Confrontation with bullies at work place; need advice with next step - Page 6

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  1. Guide
    Mar 12, '12 by
    once again this is called "lateral abuse" therefore, the only way to deal with this is by keeping a daily report with time & date and the names of those present during the bullying. having said that, you'll have proof when your manager or don asked "when did this happened?" moreover, regarding you leaving i say no,no no no, that's exactly what the perpetrator wants, to demonstrate to others that she/he is in control. consequently, you'll find these types of bullying wherever you may go. in addition, my advise to you is don't let anyone intimidate you, just make sure your work is completely done every time; that leaves them without any ammunition. wishing you the best always ...aloha~
    anotherone, hey_suz, GHGoonette, and 2 others like this.
  2. Mar 12, '12 by
    I too am a new nurse (9 months) and have the "meanie Nurses" on my shift. My advise is to do the best you can with the situation and apply for jobs elsewhere. I'm not going to be talked about, ignored, and given a heavier work load and be happy with it. I'm moving on as soon as I can get on somewhere else. Until then, I keep quiet, I don't work extra days, and stay away from the nurses station the best I can. Management knows about the bullying issues and does nothing to correct it (they are happy to have warm bodies). The loss is theirs, the money spent to put me through school (yes, this hospital paid my tuition), orienting me, and putting me on payroll was not cheap! But I am not staying at a company that has employees that are down right mean to their co-workers. MOVE ON!!!
    lululucy, Tinabeanrn, and MassED like this.
  3. Guide
    Mar 12, '12 by
    Sounds like you got a raw deal with your preceptor. Hope they relocate her, not you. Hold your head high and don't let this witch get you down. Not all nurses are like her. Do your job and go home, don't worry about being accepted or friends w/ your coworkers. You need to be able to work with them, but you don't have to like them. Hope your manager/educator takes care of this too. Demand a new preceptor. Good luck. We've all been there. It gets better.
    lululucy likes this.
  4. Guide
    Mar 12, '12 by
    no, you are wrong. The OP does not need to, and should not take it. Period.
    Tinabeanrn likes this.
  5. Guide
    Mar 12, '12 by
    Quote from loriangel14
    You need to grow a thick skin.If you are going to analyze things such as saying hi and bye you are going to be very unhappy.You can't take everything personally.Gossip? get used to it.There is always some.Just do your job and ignore the rest.Nurse managers are not teachers on the play ground and you can't run to them whining that the other kids aren't playing nice.
    meant to quote you - see my above post.
  6. Guide
    Mar 12, '12 by
    Quote from fiveofpeep
    Oh yeah, it's never bullying unless it's the ignorant new nurses or students trying to steal the jobs of the ever-so-wise experienced nurses who are always justified in their episodes of hostility because it is so difficult for them to deal with these idiot new nurses.
    LMAO.
    sapphire18 likes this.
  7. Guide
    Mar 12, '12 by
    Quote from Michigangirl
    I am not sure if you are being bullied or are just being treated rudely. I'm sorry that your first experience as a nurse is not as supportive as you imagined. New nurses have enough problems to overcome just learning how to be a nurse without all the additional stress.

    I had similar problems as you, with one particular nurse. However, she was fairly rude to everyone, but when I hired in with 5 other new grads, she zeroed in on me as the "weak link", I guess, and made me miserable. Everyone else saw it, too - guess I was just the lucky one.

    I'm not sure I have any advice for you, except you really do need that thicker skin. In my case, I just tried to ignore her rudeness and I never confronted her. Over time, she got better with me, but I was always on edge around her. After two years, I transferred. With much more confidence and experience behind me, I would never tolerate that kind of behavior from anyone.

    Hopefully things will get better for you. Keep your head up, ask lots of questions, and try your best. Hopefully you can find someone on your unit to give you the support that you need!

    and is not being consistently rude also bullying in the workplace, especially when it was a preceptor??
  8. Mar 12, '12 by
    Quote from MassED
    and is not being consistently rude also bullying in the workplace, especially when it was a preceptor??
    No, it's not bullying. It's being rude.
    anotherone, rn/writer, not.done.yet, and 1 other like this.
  9. Guide
    Mar 13, '12 by
    Here is where I struggle with the whole "bullying" term.

    Someone who is "being bullied" is a victim.

    Someone who is a victim is then by definition helpless to something that has happened or is happening to them.

    I do not believe the OP, or most nurses being "bullied", are actually helpless. I also do not believe that everyone gets bullied and that it is just part of nursing culture.

    I do believe there are a lot of people out there with poor self esteem, with fear of confrontation, with timidity or other inability, fear of or lack of desire to stand up for themselves etc. I believe those are issues that can be worked out and changed. And I believe if one is able to do that, then one need not be "victimized" by mean/rude/unkind people anymore. Nobody can control another person, but everyone can control themselves. One can't value oneself so poorly as to refuse to stand up for oneself or refuse to face the demon of confrontation but then cry out because nobody else will fight that battle for them. By and large we are all broken in some way. Ever see the movie Crash? Everyone is a demon and an angel in their own right.

    It is not excusing the rude people to accept that one cannot influence how they act or force certain behaviors. It is not rolling over and accepting a culture of incivility either. Quite the opposite. If everyone would respectfully demand professional courtesy (and this can be done in a variety of ways, not just head butting), then professional courtesy becomes the norm. And if one finds oneself in a place where that is just not possible, then one finds a way to survive until one can move on. Continuing to "take it" is not an option. But expecting someone else to "fix it" isn't either.
    Last edit by not.done.yet on Mar 13, '12
    wooh and rn/writer like this.
  10. Mar 13, '12 by
    LuLuLucy,
    I have been a Nurse for over 20 years and I can assure you that the person who bullied you will have a history of the same behavior with other people. She is mean spirited and lacks confidence. Why do you think she is putting you down? It's (sadly) her way of making her feel better.
    Keep doing a good job at work and remember that we are not perfect. If a nurse has never admitted to a mistake, she is not being honest.
    People are afraid of someone who bullies others and are probably afraid to speak up. I takes time,
    but it does catch up with them. Managers do believe you when they see a repeated behavior, so it's good that they know what happened to you. You don't have to be overly nice to her. Just be respectful and professional. But tell her if she is being rude and unprofessional with you. Sometimes that is all it takes, because she really doesn't have much confidence if she is putting you down!
    jadelpn and lululucy like this.