Bullying--The Other "B" Word - page 3

by rn/writer 12,896 Views | 56 Comments Guide

Not long ago if another nurse rolled her eyes when you gave report, cut you off while you were asking a question, or ignored you when said you needed help wasting a narcotic, she would have been called the b word that rhymes... Read More


  1. 0
    Document, document, document. I have a whole notebook of information on specific episodes which holds incriminating evidence of hostile nurses and managers, including sexual harassment. I also included names of witnesses to the bullying. Your memory may fade or the bullying episodes become foggy or blend together, or are indeterminable... and if u need to recall events for disciplinary reasons, it will be helpful to review your notes.
  2. 0
    Quote from anotherone
    How is bullying different in kids, can a peer be a bully? is the definition different? are the kids who are "bullied" now the adults who will be "bullied" as adults ?
    Being bullied as a child may well predispose a person to being bullied as an adult. But it can also have the reverse effect of causing that child to decide that no one is ever going to push her around again and becoming a bully herself. Many bullies were traumatized by someone earlier in life and they chose the path of mounting an offensive defense.

    With kids, the wrongness of bullying is exactly the same. The targeting, the relentlessness, the gut-wrenching reaction of the victim and the bully's intimidation of peers, etc. also parallel adult experience. But because of the variations in their developmental stages and processing abilities and the tendency of teachers and other leaders to dismiss complaints as normal playground squabbling, bullying in kids is harder to identify and stop.

    I am so glad that schools are finally taking this seriously and teachers are being taught how to spot the subtle signs of bullying. Many schools are bringing the topic out in the open and putting practices in place that make bullying socially unacceptable and harder to pull off.

    But I don't want to get into the topic of kid bullying any further because it's so complex and requires specialized instruction to deal with effectively.

    Thanks for your questions.
    Last edit by rn/writer on Oct 7, '11
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    I don't know. it sound like you're saying "witchiness" is okay. In my experience, people who pride themselves on being blunt and to-the-point take extreme offense when other people do the same to them.
    *LadyJane* and Mulan like this.
  4. 7
    Quote from duckyluck111
    I don't think that holding people to a higher standard of civility is necessarily a bad thing. Instead of telling the sensitive people to "get a thicker skin", I'd tell the rude people that they need to work on their character.
    A million times yes!!!!!! I have heard this saying many times- People treat you how you let them. This puts the blame on the person who is not the aggressor. This saying implies it is OK to treat another poorly because they may be timid or quiet. What kind of ass-backward thinking is that?
    FranEMTnurse, trixie333, *LadyJane*, and 4 others like this.
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    Witchy, bully, rude, hateful, catty....whatever...it is all unacceptable and I should not have to spend my time trying to figure out which one you are projecting. It is completely unnecessary even in the most tense situations. I have NEVER felt the need to be any of these things to my co-workers....even in the worst of situations. I should not have to learn how to deal with it, learn to protect myself, develop a thicker skin, study the dictionary to determine my most appropriate response or analyze your childhood in an effort to determine your motivations. YOU should learn how to act like a human being who has chosen a difficult and stressful career that requires many women working together as a team in order to deliver the best care possible to the patient.

    I work with a great group of nurses that respect and help each other no matter what the circumstances. However, I have encountered the witch/bully/catty/hateful person in the past. She ran off many a new nurse and is still there tending the revolving door with the manager scratching her head wondering why she can't keep nurses.
    Hotfornursing, multi10, LaneyB, and 9 others like this.
  6. 0
    Quote from rn/writer
    The bolded part above is an excellent example of assertive behavior. You stand your ground, focus on the behavior, set some limits, and walk away knowing that you took care of yourself without attacking the other person. And then you let it go.

    Bravo!
    It's an excellent result for the individual who just got attacked.....but I was thinking maybe he/she should go for the Jugular vein. Make the bully an example by crucifying him/her. If the victim is black hair, blue eyes...when the victim retaliates the bully wouldn't even go after another profile that even vaguely resembles him/her....

    Nip it in the bud not only for yourself but for the next possible prey.
  7. 1
    Never put up with bullying.
    Ruthfarmer likes this.
  8. 1
    When I read this article it made me think of that line from Rounders "Listen, here's the thing. If you can't spot the sucker in the first half hour at the table, then you ARE the sucker."
    anotherone likes this.
  9. 0
    What about your personal life? Several years ago my boss approached a group of nurses who worked in the same unit but not the same days or shifts. A new employee had complained that the group were friends socialized outside of work and, although she wanted to be included in this, she was not. This made her feel excluded and bullied. This group did not work together on the same shift so there was no possibility of them excluding her in the workplace. Why is what people choose to do in their private lives anyone's business?
  10. 0
    Quote from Runnin' RN
    What about your personal life? Several years ago my boss approached a group of nurses who worked in the same unit but not the same days or shifts. A new employee had complained that the group were friends socialized outside of work and, although she wanted to be included in this, she was not. This made her feel excluded and bullied. This group did not work together on the same shift so there was no possibility of them excluding her in the workplace. Why is what people choose to do in their private lives anyone's business?
    This does not have any of the elements of bullying unless the other nurses made it a point to rub her nose in the fact that she was not invited to the social gatherings and tried to make her feel bad about it.

    I was thinking maybe he/she should go for the Jugular vein. Make the bully an example by crucifying him/her. If the victim is black hair, blue eyes...when the victim retaliates the bully wouldn't even go after another profile that even vaguely resembles him/her.
    So, you're recommending counter-bullying?

    I should not have to learn how to deal with it, learn to protect myself, develop a thicker skin, study the dictionary to determine my most appropriate response or analyze your childhood in an effort to determine your motivations.
    I will be posting an article that is specifically about bullying. The point of this article is that there is a difference between someone who is prickly and someone who is poison. Telling the difference is important because the remedies are different. This is a basic life skill. I'm happy for you if you don't need it on the job, but it might come in handy somewhere else.

    This puts the blame on the person who is not the aggressor. This saying implies it is OK to treat another poorly because they may be timid or quiet. What kind of ass-backward thinking is that?
    No one's blaming the non-aggressive person. But the reality is that we do teach people how to treat us. If someone is timid, they can decide not to take things personally and do a real-life version of placing the other person on, "ignore," by keeping interaction to a minimum.

    It's important for all of us--even the timid and shy--to learn to act assertively, if for no other reason than that we might have to advocate for our patients. It is NOT okay for someone to be grouchy or snarly to a co-worker, but it does happen. It's still important to distinguish between a witch and a bully because the way to handle each of them is very different.
    I don't know. it sound like you're saying "witchiness" is okay. In my experience, people who pride themselves on being blunt and to-the-point take extreme offense when other people do the same to them.
    It's not okay. But witchiness is like having a cold and bullying is like having H1N1. The cold still needs to be addressed (decongestant, pain relief, possibly an antibiotic), but it's not likely to require hospitalization and being put on a vent.

    I'm not for one minute saying it's okay to snap at co-workers and act rudely toward them. We have so many outside pressures and assaults on us every day without engaging in witchy wars. We need to be decent and kind to each other. But, when someone steps outside the lines, we also need to know if we're dealing with something annoying or something dangerous.

    In the next article, I plan to further clarify the difference between a crabby co-worker and one who engages in workplace bullying. Again, it's important to make the distinction because the solutions are different.

    Thank you for all the contributions to this thread.


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