoyed working with me. I have always been safe with my patient care..and detailed. The conflict that I had at my first job was with some of the nurses on the opposite shift as me. They just did not like me and never did me the service or kindness of being any sort of mentor or supporter of myself. So, yes, I have endured passive aggressive nurses.


    However, I have always went to work knowing that my patients are the priority. If I am not popular, per se, or liked by everyone (almost impossible in most cases), I can deal with that. Why or How? Those passive aggressive nurses made me just that much stronger. I hold my own as a nurse much better than I did in the beginning. I directly speak my mind regardless of whether someone will like what I have to say (although I have decided to be much wiser in choosing my battles). I know that I am a very good nurse and have a safe, effective nursing practice: I have seen so many of my patients get better, have received many hugs and compliments from them and even my nursing colleagues. Essentially, you take a negative and turn it into a positive.
  6. Aug 6, '12 by
    I suggest taking them aside and saying, "Are we gonna have a PROBLEM, me and you?" like Cameron Diaz in Bad Teacher.
    eleectrosaurus, jadelpn, and Kasandra like this.
  7. Aug 6, '12 by
    @redhead: I loved Bad Teacher! It was so funny!
    redhead_NURSE98! likes this.
  8. Guide
    Aug 6, '12 by
    Quote from Sensibility
    I appreciated this post. I had to work last night which is why I didn't respond. On purpose, I didn't share many pertinent details because I am always concerned that someone out there might be one of these colleagues. I don't want to give out so much information that they might say, OMG. But you explained very well how women can get together in an antagonistic clique, force the focus off of patient care, and leave others out of the clique. Young inexperienced nurses are easily sucked into the clan through gift giving, flattery, and just wanting to fit in especially when it is three full bags of gifts and a cake done in front of one of the people who will never be allowed into the clique and got zero for her birthday. I am not stupid and I'm not young. I have lived long enough to know how a gift can turn a young person to be your best friend. Do you think I care two straws about who gets gifts? I would never be offended at friends giving gift to friends. If someone is the friend of someone else, they are going to get together outside of work, give gifts on birthdays, and they might be invited to their wedding when someone else isn't. i could care less. The people who are nice to me have done that and I don't care.

    Because I was happy to see her be celebrated on her birthday, I didn't even consider what had happened that day until nearly a month later when I realized that this young nurse who hasn't worked there more than a year and is not the best friend of the head nurse was starting to talk to me disrespectfully. And you're so right. Whatever our differences are, we need to put those aside and work together. We aren't there to be best friends. We need to support each other professionally and that is when I start getting concerned about this stuff. As I said, this has become a point of passive aggression coupled with gossip where my head nurse manipulates through these subtle things that when added up become very apparent and spill over into our unit and work ethic. And yes, she has treated me horribly professionally as well sometimes. Our unit is small. It is peds. It is like an ICU but a step down to it. Our parents are in rooms surrounding our nurse's station. She has manipulated some of the parents at times as well. This never happens when she isn't there. I mean the day shift head nurse even sees that this women gives new meaning to passive aggression but nobody knows how to handle it. She's a good nurse, which is why she got that position.

    Some suggestions that have come up:
    1. Transfer to a different shift or unit. I don't like that because I love my unit and I haven't done anything to deserve being transferred.
    2. Write her up. Some people are highly offended at write ups and this could easily backfire.
    3. Call her into the office with some of the leadership that are higher than her.
    4. Or do as you suggest - nothing. Just do my job and hope this goes away at some point.

    My only concern about doing nothing (which is what I've been doing for months) is that I can see this is escalating through these young nurses who are so easily manipulated to form judgments against me, which makes it very difficult to work with them. Plus, yelling nurse has been brought in to be in charge several times when others call in sick and when she comes, I can be sure that at some point in the night, she is going to raise her voice at me over nothing, snub me, and just generally be mean. If I say anything, I have to contend with more passive aggression.

    SURELY you can see quite a bit of passive agressiveness in just this one post. You are seemingly looking for people's advice that you then have no intention of taking. However, your very own post is a glaring example. So I don't know if you are the passive agressive one who is transferring this onto co-workers, you need some self esteem work, or you are fishing. Best of luck in whatever you decide, but I think that you have more than enough pointers and a really good article on the subject to refer to.
    Ruby Vee, wooh, KelRN215, and 1 other like this.
  9. Aug 7, '12 by
    Quote from BrandonLPN
    Trust me, nursing needs a lot more nurses who are "the complete opposite" of passive aggressive.
    Word.
  10. Aug 7, '12 by
    Quote from sensibility
    ruby, i have read your posts in the past and trust me, you are the complete opposite of passive aggressive.
    ​thank you!