Having such a hard time moving forward

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Sep 7, 2014

I cry every day because I am so hurt by the way I've been treated, and the hurdles I've had to overcome and hoops I've had to jump through just to get through my workday unnoticed.

I have no advice to give. (((hugs)))

I just wanted to mention that any workplace where you feel that uncomfortable is not a place where you want to be long term. Good luck to you.

enuf_already · Sep 7, 2014

HeartRN13, do you have an employee assistance program that can help you work through this? I'm talking specifically the depression and anxiety, but they may also be better equipped to offer advice about how to handle the work situation. I'm sure you can divulge more to a therapist than on a public message board.

I do not think you are crazy, so please don't take my suggestion the wrong way. I think you are in a very bad, toxic to you, situation that needs intervention now. Work and anxiety because of your coworkers should not rule your life! Hugs to you.

ICURN3020 · Sep 8, 2014

I'm so sorry you're going through this! For a bunch of supposedly educated, professional, caring adults to intentionally try to make someone's life miserable is really pathetic. I know this can be beyond difficult to do, but you have to remember that this is about them, not you. When I come into contact with people like you describe, I think to myself, "It must be really miserable being them. They're always so angry and nasty to others. Their life must really be terrible to always have an attitude like that". Then I remind myself of all the good in my life (husband, kids, family & friends).Reminding myself of this helps me remember that this is their problem and that I only have control over my own words and actions.

Emergent, RN · Sep 8, 2014

It sounds like it could be a hostile workplace. Keep your eyes on the job boards, it sounds as if you might be pigeonholed where you are now working. Meanwhile, hold yourself together. Be strong. Social acceptance by these people should not be your goal Don't let other people influence you emotionally this much. You will gain confidence and strength as you progress in your career. Have faith in your future!

Nola009 · Sep 8, 2014

Sorry you are going through such a tough time. It sounds like they aren't worth putting much effort towards. Just be cordial and do what's right for you. I wouldn't go out of my way to be nice or mean for these people.

HeartRN13 · Sep 8, 2014

HeartRN13, do you have an employee assistance program that can help you work through this? I'm talking specifically the depression and anxiety, but they may also be better equipped to offer advice about how to handle the work situation. I'm sure you can divulge more to a therapist than on a public message board.
I do not think you are crazy, so please don't take my suggestion the wrong way. I think you are in a very bad, toxic to you, situation that needs intervention now. Work and anxiety because of your coworkers should not rule your life! Hugs to you.

I think that's a great suggestion. I didn't take offense at all, I know I'm not crazy but I for sure have to start thinking about utilizing resources that will help with my coping.

?

HeartRN13 · Sep 8, 2014

Thank you everyone for the replies. I am doing my best to stay strong and with a smile so I don't get dragged down!

iluvivt, BSN, RN · Sep 8, 2014

It is really difficult to concentrate on your patients and provide high quality care if you are constantly dodging bullets. Why do you think you are being picked on or alienated? I am not quitter by any stretch of the imagination but I would probably start looking at other units in the hospital or a different job if that is possible. You cannot continue to work in these conditions and you may not be able to change the environment there you will only be able to change how you view it and respond to it and that may not be enough to overcome it. You move on by getting OUT.... if it does not get better....nursing is hard enough without all this crap added to your day!

duskyjewel · Sep 8, 2014

I know my part and contribution from the beginning, but I've truly changed what I needed to

I sincerely hope you have, because it sounds like you need a new workplace. I'd hate for you to repeat whatever your contribution was at a new place and have the same problem all over again. Four months is a long time....why are they holding a grudge so long? Is no one willing to give you a chance? Is everyone treating you badly? Seems very toxic.

I'm scheduled to work tomorrow and my anxiety is already creeping up at the thought of having to go in tomorrow, and it's 26 hours before I even have to walk out of my house for work.

I had a job that made me feel like that. I knew I'd end up with a bleeding stomach ulcer if I didn't quit. Hopefully you can find some kind of resolution or move on.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Sep 9, 2014

It all started months ago when I was the new nurse, coming into an environment that I wasn't used to. I had a difficult time adjusting, but once I got through the adjustment period and assimilated into this new workplace, I became the target of lateral workplace abuse. I know my part and contribution from the beginning, but I've truly changed what I needed to and it didn't matter.
It's been a long 4 months of being the target of malicious coworkers. I've stayed strong and shown up to work every day with a smile on my face, and being the coworker that I would want to work alongside of. I help, I'm kind, and I work hard despite what has gone on and how hostile they've been toward me.
It's affected me at home. I am so hurt and beat down emotionally that I can't even drag myself out of bed. I cry every day because I am so hurt by the way I've been treated, and the hurdles I've had to overcome and hoops I've had to jump through just to get through my workday unnoticed. I find a corner to hide in when I'm not with my patients, praying I can make it out of the building at the end of my shift without giving anyone a reason to try to get me pushed out the door.
I'm having such a hard time moving forward, and I know I have to but I just don't know how. I'm scheduled to work tomorrow and my anxiety is already creeping up at the thought of having to go in tomorrow, and it's 26 hours before I even have to walk out of my house for work. Don't they realize that I'm a person? I put on a smile and try to be brave but the truth is I am so shattered after having to go through this. I hate the word depressed but you could undoubtedly call me that.

You haven't described the "lateral violence" or the "malicious co-workers," so it's entirely possible that what's going on is that you've irritated a number of your co-workers and they either haven't gotten over it yet, or they have yet to notice a change in your behavior. You say you've changed what you needed to, and that may truly be the case. But it usually takes about six months to a year before your co-workers notice a change in your behavior and make a corresponding change in their attitude. Unfortunately, it's easier to ruin a good reputation than to fix a bad one. It may also be that you've changed the wrong behavior, changed it in the wrong way or haven't changed it enough. You won't know unless you make the effort to talk to a few of your co-workers. Pick an experienced nurse whose practice you repect and ask her for suggestions. It may be something as simple as more situational awareness . . . offering to help someone whose is slammed with work without waiting to be asked, or managing your IV pump alarms or ensuring that your patients' visitors follow the rules. You won't know unless you ask.

It sounds as though you're depressed and the suggestion by a previous poster to try some counseling was a good one. Perhaps once you've gotten some counseling you'll look at your relationships with your co-workers with a fresh eye and it won't all seem so bad. Or you'll have more confidence to try to talk with them to work through your difficulties.

Good luck.