Bully?! Help,I need good comebacks! - page 4

by rn865

5,918 Views | 37 Comments

I just started working PRN at an urgent care. Im an RN and there is usually only one nurse on duty (me) , a rad tech, lab, doc and front desk. We are usually busy..Lately, I noticed one of the rad techs keep telling me to put... Read More


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    Thank you for everyone's advice. I can't wait to work with her again and see if she still does it. If she asks me one more time, like, "Can you put her in a gown?", I plan to just say, "Would you?" How does that sound? One poster is right, I'm not one who really makes smart and quick remarks, so I want to do just a plain, direct one.

    Thanks for that advice about googling assertiveness. I'm going to try that too.
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    Quote from rn865
    Thank you for everyone's advice. I can't wait to work with her again and see if she still does it. If she asks me one more time, like, "Can you put her in a gown?", I plan to just say, "Would you?" How does that sound? One poster is right, I'm not one who really makes smart and quick remarks, so I want to do just a plain, direct one. Thanks for that advice about googling assertiveness. I'm going to try that too.
    And if she says no? I'd just say no the next time she asks and go about your business if you aren't going to have a conversation with her before it comes up.
    canoehead likes this.
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    Before refusing to do the task how about speaking with her first? This will make the transaction seem a little more professional, and a lot more clear in understanding. Simply saying "would you?" opens up the doors for inner workplace conflict. Lets face it, the two of you must work together and learn to get along. You want to be firm & direct, but also maintain your professionalism. It's not so much of what you say, but how you say it.
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    Just tell her you are swamped now, and can't get to it. This is a team situation, and she is part of the team. In an urgent care all she has to do is hand the gown to the patient, honestly, it's not a big imposition.

    Any other snide remarks, just pause, say "Wow, that was rude," and move on. If she huffs, explain that you found it hurtful and request that she stop saying those things.
    catlover314 likes this.
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    THIS: Suicide of Ryan Halligan - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
    is bullying. You're working with someone that is annoying and rude.
    nursel56, KelRN215, Meriwhen, and 1 other like this.
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    Never ask a yes or no question if you aren't prepared to deal with getting the answer you don't want.
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    Quote from rn865
    Thank you for everyone's advice. I can't wait to work with her again and see if she still does it. If she asks me one more time, like, "Can you put her in a gown?", I plan to just say, "Would you?" How does that sound? One poster is right, I'm not one who really makes smart and quick remarks, so I want to do just a plain, direct one.

    Thanks for that advice about googling assertiveness. I'm going to try that too.
    To be painfully honest, this response sounds kind of childish, like you are tossing it back in her face and throwing down a challenge. This isn't about coming out on top in a power struggle. Or rather, it shouldn't be. As long as the question remains, "Who is tougher?" nothing is going to change.

    The only way to win is not to play.

    This is what I suggested earlier in the thread:

    . . . learn how to say what you want in a firm but non-emotional manner. "You know, Jane, I've helped you out with that in the past, but it's really your job to gown the patients." And just walk away. If she fusses, come back with another dose of reality. "It's part of your job, Jane."
    I wouldn't make a big deal out of being swamped. That implies that you'd do it if you weren't so busy. The truth is that you don't mind helping out once in awhile when everyone is busy, but you would be helping Jane with her job, not agreeing to be dumped on.

    Don't waste your time trying to convince her to stop acting this way. Don't try to justify why it's her job to gown the patients. Maybe once during the conversation you can point out the obvious, that the patients don't need to be parading around unnecessarily in patient gowns in front of other people, but that really isn't the important part of the issue.

    The crux of the matter is that Jane needs to do her job.

    So, when Jane asks you yet again, "Can you put her in a gown?" your answer should be, "That's part of your job, Jane," and walk away.

    One more thing. You've made this into something bigger than it needs to be. The behavior you've described isn't bullying so much as it's establishing a pecking order. This will happen no matter where you work and whom you work with. It's part of nature. We size each other up, even if we aren't aware that we're doing it. You've indicated to Jane that you have wishy-washy boundaries, and she is acting accordingly.

    It's time for you to step up in your own spirit, not to be mean or snippy or to put Jane in her place, but to establish your own internal boundaries, turn your focus back to the patients, and do your job. In this case, that means the patients need to wait until they are back in X-ray to gown. And that task belongs to Jane.

    You can't change Jane. You can only change your own thinking and decision making. Acknowledging this will give you strength (without making you mean-spirited).

    I hope you can learn this life lesson and put it to good use.
    Sugarcoma, catlover314, not.done.yet, and 1 other like this.
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    Agree that this is establishing a pecking order, not bullying. Agree with rn/writer "I wouldn't make a big deal out of being swamped. That implies that you'd do it if you weren't so busy. The truth is that you don't mind helping out once in awhile when everyone is busy, but you would be helping Jane with her job, not agreeing to be dumped on.

    Don't waste your time trying to convince her to stop acting this way. Don't try to justify why it's her job to gown the patients. Maybe once during the conversation you can point out the obvious, that the patients don't need to be parading around unnecessarily in patient gowns in front of other people, but that really isn't the important part of the issue.

    The crux of the matter is that Jane needs to do her job.

    So, when Jane asks you yet again, "Can you put her in a gown?" your answer should be, "That's part of your job, Jane," and walk away."

    The other stuff? Agree with canoehead "Any other snide remarks, just pause, say "Wow, that was rude," and move on. If she huffs, explain that you found it hurtful and request that she stop saying those things." I've used something along that line before "That sounded rude...did you mean to insult me just then?" but the tone has to be factual, not angry or defensive.

    Just as the tech has to be held accountable for her actions, you have to account for yours. If you don't let her know that you expect her to do her job, you will continue to allow her behavior.
    interceptinglight likes this.


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