Foot in mouth, now a social pariah

Nurses Relations

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Was hoping for a little advice on a situation I got myself into at work.

I've never been a social butterfly, definitely not my strong suit. Recently at work I attempted to make a joke about during my shift and I guess it wasn't well thought out. It ended up really offending people (I had only said it in a convo with like 2 people where one of them apparently went around and told everyone whatever) and turning me into a bit of an outcast at work and making my work life miserable to the point where everyday I want to quit my job now.

It's made me miserable both at work and outside of work, to the point that it's having a notable negative impact on my life. Not really sure how to deal with the situation outside of just giving up and quitting. I completely want to avoid any and all contact with almost all of the people on my unit at this point.

And without going into detail into what I said it wasn't sexist racial political or anything like that. I'm still amazed that it has turned into anything. Though I haven't said that to anyone since I don't want to appear more insensitive and or like more of an ahole than I already seem to

allnurses Guide

Nurse SMS, MSN, RN

6,843 Posts

Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.

The best thing you can do? Hold your head up, be friendly, ignore the high school politics going on and do your job well. If you truly can't stand it there, then start investigating working elsewhere, but do NOT let them see you walking around with your tail between your legs. Present yourself with confidence. Right now I suspect you are being pretty meek and tentative and thus they smell blood in the water.

Everyone makes a mistake. It will pass and do so more quickly if you are direct, eye contact, interactive and matter of fact in your interactions with everyone else. Pull those shoulders back and be all smiles. Believe me, people who gang up like that don't have the stamina to continue this long term if you don't feed them.

Graduatenurse14

630 Posts

I'm really not sure. Was that one person so terribly offended that they felt the need to tell everyone about it? If it was a case like that, could apologizing to that person and making it right with them, make it better with everyone?

Good luck!!

Specializes in Oncology/StemCell Transplant; Psychiatry.

Come on, now you HAVE to tell us what you said. I can't think of any kind of joke that could've offended a whole unit that wasn't political, racist, or sexist. If it wasn't THAT bad, I'm sure everyone will forget about it in a couple of days.

Graduatenurse14

630 Posts

The best thing you can do? Hold your head up, be friendly, ignore the high school politics going on and do your job well. If you truly can't stand it there, then start investigating working elsewhere, but do NOT let them see you walking around with your tail between your legs. Present yourself with confidence. Right now I suspect you are being pretty meek and tentative and thus they smell blood in the water.

Everyone makes a mistake. It will pass and do so more quickly if you are direct, eye contact, interactive and matter of fact in your interactions with everyone else. Pull those shoulders back and be all smiles. Believe me, people who gang up like that don't have the stamina to continue this long term if you don't feed them.

I agree with this too.

middleagednurse

554 Posts

Specializes in nurseline,med surg, PD.

Be an adult. Corner the 2 people who you were talking to and say something like "apparently my joke was offensive. I want to apologize and I realize now that it was in bad taste." An apology can go a long way.

Farawyn

12,646 Posts

Say, "I'm sorry. I was trying to be funny, and it was a major fail on my part. I did not mean to hurt you. Can we start over?"

Own it. Then move on.

Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN

4 Articles; 7,907 Posts

Specializes in Psych ICU, addictions.

Apologize for the bad joke, then YOU let it go and focus on your work. You can't force them to forgive you, but you can do your part to try to mend fences...and I can't see them holding a grudge forever after you've made a sincere apology to them. Until then, as others have said, hold your head up and be confident.

And it would probably be best for you while at work to reign in the sense of humor for a while.

brandiep1982

236 Posts

Specializes in Neuro/ ENT.

Ya, what everyone else said. :)

We all makes mistakes. Including your coworkers.

Dany102

142 Posts

Hello arack05,

Like middleagednurse and Farawyn said, I think it is time you confronted these 2 people. Not to pick a fight but to own up to the bad joke, apologize for it, and move on.

Hey, on the plus side, I bet you won't make that joke again! :up:

Best of luck.

I hope you'll tell us what the oh-so-offensive joke was. It might be uncomfortable for you to just tell it, but hopefully folks will recognize you being vulnerable enough to tell, and will be supportive and give you useful feedback.

Sometimes 'social skills' come easy or not so easy. In your shoes, I'd really NOT want to go around offending people if it was not my intention at all. I'd want to know exactly what was offensive -- especially as you claim your whole job is miserable because folks are so angry and resentful of you.

You need to know if you really put your foot in your mouth so you can examine yourself and with compassion for yourself, learn something important, social skill wise :)

You also need to know if what you said was 'offensive' in a more objective way, right? If what you said was not oh-so-offensive, and your coworkers are treating you like a pariah, that means IT WASN'T YOU.

Apologizing is also fine. Maybe it's just me, but I'd want to know if I said something that was truly offensive. I make deliberate efforts to NOT be offensive, as a rule. In my attempts to NOT be offensive, if I DO offend someone, I will be curious about that. Perhaps I have something to learn, to be more sensitive to, I am far from perfect. Perhaps my coworkers have a drama queen thing going on here. Anyway, I'd want to know for sure, as much as it's possible to know. I wouldn't want to do it again, and I wouldn't want to do anything LIKE that, or resembling it, again :)

Red Kryptonite

2,212 Posts

Specializes in hospice.

I'm seriously wondering if OP is the nurse that called the transgender patient "it" from the other thread....

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