Confrontation with bullies at work place; need advice with next step - Page 9Register Today!
- Mar 22, '12 by Juniper248I've read through about 4 or 5 pages of this. I just want to voice my own opinion from what the OP is going through. Its true in life that you will have to "get over" the cruel people in this world. At the same time, NO one deserves to be bullied. I've been through a similar circumstance, and feeling alone when you're in a new place is really hard. Just know you are not alone. This type of bullying happens all the time. Its the social world we live in. The people in your unit are probably just trying to practice their authority on to you. Stay strong in yourself. Never let them put you down. But still know, what they are doing is NOT right, but typical.
- Mar 23, '12 by GHGoonetteThere's a couple of warning bells ringing in my head, and I just want to clear a couple of things up.
Lulu, are you working in your mother country, with people of the same economic and cultural background as yourself?
Can you say, with complete certainty and honesty, that she lied about you when confronted?
Sorry to bring up the "background" bit, but if she is, by her own confession, "closed to you", but not for her stated reasons, then other reasons for this attitude need to be explored.
Yes, when we are criticized, we all need to first examine ourselves to determine whether such criticism is justified. If it is, it is our duty to address our shortcomings. As pointed out, it can be frustrating when those we are attempting to teach don't make an effort to learn, but on the other hand, to be a preceptor presupposes that we have the patience to work with newbies of different levels of self-confidence! If you, Lulu, are very lacking in that inner confidence, you need to work on it. At the very least, it will affect your functioning in the workplace, and has a nasty tendency to attract bullies, who frequently have all the instincts of sharks drawn towards blood in the water!
- Mar 23, '12 by txnewbyIt's not just nursing. Unfortunately, and I hate this as a woman, but some very insecure women do seem to turn against their own. I see it in my company too. On top of it, I am slender, and I have heard that some of the women "hate me for that???" Wow. Can't win here. For a long time as an attorney, I thought if I was extra friendly, everyone would appreciate me and I would experience a good work atmosphere, make friends, yada yada. Now coming on ten years, it hit me that I'm done with it. I am now a good attorney and that's all that matters. I keep my head down and concentrate on my work. So long as my (male) supervisor is happy with my work, I don't care if the admins and secretaries and engineers like me. I suppose I am a people pleaser, and I am over that too. You can't make everyone happy. The next time you hear someone talking about you, just walk right up, insert yourself and ask if they need to talk to you personally? If someone is not listening to you, just pause and say "I noticed you don't seem to be focusing on what I am saying. Is there a problem?" I know it's easier said than done, but practice makes perfect. I have noticed that once you let a bully get the upper hand, it never stops, and they seem to delight in your trying to make nice. Been there done that. Good luck to you and all other nice people out there. Do not let bullies rule.
- Mar 24, '12 by GitanoRNvery informative article, unquestionably, "lateral abuse" is an epidemic reaching pandemonium proportion all over the globe. in addition, below you'll find a link that portrays this "lethal cancer known as lateral abuse" that is found in any workplace.
lateral violence in the workplace - youtube
- Mar 24, '12 by RNfasterSorry you're having a difficult time. Sometimes taking a coworker aside (after reflection and thought) to have a discussion may be helpful in clearing the air. If that's ineffective, you may have to seek counsel from a manager. It's also good to remember that folks may have another perspective (and work on issues that you may be creating).
I can't help but wonder if lateral violence/rudeness/indifference/passive aggression/bullying are more prevalent in some industries such as healthcare because of their histories. Healthcare culture is often entrenched with a hierarchical mindset that fosters negative behavior. I also think negative behavior amongst colleagues may be rooted in poor management, limited supplies, under-staffing, economic pressures, etc. Organizations that do not actively address such issues often have cultures that are unsafe for patients and more stressful for workers.
A culture of safety requires collegiality amongst teammates - whether nurse/nurse, nurse/provider, nurse/patient, nurse/family member, MD/family member, nurse/unlicensed personnel, nurse/dietary, etc. It also requires that team members listen to one another and respond to one another effectively and respectfully. If there are issues, participants should pursue resolution.
Neither rudeness nor bullying (nor indifference) foster patient safety. Teamwork and collegiality do. They also create more pleasant working conditions.
- Mar 30, '12 by nurseAEMWow! This is a very interesting conversation!Last edit by nurseAEM on Mar 30, '12
- Mar 30, '12 by nurseAEMQuote from amymalaimacVery well put. It takes so little time and effort to be decent to our fellow coworkers. Why then is it rarely ever done. This will forever boggle my mind.I have been reading AN since nursing school five years ago and have learned a lot from new and experienced nurses on this site and in real life. The one thing that never ceases to astound me though is that new nurses are often told to "grow thicker skin" or basically just suck it up and shutup or get out of the game. Everyone was "the new guy" at some point and while I have learned not to take things personally when others have personality deficits, I still often wonder why so many people think that it is okay when others find it too much trouble to return a greeting to a coworker especially when it is someone in a position of authority. New nurses or even experienced nurses who are stepping into a new area are generally nervous and scared. I would be worried about a nurse who wasn't nervous in unfamiliar territory. After all, the scariest nurses are the ones who have nothing left to learn. We are a community and even though the attitude that you "don't go to work to make friends" runs rampant, I will always be grateful for the people who take the 2 seconds to say "hi" in the mornings (or evenings) because I have been in situations where that was all it took to let me know I could breath and if I can provide that reassurance for someone else so simply then I will be more than happy to earn a little karma.
- Mar 30, '12 by MassEDQuote from woohso what defines bullying? Consistent rudeness in the workplace, directed to a specific person?? When is it acceptable to just deal with it, or when to address it to avoid this from becoming a bigger problem? Don't tolerate it, no one should have to. Hower one defines it, don't tolerate abuse.No, it's not bullying. It's being rude.Last edit by MassED on Mar 30, '12 : Reason: elaboration
- Apr 3, '12 by Cr8zyamyHmm, I think I may have developed my PICOT question after reading this thread. My two cents on this subject is this. Your preceptor needs more training. I know that it is hard, but keep your head up, you will never be more than an associate of your preceptor. When it comes to the "gossiping" if you can hear it then tell them to stop. They have the right to their opinions but you should not have to hear it unless it specificly relates to your job performance and if that is the case you should be spoken to directly not talked about behind your back. Good luck to you.
- Apr 10, '12 by kcmylornI'm sorry to say that this kind of maladaptive behavior has gone on in nursing for the past 30 yrs as I know of it and currently still does, it doesn't matter if your a new nurse or a very experienceed nurse- I am currently still getting it. I'm getting it from some pip who has less than 10 yrs experience and I have the misforutune to have her as my nurse supervisor. I can ask her the same question 2 days in a row and will get 2 different answers. I did test this out-
Her issue is she is inexperienced and she knows it. And it all come home for her when she gets around a more experienced nurse. So once you pass to the very experienced side of things- the game switches to the lesser experienced bullying the more experienced. It's all done to bring someone down and make them feel good. In their eyes- it's all about them. It's not about team, it's not about work to get done, it's about the little girl with the prettiest dress at the party. Bring her in some birthday cake with a candle and a barbie dress and tell her how pretty she is. Sorry - this behavior enrages me.