Why Do We Tolerate This? - page 3

You know, sometimes things have a hidden context. Sometimes, that context can be kind of ugly. When I see that, it causes me to wonder why we allow these things to continue. Hence, this thread. ... Read More

  1. by   Antikigirl
    Heck, I live with and work around so many paramedics, mostly males...and gee, why is the whole male/female thing any different than in nursing when it comes to this! They get flack for this all the time, and I simply say...why?!?!?! We are all professionals...and to be frankly honest...how many 'lovely' things do we see vs people or 'things' that aren't at their best...come on! I simply don't think 'that' way....I am not in there to 'get a date' or 'get turned on'..I am there to work and help!

    We all go clinical! We have a job to do and we do it...that plain and simple! I don't 'see' a 'private part' as much as I see something that must be treated or helped...and I see it attached to a human being! Even in cases where the person (male or female) can be considered attractive...heck doesn't matter, I don't see that part..not at all (and have been shocked when other nurses come up to me an say "lucky you..they are gorgeous" and I am like "oh...they are...I didn't notice because I was treating a PATIENT". (honestly..same with when paramedics come in...they may be quite pleasing on the eye, and I will be the totally last to notice because one, I am in clinical mode, two...not interested in this stuff at work...I reserve that for my off time, and NOT with co-workers or patients..ewwww, that is just to "work" for me..I separate work and home big time!!!!!! And gee...I love my hubby and he is all I look at that way! That is reserved for him alone! OKay okay I am still so smitten with him ).

    The probelm stems actually from insecurities of others, and something we all have to deal with in one way or another...and something we all must take on in our own individual style and mannor. I have had patients hit on me, and gently put them back in line...had co-workers..both male and female hit on me...same situation. I simply keep it "work"...oh and sometimes the phrase "well when I see one of those I think of how I get to put a tube in it" helps..LOL! Kinda hits the point of my mindset right there...I see things medically not sexually!!!!!
  2. by   PatricksRNMommy
    Well, to start, I just want to say that I am NOT a male, but I have many male friends who are nurses and they are by far just as capable, caring, and professional as the female nurses I know (and in some cases more so). They don't go crazy at the sight of a woman's private parts, just as I don't go crazy when I am taking care of a man. I read the posts that you mentioned and I was actually kind of embarassed for these women who posted, because it seemed as though they just didn't get it. Men do not go into nursing becuase they want to see naked women (nursing a sick person is not sexy, by the way) or because they weren't "smart eough" to be a doctor. MOST men go into nursing because they are caring people who want to help people (whether they are men or women).... Male nurses do not get the respect that they deserve.
  3. by   Tweety
    Who ever said females don't have it rough.

    Interesting how many females are answering a question addressed to the men.

    Looks like Marie was right after all. Having a separate board for the male nurses have served to only divide, instead of offering a place for relating.
    Last edit by Tweety on Mar 7, '05
  4. by   mattsmom81
    I've been working with guys in critical care for many years and a lot of good natured teasing goes on on both sides...as long as its not around patients, as long as everyone knows its kidding around and nobody takes offense...all is good.

    One cannot wave a magic wand and say 'no sexuality'...men and women are sexual beings like it or not. The real issue is that of good manners and where to draw the line.

    I've watched female nurses become totally innappropriate around their male coworkers and I agree...it isn't objected to as quickly by the guys OR the gals.

    Not all guys, however, enjoy being a sex object and we need to keep this in mind.

    A male acquaintance of mine was subjected to a group of nurses who openly breastfed in the common breakroom, with constant talk about their breasts, showing of engorgement, leaking, etc. It bothered him, he was honest and shared it, and he was let go citing sexual harassment' reasons. He was compelled to file a suit to protect his own career and I hope he is successful....these women should have been more sensitive to HIM IMHO. Was it so difficult for them to tone things down/be a bit more discreet if he asked? But no...they had to go after him. Very sad IMHO.

    On the other hand I've also worked with male nurses who joke innappropriately and take offense if a female asks them to cool it. I voiced my concern about his joking to a coworker after a femoral sheath'd patient was told to 'push with his third leg' as we boosted him up in the bed, and the next day the gossip was that I was a constipated bytch with no sense of humor..

    So IMO we have to talk about these things honestly and stop the pizzy stuff.
  5. by   Nurse Ratched
    Kevin - I understand your frustration, particularly at the thread that wondered how in the world you wolves controlled your hormones .

    I responded initially that thread very briefly - it seemed to me a no-brainer. I'm sorry that the OP in that instance didn't take the word of the professionals (male nurses responding) that our work is *not* a sexual thing, plain and simple. I closed it when it became evident that no amount of assurances would suffice, and our male nurses were being put on the defensive for no good reason.

    As regards the hairy chest thread, it was started by a male as I recall lol; I nonetheless steered away from it, figuring it to be a bit of fun.

    I do believe my female-ness to a certain extent makes me blind in some instances as to what may be offensive to males. I appreciate anytime another perspective is offered .
  6. by   11:11
    I certainly didnt apologize for anything.

    Regarding the first post I suggested the OP is a pervert and probably sexually attracted to her own offspring.

    Regarding the second post I commented something to the effect if people cant accept that most men have chest hair the can kiss my...well you get it.

    What about women with chest hair, or mustaches. Should they shave these?

    Personally I thought these posts to be not worth taking seriously-

    11
  7. by   madwife2002
    Quote from 3rdShiftGuy
    Who ever said females don't have it rough.

    Interesting how many females are answering a question addressed to the men.

