How can i resolve this mess! - page 2
by RN_InOZ 1,757 Views | 19 Comments
Hi i am only new here!.:welcome: In my current employment i feel i have burnt my bridges....:angryfire Firstly a colleague and i have expressed our frustration at the favoritsm in our ward. We had felt for about 6... Read More
- 1Sep 21, '07 by ktwlpn[QUOTE=RN_InOZ;2411544Because of this we have been labelled trouble makers, in our own lack of judgement we talked of some of our colleagues and were overheard.
So we started writing notes at the nurses station, this colleague of mine forgot to throw a note out.
Hm-I last wrote notes like that when I was 12 yrs old...Do every thing you can to own your mistakes,learn from them and make ammends.Don't blame your misfortunes on the fact that your nurse manager is younger then you and has less experience and "may feel threatened" She may have been quizzing you on your skills-not asking you questions simply because she did not know what to do. You could be the best clinical nurse on any ward but if you are a trouble maker no one will keep you around.If you thought your co-workers were talking about you behind your back you should have confronted them at that time.Instead you blew it up into a major drama.Never say anything at work about anyone that you would not want to repeat to their face.You show great immaturity by concerning yourself with what is "fair" and what you perceive to be favoritism.When you work with someone for a few years you learn who you can count on-it may look like favoritism to you because you feel you are one of the best clinically.But that is not the only aspect of a good nurse and a valued member of a team...I know what you are going through-when I was young my mouth got me into trouble more then once-it's a hard lesson to learn..
- 0Sep 21, '07 by ceecel.deeI think you must face those that you mocked or insulted (even if it was indirectly) and present yourself to the nurse manager, that you disrespected, with your heart-felt apologies. Make it known to her that you are facing the music, and that you know that you deserve her mistrust of you. Research seminars or courses on character building and/or leadership skills, and enroll. Let your nurse manager know the steps you are taking to resolve your admitted problem. She just might regain a bit of the respect for you she once had! All is not lost! The ball is in your court, and you will a better person for facing up to the challenge! Good luck!
- 0Sep 21, '07 by KatnipQuote from Zookeeper3Depends on where you are. I needed 3 professional references for my last job.In the US, generally you will need two personal and two professional references. In my experience (13 yrs doing everything and many part time jobs with the full time ones), they never called the people on your resume, this past two years in the southern US they have been calling, and I've been references for others and they call every time.
so I think that there is a good amount of weight placed upon peer references. This would really help you in my neck of the woods, get references in writing too, incase you loose touch with these nurses.
What the future employer will or will not accept is up to each facility.
What I'd suggest is to do a bit of groveling to the current manager. State you know it was childish, you apologize for it and it won't happen again. And make sure it doesn't. Then I'd write an apology to those who you were gossiping about, especially if it hurt them in any way. Hopefully that will cause your manager to give you at least a neutral reference for your next employer.
- 1Sep 21, '07 by Emmanuel GoldsteinQuote from ktwlpnExcellent post.Hm-I last wrote notes like that when I was 12 yrs old...Do every thing you can to own your mistakes,learn from them and make ammends.Don't blame your misfortunes on the fact that your nurse manager is younger then you and has less experience and "may feel threatened" She may have been quizzing you on your skills-not asking you questions simply because she did not know what to do. You could be the best clinical nurse on any ward but if you are a trouble maker no one will keep you around.If you thought your co-workers were talking about you behind your back you should have confronted them at that time.Instead you blew it up into a major drama.Never say anything at work about anyone that you would not want to repeat to their face.You show great immaturity by concerning yourself with what is "fair" and what you perceive to be favoritism.When you work with someone for a few years you learn who you can count on-it may look like favoritism to you because you feel you are one of the best clinically.But that is not the only aspect of a good nurse and a valued member of a team...I know what you are going through-when I was young my mouth got me into trouble more then once-it's a hard lesson to learn..
RninOZ, combined with Dee's advice, you might be able to salvage something of this. I re-read the OP again, and it's clear you're putting the blame on most everyone but yourself. Suck it up and make a sincere apology to all involved. Then make it good by changing your behaviour.
I hope you learn from this. Good luck.
