They have won. I cried for the first time.

I came here tonight because I need support and I don't know where else to turn. All of my usually support is dealing with outher major life crisises and or do not understand.

I am a new grad rn, nursing was my second degree and I truly want to be a great nurse. I started work on a SICU which has a new grad program to train us and appently test the hell out of us. We have several weekly online exams and a midterm and final.

We have at least 16 hours worth of class time a week, some of which is online modules - in order to do them right you need to spend more then the recommended alloted time. Then we work two 12s on the floor. I was thrilled to get hired at my hospital and into my program. But now I feel like it is eating my soul. I have nothing left.

I had two family health emergencies in the last three weeks and have continued to work and study and put in my best effort. Well this week I failed my midterm (which I get one more chance to pass or I get booted from the program). I worked an overnight last night, meet with my nurse educator this morning who told me about how dissapointed she was in me and how I should deciede if I can continue on the floor, came home took an online weekly exam and failed that also, then I slept for 3 hours, got up re-took the weekly exam only to have a computer glich which caused me to get a 28% - I spent hours on this and somehow only half of my answers were submitted.

I usually am a good tester. I rock on the floor and am really feeling like I'm starting to get it. But beacuse of my poor test preformance I may not get to stay.

Don't get me wrong I take full responsibilty for my failures and own them but God I only am one person. I just don't know how much more I can handle. I worked my butt off in school, studied hard for the NCLEX and now this.

My husband thinks my hospital and program are too hard and that I should quit. But that means giving up! But if this hell is really nursing made I should quit.

I know this is rambled I just don't know where else to go.

no need to reply, I just needed to vent.