Can't We All Just Get Along? - page 2

by MusicalCoffee

4,872 Views | 20 Comments

I'll start out by saying I'm a pretty open-minded person, but there are many things I do not and will not ever understand. There's a small part of me that thinks I might have been born in the wrong place and time because I just... Read More


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    Quote from BrandonLPN
    Being able to speak your mind more freely is one of the virtues of online message boards. Nobody should be rude.... but people should be prepared for their views/opinions to be challenged when they post here. Otherwise, what's the point?
    Therein lies the problem. Too many people, upon having their views challenged, resort to name calling and anger. If I want to read my own thoughts, I'll keep a diary. The fun in message boards like AN is to be exposed to different points of view.
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    If , I,or anyone else feels the need to put someone down what I am really saying is "I see you as stronger than me so if I deface you then for 1 moment I feel stronger than you "

    A co-worker spoke ill of me and my job performance so I addressed her directly saying "I really had no idea until now that you see me as that powerful. I guess I'm stronger than I even knew ". I laughed and without malice said "Thank you for that it means a lot coming from you "

    I think the same is true of opinions,the more confident you become the more room there is for others. If I truly believe in something then their is not only no fear of another's opinion in fact you welcome it.

    I have said when asked who I am " Some say I am bright or some say an idiot " Take your pick. Both are true and I am comfortable with either.

    If you really are at a point of active learning a good question to ask is "What part of what that person said do I feel is true". If you are getting a strong response it's an indicator that you believe some part of it or you would not be reactive. Like if someone calls you fat but you are clearly thin then you will dismiss it because it is not your truth. The fact that a hot nerve is being hit is actually an opportunity that a part of you is now ready to heal. .In this we are called to release an ill truth we have held on to. I have the choice in that moment to release old views I had of myself that this person is now bringing out in me .
    In this way the person delivering the message is in fact an instrument of your healing if your ready to go there. When defenses are removed there is but one message love or a search for it. Usually that lesson is self forgiveness. Like I forgive myself for believing I was incompetent. That was something that used to serve me and I got to be the victim. Now the truth is I do do a good job so I am releasing an old way of thinking that doesn't serve me anymore.
    On my best days I see this on the other days I choose to be reactive where my need to feel right prevents me from seeing the gift at hand. It just means I'm not ready to go there. Every moment is created as an opportunity to heal . No worries if I miss it the lesson will come again. Ironically an enemy is actually are greatest teacher of love, if we see the purpose not the action. These are just my views feel free to reject them if they don't resonate as truth.
    Last edit by echoRNC711 on Nov 9, '12
    anjelina and MusicalCoffee like this.
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    Quote from echoRNC711
    On my best days I see this on the other days I choose to be reactive where my need to feel right prevents me from seeing the gift at hand. It just means I'm not ready to go there. Every moment is created as an opportunity to heal . No worries if I miss it the lesson will come again. Ironically an enemy is actually are greatest teacher of love, if we see the purpose not the action. These are just my views feel free to reject them if they don't resonate as truth.

    I think you make an excellent point. We have the ability to learn more from those who oppose us than those who agree and think like us, but, as you said, sometimes we just aren't as receptive to the lesson.
    echoRNC711 likes this.
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    Very well said! We need to encourage each other not put people down. This is a safe place for us nurses to come to discuss issues and concerns that we might not feel comfortable talking about with other people.
    MusicalCoffee likes this.
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    Now Thumper!

    What did your father tell just tell you? . . .
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    "(deep breath) If ya can't say nuthin nice.......don't say nuthin at all" -Thumper

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    There is no secret to being able to get along. Use intelligent and logical arguments, be willing to compromise, and agree that I'm right.
    anjelina and MusicalCoffee like this.
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    I think sometimes arguments in online forums are fueled by lack of facial expression and tone of voice and a lack of context for the person you are talking to. People seem more readily offended because a sentence can be read and interpreted many ways when not accompanied by facial expression, Etc. Online forums also cause us to come into contact with people we wouldn't otherwise speak to. It is true that especially in politics, I can read posts and just think to myself, "there are idiots out there that think this stuff?" But the great joy is that I have learned through the years that hearts and minds are changed with a short patient post, even if I occasionally lose it and go off.
    Last edit by VICEDRN on Nov 10, '12 : Reason: Typo
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    Another problem is that the perennially-aggrieved can't discern the difference between someone who posts a different opinion on an issue and someone who attacks them. Any disagreement is seen as a personal attack, insult, or slight. Not so, but it's become so easy to say, "That hurts my feelings!" or "That offends me!" and call down immediate negative consequences on the "offending" party by other people who ought to know better that dissenting views are stifled and the quality of discourse has dropped precipitously.
    nursel56 likes this.
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    Quote from GrnTea
    Another problem is that the perennially-aggrieved can't discern the difference between someone who posts a different opinion on an issue and someone who attacks them. Any disagreement is seen as a personal attack, insult, or slight. Not so, but it's become so easy to say, "That hurts my feelings!" or "That offends me!" and call down immediate negative consequences on the "offending" party by other people who ought to know better that dissenting views are stifled and the quality of discourse has dropped precipitously.
    This is true! And I have been guilty as an offender who let my typers go one time- I was so disgusted with myself that I couldn't take it back, that I highly respected the person I fell below my own standards of character with, and I learned something important from it:

    1. I will never say anything on Allnurses.com that I couldn't say in front of my co-workers.
    2. I steer clear of topics I know have the potential of becoming angry with, or sensitive topics that are highly polarized.
    3. I respect the opposing view as being "right" for them. What authority do I have to press my beliefs, morals, and values onto another? None.
    4. Not participating in wolf packing, already heated debates that are polarizing or totally polarized.
    5. Reading the TOS frequently for changes/compliance.
    6. Valuing my friendships on Allnurses.com "just-as-important" and valuable as the friends I have in non-cyber life.
    7. Realizing that as much as I may Love my point-of-view, it is just that, and may not only be different tomorrow-it could be wrong.
    8. Making sure what I write is face value(non-ambiguous) and that it couldn't be misconceived as disrespectful, provoking, or an attempt to derail current OP's topic.
    9. Making sure there's nothing that would offend a normal, prudent, or member of the opposite side of opinions.
    10. That it's something I won't read next week, and regret submitting.

    These are my main guidelines- along with the most overlooked phrase in the English Language, "I'm Sorry", and "I Apologize." I do everything I can not to reach this point, but when my stupid side shows, I have to dust them off, and taste them no matter how bitter they taste, my opinion is NOT worth an Allnurses fellow member being insulted, angry with me, or feeling their view wasn't validated. I have met some of my most treasured friends on Allnurses.com-and I haven't seen a topic yet worth losing even one friend over-or damaging my rep, while I suffer acute attacks of the "Stupids!"
    MusicalCoffee likes this.


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