- 0Sep 21, '07 by BuddahNatureIf I understand you correctly,there are no issues with your clinical performance.Also,since you did not mention it, it is safe to assume there has been no issues of this type in the past. If all of this is true,I would resign now. I would in the interim work agency,until I was ready to once again settle into a permanent job. I feel,this might resolve your problem to some extent,because you would avoid the worse case scenario,of having to explain,why you were terminated. It would be easier to explain a reluctance to rehire. You could at least point out, some positives such as you were there 2 years,which does show some stability. Also your clinical preformance, was more than satisfactory 'You would have references furnished from coworkers,to affirm that,and other positive attributes about you.
Some how I think if you stayed until you were possibly terminated,your fine points and positives that you are trying to get across may not be as loudly heard by the interviewer,and may just be falling on deaf ears.
I think you need to take control of this situation,before your options run out.Last edit by BuddahNature on Sep 21, '07
- 0Sep 21, '07 by nyapaQuote from rncdreamsrncdreams,hmm... this is kind of tricky.
-second, your current job cannot say anything except "yes" or "no" when asked if they would hire you. to the best of my knowledge, it may even be illegal for your current employer to say "well, she was passing notes." please ask other (more experienced) nurses about this, but i'm pretty sure that's how it goes.
unfortunately in australia a reference is exactly that: a reference. they have the right to ring your previous employer and ask how the employee was. usually though the hr dept wouldnt have something like "passes notes" on their record. it would have to be something more dire than that to have something bad on it. the prospective employer may wish to speak to the num. but you are expected usually to give contacts for two or three referees to give positive information about your work.
- 0Sep 21, '07 by leslie :-Djust found this post and am glad to see the others who say you should come clean.
going directly (and immediately) to your nurse manager, stating, "i was frustrated and handled this poorly. now that i've had time to think about my actions, i now realize that professionalism is not only an image, but also a behavior that addresses stressful situations with maturity and grace..."
tell her something relaying those sentiments.
show accountability and that you're willing to deal with these "growing pains".
and most important, be sincere: mean what you say.
do not do or say this for the wrong reasons.
that is something only you can answer.
best of everything to you.
- 0Sep 24, '07 by RN_InOZOk with advice from members here, colleagues i trust at work i have come up with a little plan......
I am on annual leave now that was pre arranged, the NUM did say to me to let her know my plan prior to coming back.
I think that is unreasonable so i am going to enjoy my first week of holiday. Then next week i am planning to go to speak to Employee support services. I will put my situation on the table, confess to my wrongs, and actively seek advice on managing the situation.
This way i am making an honest active effort to correct my wrongs, i was planning to run off and resign, but at least i can try and grow from it.
A few close colleagues i told, assured me what i have done is not worthy of being terminated, but admitting wrongs and trying to correct it is a big show of strength, and proffesionalism.
Do others think this is a good way to go about it?
- 0Sep 24, '07 by jojotooOK, this is what I think you should do.
Schedule a private meeting with your NM and apologize for your unprofessional behavior. And yes, it was unprofessional. Writing and passing notes at the nurses' station? This is not high school. If it sounds as if I'm being hard on you, it's to prepare you for the rest of the ripping you're going to get from the NM. You have to own up to YOUR behavior. Not complain about how the other nurses were treating you, and that's why you were doing what you were doing. Not how the other nurse was also writing notes, but only you have been singled out for punishment.
Suck it up, apologize, promise that there will never be another incident like this. Grovel if you have to. I'm not sure what the labor laws are in Australia, what can and cannot be said to future employers, but you are much too early in your career to be burning bridges.
It takes a lot of courage to go one and one with your NM and admit that you were in the wrong. Good luck, and let us know what happens.
- 0Sep 26, '07 by BuddahNatureI feel in this matter there are some trust issues that need to be recognized. In order to regain someones trust,then you need time to do this. I feel,expresing apologies is appropriate,but we all know in certain situations an apology is not enough. This is one of those situations, where a passage of time is most needed , to make things right again.What will that take 6 months to a year to see if truly a new different and better person has emerged. Well,I can only guess as to how much time is actually needed,but I certainly feel if you are leaving shortly because of an up coming move,the best you can do to make this situation work out for you on your new job,is to resign now as graciously as possible,in order to make the best possible new start on your next job.