by ramonmalino

Let me start off by saying that I'm searching for advice.

Hx: I'm in my last semester of school from a 4 year program. I'm taking critical care, nursing management and community health. For my community health clinical I asked for, and got, Hospice care. This is a rotation I've wanted for a while and am very excited each week to go.

My problem is this: I'm a compassionate guy, and I really feel for the pts. and their families. There have been numerous times when I've been with my preceptor and a family member has begun to cry. Ive watched the nurse jump in and hug, or gently rub the arm of the grieving and all I really have felt comfortable doing is handing over a box of tissues.

Let me reassure you that this has nothing to do with lack of compassion, I have had no problems in the past with assisting in the grieving process within my own family or even with my friends and their families. My problem is that I'm deathly afraid that as a male nurse my attempt at therapeutic touch will be misconstrued as anything but appropriate. Ive had experiences on previouse clinicals where Ive been scrutinized for touching my pts. simply because I'm male.

Does anyone else have similar experiences and/or advice? I'm dying over here (no pun intended) because I WANT to help my pts. and their families but don't know the best way.

Thanks.

Re: Hospice

Start out with the sideways hug..if the opportunity arises...and talk to other hospice nurses..I bet they are a wealth of of informaation...
I am one of those people who are not huggy oriented most of the time.
Last year, one of my sisters had hospice....the nurses quickly (without any problem) realised who in my family hugs and who doesn't) I got the quick barely touch ones..which suited me fine...the only one I had a problem with was the grief counselor who took a while to get the message..and seemed oblivious to my quick stepping back mid hug...the nurses were great all teh way around...and I think most of their understanding of what to do or not do came from experience..and sharing experiences with other hospice nurses..
Good Luck to you..

Re: Hospice

If you are not comfortable with it, don't do it. I don't initiate hugs, but I don't refuse them. Usually the family members will ask if they can have a hug and I know that it will be appropriate. There are many ways in which you can validate the family's grieve and show your compassion. Incidentally, the hospice nurses I admire the most are not the ones to jump right in and hug and rub, but rather use therapeutic communication.