by wrensmommy

Updated Sep 14, 2009 at 05:54 AM by traumaRUs

what makes a good nicu parent? what makes your job easier/harder? what are some good experiences with families that you've had? any information or thoughts on this matter are greatly appreciated.

i am writing a blog post on this issue and am interested in some diversity (not just the nurses that we've worked with in our nicu.) i hope that this post will better help parents who read it to cope with their situation and understand the perspective of the nursing staff caring for their baby.
thanks for any input....

Re: what makes a good nicu parent?

1. Take care of yourself, take your pain meds, get plenty of sleep, make sure you heal too. I don't know much about nursing adults, so if your blood pressure bottoms out, or your incision starts to dehiss, I can't help you and it is taking away from my job of taking care of your baby to try and help you get what you need.

2. Take a breather from the NICU once in awhile. You still have your outside life and possibly your other children. Your other kids need you too. This is an emotional time for them and when mommy and daddy are at the hospital with the baby all the time it can make them more anxious. You need a break once in awhile to keep your sanity, don't feel guilty if you need a break.

3. Realize that your worth as a parent isn't tied up in how much time you spend at your baby's bedside. I hear moms tell me all the time that they feel bad because they aren't at their baby's bedside all the time. Please don't feel bad about that, you have got to take care of yourself and your family too.

4. If you have a problem with a particular nurse and the care she is giving your child, go to the charge nurse, not another nurse.

5. Ask as many questions as you need to to understand, ask the same question as many times as you need to understand the answer. In the beginning, it is overwhelming, and you have all this information coming at you all at once. We expect you to have lots of questions and we don't get offended if you ask the same question. We are here for you. If I tell you I'm not sure and I'll find out, it's not that I am a bad nurse, I just want to be sure that I give you the correct information for your particular situation.

6. As hard as it is, try not to eavesdrop on other patients. Many NICUs are open units and you can overhear a lot. If you do hear something, please keep it to yourself, you wouldn't want someone repeating something they had overheard about you or your baby, especially if they don't have the entire story.

7. If you are fortunate to be able to spend a lot of time with your baby, don't judge the parents who can't be there a lot. Small children get really anxious in NICUs, the monitors, the pumps, it is very ovewhelming. Some units don't allow siblings to visit so the parents may be home with the siblings. Some moms go back to work while the baby is in the NICU so that they can use their FMLA time when the baby comes home. Just know that people love their babies and are doing what works best for their family.

8. If you notice something 'off' about you child, let the nurse or doctor know. I trust mother's intuition.

9. If your unit offers a support group, try it out, I have had a lot of moms tell me how wonderful it was.

10. Realize that everyone does things a little different and that if people are doing things different, it isn't necessarily wrong.

11. When your baby goes home, bring them back once in awhile. I love my babies and I love to see them when they get big. We love when parents send us Christmas cards with current photos.

12. This is hard to say, but limit visitors. Your baby doesn't know who all is there. The more visitors, the more germs, the more disruption. When you do have visitors, enforce the fact that they have to stay at your child's bedside. They aren't allowed to walk around the unit looking at other babies and asking questions about them.

I'm sure there is more, but I'm trying to hit the practical stuff.

Re: what makes a good nicu parent?

1. Keep a journal. It doesn't have to be fancy; just grab a notebook in the giftshop. You will be bombarded with information.

2. I will do my best to answer your questions at 7pm but chances are the MD or NNP here is not your baby's primary. They will read the chart but the best time for nonemergency questions is during the day.

3. When I say call or come anytime, I really mean it! I have had parents tell me they woke up at 3am worrying but didn't want to call. Don't do that! We're up all night.


4. Acknowledge that you are going through a traumatic ordeal. Even if in the end you get to take home a healthy baby you may have PTSD. Allow yourself to grieve that "perfect delivery" you didn't get. Don't be ashamed to seek counselling.

5. If you are physically able to pump then do it! This is something only you can do for your baby. You must pump frequently! Just as if you have a hungry infant wanting to eat every 3 hours. I have had mothers tell me they pump twice a day then express shock that as the baby grows they can't pump enough.

6. Don't feel like you are in the way. You are not a "visitor". Your presence is important to your baby in ways we are just beginning to fully understand.

Re: what makes a good nicu parent?

Treat us with respect. Respecting the parent is top priority for me and I always show it, but perhaps it is the anxiety, but you have to learn to trust us.

This is an intensive care unit. Please respect that as well.

Stay off your laptop and cell phone while holding your baby or sitting by the isolette. We don't mind you sitting, but to an extent it looks like you are actually working at the bedside and trying your best to eavsdrop. Lower your voice, other parents are in the room. Their baby might not be doing as well as yours, show them respect as well.

Re: what makes a good nicu parent?

