need advise Hospice in Michigan

[minette]

Hello, I need some advise please. My father is on hospice, and after a few problems with obtaining meds & supplies, things are finally going well. I have one major problem. The supervisor in the office over my dad's case manager has constantly gone out of her way to cause me stress, even to the point of calling me after I specifically requested she not call that day because I was sick & up set . She has made rude and condsending comments to me and now my case manager told me she has no clue what to do, she feels like she is in the middle. The aide has been called in the office and is feeling the pressure as well. This all started because several months ago when she started this I went over her head to resolve an issue. She did not follow thru, I waited 4 months before doing so.

Since that, she has been on the case manager, and aides. I feel so bad for the regular RN who is the case manager , she is so up set, but her hands are tied. The aide is getting up set too, because this is all affecting everyone. I was actually told by someone that she was mentioning in the office that she was planning on a surprise visit & I better let her in because she has every right to show up.

I have never seen anything like this. She took my dad off a med after a question I had, waited until the medical director was out of town, and asked a stand in doctor, and admitted she did not explain the entire situation. This took 3 weeks. The medical director returned & the case manager called him ,( I had asked to speak to him before he went out of town)and I explained the circumstances & my concerns He continued the medication, and added an additional dose of another med. This was a day after she had called me & was rude and condesending. She told me I could get an rx for the med but would be paying for it by meself! Now because the physician has kept my father on the med,& it is covered, she is on a mission. She pulled the aide in the office the next day & gave her specifics, as don't do anything for me or my mother, just the patient. I have no problem with the guidlines, but it is so clear to everyone what she is doing. This is a shame.

My dad is endstage Alzheimers & 2 person assist, he cannot hardley swallow, he can't walk. I have a bad back, my mother has survived Breast CA, a brain tumor, has diabetic neuropathy, and cataracts. She has told the nurse she will be stopping by here.

I really don't want her here, she is not at all professional or plesant, and my blood pressure has been thru the ceeling.

My real question is why is it that I politely requested she not call, or stop by because of the obvious conflict, and clearly expressed how upsetting this is, that I have absolutely no say in the matter.

I have no problem with anyone else, and requested an alternate person oversee my fathers case. But the Case Manager said her hands are tied, she was basically told to back off & asked if she would like to be taken off the case. She said no, but she expressed to me she feels bad for my dad and doesn't want us up set. My mom is so upset. She is actually scared this woman will intentionally neglect my fathers needs to be in control.

I have had such a good experience with the help from the aides, the Nurses and after a rockey start things were all going well, considering the reason for their services is my fathers end of life.

I really don't want to cause a major problem, but I truley feel she needs to be evaluated by someone. Do I really have to allow her in my home? She has never been here and my dad has been on hospice 7 months. I really don't want to make waves, but I am considering seeking legal advise. Her harassemant has really made this more painfull and difficult than need be.

Please advise if there are any avenues I may take to avoid any further frusteration. I asked for informaton on my fathers rights I was told I had to follow hospice guidlines & she was incharge.

I have had several nurses out here over the months. I see the compassion and warmth in so many of them. Running from one side of town to the other, dealing with multitudes of conditions and personalities. I have chosen to quit my job, and have been caring for my father for 3 years. I have come this far, and have prepared my self so many times then all of a sudden he will seem more alert & swallow better & even talk. This alone is so emotional, I really don't need to be dealing with control freak

who has nothing but her own victory in mind. How pathetic .

Any info or direction would be greatly appreciated. I need to get this taken care of immediately because it is really taking the toll on our family.

Thank you.

[Pearlgirl]

Dear Minette:

First of all I want to say I am so very sorry to hear of your Father's condition. I know it must be even more difficult when he seems to get better at times then decline. Really this is all about him so I am just sorry to hear there has been so much friction put upon you and your Mom. Being a caregiver is not only hard work, but can bring about such an emotional toll even without these unnecessary problems.

I have a story of our own regarding our Dad when he was in his last weeks of Cancer, so I'll suffice it to say that I truly understand how it feels to be in this delicate situation. Grieving is made more difficult when there are extra obsticles in the way of dealing with the loss (or process of losing) a loved one.

Best suggestion I have is to check with another chapter of Hospice and see if you can switch and just start on a clean slate. I don't think I would go into any detail (with them) but try to focus on all those angels who touched your Dad's life with their special love of Hospice patients.

Best wishes and God Bless you,

J.

[ilovetheelderly]

Ditto from post #2: Get another hospice provider as soon as you can and know that you don't have to allow this woman in your home, families have rights too. I had an uncle who had this Alzheimers disease and you are so special to care at this time for your Dad, he must be one TERRIFIC DAD!! I pray I can do the same for my parents if I have to one day too, Lord help us and give us the strength. With all of my hugs to you, a fellow nurse.

[minette]

Thank you so much for your replies. I had thought about changing, but my dad gets extremely upset with change, and he loves his nurse & aides. The problem is the nurses supervisor.

The nurse herself is a doll.

I am trying to let it cool off. Today my dad spiked 104.6 temp and severe shaking. I called a nurse came out 3 hrs later. He had no urine outout for 5 hours.

I gave him tylenol, and washed him with lavender & peperment

oil & water. He was not responding and then woke up & tol my mom he was goin bye bye & told me Merry Christmas.

He told his aide" I wish You were Mine & kissed her. Bp was 154/125, then bropped to 60/38.

I was thinking this may be it, and praying for him to stop shaking & be peacefull.

He woke up, his temp dropped & he has been talking & ate a bit, he has urine out put.

He was alert when the nurse came, fever was 102.

Now I bought baby motrin & if he spikes again & I can't get it down I'm gonna alternate so he doesn't get so shakey.

I do feel blessed to have him. Believe it or non, we never got along when I was a teen. He's a real special dad !!!

God has been with all of us, he has had this over 10 years and did well until 3 yrs ago. My mother in law gox a dx and died within 3 years.

Thanks for your kind words.

[aimeee, BSN, RN]

I'm so sorry to hear that you are having extra conflicts in this difficult time. If you feel that this supervisor has gone out of her way to be rude and condescending to you and has hassled you in retaliation for going over her head, then it is time to report that behavior to her superiors again!