Define being supportive. - page 2

by CraigB-RN

2,234 Unique Views | 24 Comments

I recently had an IM conversation with a member who accused me of being degrading and non supportive, and said I should make a public appology over comments I made. I called the poster naive. The question I have from you all,... Read More


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    i consider myself to be a very bare bones, no-nonsense person.
    being supportive can elicit different responses, depending on the situation.

    if it is indeed, a type of situation that the listener is helpless in providing any useful solutions, then usually a sympathetic response is given.

    if it is a situation that the listener thinks the griever may benefit from a different perspective, then said perspective can be given, in the spirit of encouragement.

    never, is there a time that being insensitive is acceptable.
    there are ways of providing a different viewpoint in a diplomatic way.
    being supportive is certainly not all about "warm and fuzzy".
    sometimes it is.
    i can't be drippy unless i'm feeling drippy.

    and i do agree with the poster who said that men tend to look for solutions, whereas women tend to focus on the emotions.
    a lot can get lost in these contexts.

    leslie
    VivaLasViejas likes this.
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    Also consider that it can be hard to get the nuances of what someone is saying through email, without tone of voice, facial expression, and so forth to cue us.

    I try to think at least twice before posting anything. Sometimes I think three or four times, and I have at times written a response to something and then not sent it.

    The gender thing can be a real issue, too, as some others have said.
    rn/writer and pagandeva2000 like this.
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    I lean towards thinking that if you post something in an open forum...expect honesty, and a variety of responses.
    pagandeva2000 and cardiacRN2006 like this.
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    Quote from Aprilhere
    I lean towards thinking that if you post something in an open forum...expect honesty, and a variety of responses.
    I agree with this.

    And also, i'd say that calling someone "naive" 1) isn't usually well-received as it is 2) isn't being supportive, either.
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    Is this board only for support though...or is it to come to to get honest opinions from a broad variety of people? I guess I'm generally a supportive person, but it isn't my goal to always be supportive on message boards, it's to be honest. I don't flame...but I don't "support" when I don't agree with the poster.
    Marie_LPN, RN and leslie :-D like this.
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    :yeahthat:
    Quote from natania
    Some people are just really sensitive.
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    The OP says he was on an IM with the person who described him as being non-supportive. That is a one to one conversation that he is referring to...don't you think that requires something more? Personally, I am much more sensitive and careful with my responses with talking one to one with another human being than a general response in a public forum. I think support should be supportive, even if it is hard for the person to hear...you can give support in a respectful way, that does not attack the person herself/himself. Feedback that attacks another human being does nothing for the person being attacked, it is for the person doing the attacking...there is something that person is venting about and they are taking it out on the innocent person just asking for support and/or reasonable, humane feedback. IMHO
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    i don't know, dee.
    i've come to this board, clearly seeking 'support'.
    recalling one time, when my son was in 5th grade, i started a thread seeking input about a problem i was having with a project that was due (for my son).
    instead of getting ideas/encouragement, i received "why are YOU doing his homework?"
    at first it surprised me but realized that it was just what i needed to hear.
    granted, it wasn't anything intimate i discussed.
    but sometimes, an op needs a different perspective.
    it's not always about hearing what you want to hear.

    leslie
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    sometimes you need a dutch uncle
    sometimes you need a favorite aunt

    somtimes what you need is not what you want
    rn/writer and pagandeva2000 like this.
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    Quote from earle58
    i don't know, dee.
    i've come to this board, clearly seeking 'support'.
    recalling one time, when my son was in 5th grade, i started a thread seeking input about a problem i was having with a project that was due (for my son).
    instead of getting ideas/encouragement, i received "why are YOU doing his homework?"
    at first it surprised me but realized that it was just what i needed to hear.
    granted, it wasn't anything intimate i discussed.
    but sometimes, an op needs a different perspective.
    it's not always about hearing what you want to hear.

    leslie
    Yes, I agree, as long as there wasn't any personal attacks or mean responses. Did anyone attack your ability to be a good Mother?
    There is a difference between giving feedback on a behavior (doing your son's homework) and feedback that attacks a person directly.


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