To Wrensmommy.....
This is a great thread....thanks for posting! I've been working on a information sheet for our parents and these suggestions would be helpful to include, with your permission. Also I would love a link to your blog when it's up and running!

OK....so I would add :

While we encourage you to form supportive relationships with the other families, don't get caught up in comparing progress. Your baby is an individual and may have an easier or harder experience than your friend's baby.

Try not to compare your experiences with specific nurses with the other families. Every nurse is different -- with different personalities, good days and bad days and different responses to stress. Give each family a chance to form their own opinions, based on their own experiences.

There are lots of "right ways" to do things. (as previously mentioned) Some nurses may chat with you about everything, others may simply answer your questions. One nurse may seem quite serious and detailed, and another carefree and relaxed.....all may be giving excellent nursing care.

Let us know if you are having a particularly difficult day. We are usually happy to listen to your concerns, even if you just cry...we appreciate sharing that with you. It can be comforting to just explain your feelings, and is often reassuring to know your feelings are "normal".

Remember and understand that your baby is our first priority....even over your feelings. If we have to tell you "no holding for now" or please be less noisy, we are definitely not trying to hurt your feelings but are only acting in the best interest of your baby.

Re: what makes a good nicu parent?

thank you all for your input. i'll be doing this post sometime this week.
i'm also looking for nurses to do contributing posts... if any of you are interested or have a topic in mind that you think parents ought to know....just let me know. i'm looking for diversity, and hoping to build my blog into a nice resource for parents. (though it's not there yet.

spacey- no problem!

Re: what makes a good nicu parent?

Originally Posted by WeeBabyRN

12. This is hard to say, but limit visitors. Your baby doesn't know who all is there. The more visitors, the more germs, the more disruption. When you do have visitors, enforce the fact that they have to stay at your child's bedside. They aren't allowed to walk around the unit looking at other babies and asking questions about them.

All good suggestions, but the above is pure gold.

Especially the last part, looky-loos are particularly annoying to me. I (and all my co-workers) vigorously enforce this rule...I tend to be more polite than some of my peers, but no less firm, and one day I'm going to crack and say "this isn't a god**mn pet shop!"

Re: what makes a good nicu parent?

Excellent choice of topics as well as perfect responces.

Another thing I'd like to add/elaborate on, is if you honestly don't understand something ask questions. This is part of my job & its what I do. Your not in the way, but please realize that I'm 1 nurse taking care of multiple babies & I'm doing my best to attend to all my parents. Please have patience with me.

I'd like parents to know that the medical field is black/white type of world. This field has MANY shades of gray. I'm sorry we don't know everything & your baby cannot be 100% perfect ALL the time. We are searching for answers to certain things/diseases/reasons why things are happening to your baby, etc just as you are, getting angry & yelling at staff (nurses, doctors, ARNP's, or others) or refusing for us to treat your baby as issues arise, isn't going to further help your situation or ours.

I know its very frustrating not only for you as a parent, but for me as a medical provider. If you have questions ask them, if I can't answer them I will find somebody that I think can help answer them or can lead us to somebody that can.

Re: what makes a good nicu parent?

I would completely echo many of the sentiments already given. These are my personal requests....

I don't mind people who telecommute at the bedside....work on their NICU diary in a digital format....or upload baby's current round of pictures to their blog (as long as they wash their hands!!!). Most of the time I prefer it over people who sit and watch the monitor all day. It allows them to be present in as much care as possible, without letting some of the natural panic/boredom take over.

I also LOVE IT when parents write down terms they don't understand and keep a handy list of questions. Sometimes we forget that parents don't speak our language.

Please remember what time your baby's feedings/cares are (assuming you've made it to a regular schedule...YAY!)...and give me a little time to get everything done before you call. If I absolutely cannot get to the phone, please be understanding. The same goes if you come for the 2100 feeding at 2000, and I have 2 other babies before yours. I can't imagine a parent wanting me to rush through their own baby's feeding/assessment/bathing because someone else is waiting....so please don't expect me to rush through someone else's cares.

And yes....KEEP PUMPING!!! The 3cc minimal feeds your baby gets today will be 100+ cc's before you know it.

Skip the gossiping about other nurses, or trying to ask questions about other babies. It's hard in our tight-knit community, but it will serve you well in the long run.

If there's something you don't understand or you didn't like, just ask the nurse who did it. Sometimes you don't catch everything someone does, or you see something that doesn't make sense. Instead of guessing the worst thing....ask. I don't mind. You are your baby's very best advocate!

I think last....and most importantly....the answer to almost all of the "When will my baby...." is....when he or she is ready. I can tell you what things we're waiting to see...and what readiness cues I'm looking for, but as for when it actually happens....no one knows but your baby. They're clever that way.