    Looks like Marie was right after all. Having a separate board for the male nurses have served to only divide, instead of offering a place for relating.
    I couldn't agree more, it does seem that way. Here in UK I really dont know if male nurses have hard time or not it has just never crossed my mind, i havent heard them complain of sexual harressment. I have seen female cliets come on to them just like male clients can come on to the female nurses. So I would be interested to hear from any UK male nurses who have a hard time?

    We had a male student midwife and he used to get very angry if we asked the woman in labour 'would it be ok if the male student midwife delivered your baby' he said if it one of the female students then you wouldnt say 'female student midwife'.
    I did feel the women had a right to know if the midwife was male or female, but hey maybe I was wrong?
  8. by   Audreyfay
    Quote from 3rdShiftGuy
    I had a female nurse grab my buns one night and say what a nice a## I have. I tolerated it then because I was a mousey newbie nurse, but if a male did that to her he would be sent to jail for sexual assault and harrassment.

    I would have AT LEAST told the nurse, male or female, "did you know that is sexual harassment?" I recall a situation decades ago when a seasoned nurse and I were working with a new GN, who was male. We were kidding him about something. He said three short words that shut me up in a hurry, "That's sexual harassment." I NEVER kidded after that. Thankfully his words were a warning to stop and not a complaint! Whether the "victim" is male or female, the words need to be used. We all know the consequences of sexual harassment and know we don't want to go there. Sometimes, all in the name of fun, a person gets carried away. I appreciated the words of warning and learned from them.

    Guys, I am sorry for the frustrations you go through. I only have words of respect for 99.999% of you out there. Thank you for being willing to add so much to the nursing profession.
  9. by   SmilingBluEyes
    Quote from Audreyfay
    I would have AT LEAST told the nurse, male or female, "did you know that is sexual harassment?" I recall a situation decades ago when a seasoned nurse and I were working with a new GN, who was male. We were kidding him about something. He said three short words that shut me up in a hurry, "That's sexual harassment." I NEVER kidded after that. Thankfully his words were a warning to stop and not a complaint! Whether the "victim" is male or female, the words need to be used. We all know the consequences of sexual harassment and know we don't want to go there. Sometimes, all in the name of fun, a person gets carried away. I appreciated the words of warning and learned from them.

    Guys, I am sorry for the frustrations you go through. I only have words of respect for 99.999% of you out there. Thank you for being willing to add so much to the nursing profession.
    right on. our male colleagues deserve the same respect we demand for ourselves.
  10. by   UM Review RN
    Originally Posted by 3rdShiftGuy
    I had a female nurse grab my buns one night and say what a nice a## I have. I tolerated it then because I was a mousey newbie nurse, but if a male did that to her he would be sent to jail for sexual assault and harrassment.

    Exactly what I was trying to get across earlier. I witnessed a similar incident and it was shocking and upsetting even for me, the witness. I protested to the perpetrator and offered to be a witness for the victim, but I know he didn't report it.

    Culturally, I think there's just too much stigma against guys who do report. That is shameful.

    Tweety, I'm so sorry that happened to you.

    We--ESPECIALLY because we're nurses--need to be better than that.
    Last edit by UM Review RN on Mar 7, '05
  11. by   fergus51
    Quote from 3rdShiftGuy
    Good points Fergus and I receive them well.

    I remember a thread out panty lines. What if a male nurse (not me because you'd never believe me) in that thread said "I think females should wear white pants, very tight, and black thongs because I think that's kind of sexy", or even "I find panty lines sexy". Do you not think there might not have been someone who took offense to that? How many threads have there been about nurses who object to the sexpot image of nurses in the media? That females feel this way, yet can stereotype men as being testosterone run wild, and sexy in their scrubs is a slight double standard when someone ojbects and isn't taken seriously with those objections.

    And no, absolutely not am I suggesting that the threads be more moderated than they are. I'm totally against that, and have made my objections known from time to time when they close down a thread.
    I am sure someone would be offended because someone always is. I don't think you would be crucified though. Seriously, did you not see the thread about women's pubic hair grooming? That's a lot more sexually charged than chest hair and it went on forever with people discussing their preferences. Plus, the people posting offensive things about men were taken to task over it. I thought every poster that replied said something to the effect of "No, men are not testosterone driven psychos turned on by their patients". It seems like the only complaint about those responses was that they didn't have an angry enough tone to them.
  12. by   fergus51
    Quote from 3rdShiftGuy
    Who ever said females don't have it rough.

    Interesting how many females are answering a question addressed to the men.

    Looks like Marie was right after all. Having a separate board for the male nurses have served to only divide, instead of offering a place for relating.
    I don't mean to intrude on your forum, but I felt I had to defend the posters who did tell those nutty people that men in nursing are not sexually charged maniacs. A lot of us did.
  13. by   Tweety
    Fergus, no need to apologize. Those who have responded to this thread are one's I admire very much, including you, and always appreciate the input.

    What I was trying to point out was that several of you gave the message "well, this is what females have had to put up with it, we put up with it, and so should you, why are you even complaining". Rather than saying something like "you know we put up with it too, there are many threads and it's wrong, we know how you feel".

    Some of us males are sensitive to what females have to go through. Some of us choose not to participate in the "nursing won't get anywhere because it's dominated by catty backbiting females" threads. Some of us can relate to what you go through. Some of us are going to express and call you on it sometimes, and would appreciate some thoughtful consideration to what we're saying.

    Woot!
    Last edit by Tweety on Mar 7, '05

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