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Perspectives on pregnancy when the control-freak nurse becomes the patientby Elvish Guide May 12, '11I am an OB nurse; I do mother/baby, newborn nursery, and high-risk antepartum nursing. I'm used to being the one in control. I'm used to doing the teaching, reading the monitor strips, and reassuring the fears of many an anxious mama (pregnant or delivered). That's where I'm 'in the zone'. Give me a 35-weeker feeder/grower, give me an antepartum mama in preterm labor, give me someone who needs that kind of help, and I am good to go. What I am not used to, however, is when the tables are turned and it's me in the hot seat!
'Roundabout late September, that all changed. Just under a month after miscarrying, in the aftermath of a rollover MVA (thankfully no serious injuries), I found out I was pregnant again. Having a pregnancy so quickly on the heels of a loss, it was a bit nerve-wracking and considering the seriousness of the wreck, I sat around for a few weeks and essentially waited to miscarry. It was still a bit surreal, even after seeing cardiac activity at the 6-week ultrasound done to confirm that this was a new pregnancy and not a surviving twin or retained products from the miscarriage.
Since then, this pregnancy has (at least for me) been one bit of drama after another. I lost about 20 pounds in the first 20 weeks because of a near-complete aversion to food. At 12 weeks the doctor couldn't find a heartbeat with the doppler, so we did yet another ultrasound that revealed a baby too busy to be still for the doc to listen to her. I've done two O'Sullivans, resulting in two 3-hour glucose tolerance tests. While both were technically normal, I've still been checking my blood sugars and tweaking my diet a little given my family's propensity to grow macrosomic babies (no one was very impressed with my 8lb 1oz critter last time around ). Blood pressures have been up and down the entire pregnancy and I've been obsessed with whether I'm spilling protein or not. At the anatomy ultrasound, they diagnosed her as complete breech; she has since flipped and her head and bum are right where they need to be. Even as late as the last doctor appointment, however, it took my doctor (he is usually the go-to guy for hard-to-find fetal heart tones) forever to find her because she just can't be still in there! (As my 6yo would say: "She's a busy little girl! I bet she's making lots of parties in there.")
Right now I'm at 37+ weeks and all systems are go; just waiting to go into labor. Other than wanting the usual discomforts of late pregnancy to be over, I'm in no real rush. Given this one's clear propensity to do things her own way, however, I'm not sure what to expect. It will be completely like her to either a) send me into labor at work and have me haul backside to get home in time (I work 50mi from home); or b) go to 41+ weeks and eventually need to be induced one way or another because she's just. not. coming. out. (Heck, a flipped truck at 75mph didn't do it...) Neither scenario would surprise me. For someone like me, who likes to know what the scoop is, this is hard!
When I had my first, I wasn't an OB nurse and didn't have the knowledge I have now. This time around, I've had the entire pregnancy to worry about my blood sugar, blood pressure, fetal presentation, and just about everything else OB nurses see on a daily basis that can throw a wrench in things. The biggest concern now is labor. I know what bad things can happen in labor and delivery; I also know the odds are very good on my side that those bad things won't happen. The control-freak nurse in me is trying really hard to relinquish that control and trust the process. I'm always telling other women that their bodies know what to do, and finding it much harder to tell myself the very same thing! I've got a great primary OB, great labor support lined up, and it should be easier this time around. Physically, it probably will be. Mentally, it might be a challenge.
I know myself and know that once she's born and I feel semi-human again, I will want to analyze her labor and birth from the OB-nurse perspective. For now, though, all the prayers, lit candles, and good thoughts anyone wants to send this way will be most appreciated.
PS - For those of you who are superstitious about these things: My birth plan is about five sentences long.Last edit by Elvish on May 12, '11
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- May 12, '11 by Turd FergusonEcclesiastes 1:18- "With much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief."
Congratulations! As a nurse I'm sure you know of all the things that can go wrong. Try to think of all the things that can go right and enjoy this special time you have! It sounds like you can be a great resource to future worry-wort mothers to be
- May 12, '11 by ElvishTurd, (may I call you Turd? It sounds so wrong. )
That verse from Ecclesiastes is spot on. Another millenium's way of saying it stinks to know too much.
You are right, and I have tried to think about what all can go right and the fact that the odds are on my side that it will. One book that has helped tremendously is Grantly Dick-Read's Childbirth Without Fear. It was written many years ago, but so much of his theory still rings true today. Thanks for the good wishes!Last edit by Elvish on May 12, '11
- May 13, '11 by merleeElvish - You have survived all the hard times so well, I can only wish for you to have an easy labor.
As you know, as you have told others, you need to trust that your body will do what it is supposed to do.
Know for certain that you are loved by many people, and that we are all sending best wishes and prayers for you.
Take care of yourself at least as much as you care for others. And get a pedicure very soon - you can't reach your feet by now, and won't want to for a few weeks after the baby comes!!!!
- May 16, '11 by irishmama721Definitely sending you prayers and positive thoughts!! And congrats!
- May 18, '11 by stimaRNYou are definitely in my thoughts and prayers. Enjoy your blessings-
- May 18, '11 by FranemtnurseElvish,
God will be with you all the way hon, I know. Keep looking up and think only positive things to happen for you and your baby girl from now until she is born. She and you will be just fine then. I am praying for that outcome for both of you.
- May 18, '11 by raptures_2000well I personally can relate, I thought of everything that could go wrong, I am an OB nurse too, I think it was better when I didnt know anything, it was so much easier,,,Happy birthing, my blessings that it will happen uneventful and as serenely as possible,,take care...
- May 18, '11 by RetiredTooSoonQuote from Turd FergusonAmen. I wound up in hospital for 8 days last year with necrotizing fasciitis and 10 more days with complications from surgery to repair the cause of said nec fasc. I knew what was wrong as soon as I saw my leg turning black and I knew what could happen as a result, all the way from simple surgery to repair all the way to my death. I had to keep thinking that things were going to go very, very smoothly or I would have gone nuts.As a nurse I'm sure you know of all the things that can go wrong. Try to think of all the things that can go right...
On the bright side, I got a lot of students. I guess the RNs figured that me being a nurse (even a retired one) would be good for the students and keep them on their toes. I think I had one day in 18 where there wasn't a student assigned to me.
- May 19, '11 by SamAcctCongrats on your pregnancy and will definitely send some prayers and thoughts your way!