Hey guys I recently finished my preceptor shifts (13) in the NICU. I asked for one more because I still didn't feel confident. Although I still don't feel fully confident I am now on my own. Last week was my first shift by myself it was a night shift and I felt like I failed at that... I went in 30 mins early and took report and tried to get everything sorted but still I managed to be behind. I didn't start my babies feeds on time during first handle. My one baby would not stop crying, I had a father who said he didn't want his baby fed in 30 mins nd that it better be a doctors or because he doesn't want nurses deciding what they think is best... then another dad who wanted to bath and weight his baby but needed help. Supposedly it's all easy stuff and 3 babies is nothing.. plus they were all gavage feeds. I was just running everywhere, like shoot this baby is crying again this father will really be on my case if feed is started even off by a minute. The dad needs guidance and help bathing his baby. I start to become task oriented and forget why I do this which is because I love babies. I see everyone doing so well so much organization, they're all done charting while I'm frantically trying to calm my baby and start feeds 20 mins after. I feel sick to my stomach going in again cause I'm so anxious. Even giving TOA I'm a fumbling idiot. I am everywhere. Plus I'm pretty shy so I feels my face just turning into a tomato then I'm more anxious and I swear I go into panic. I don't know everything and it honestly scares me so much on my breaks. After work I cry so much becaus I'm not fast enough and I feel like I'm going to mess up any minute which scares me.