First off I want to say that this post is going to be mostly personal so read on if you choose. This is also my first post here, although I have been reading these boards for 5+ years.
Anyway, I recently graduated with from an accelerated second degree BSN program, April 2012. I precepted in an inner city SICU for 3 months, and was hired as a GN, then became licensed and am now practicing as an RN. Currently, I have 6 months of experience on this unit.
Here is my problem #1,
I am working midnights and I cannot stand midnight shift. This shift is absolutely awful. Now don't get me wrong, I don't hate my job by any means, but the shift is killing me. I feel unhealthy, I haven't had a good "sleep" in 3 months, and I am constantly tired. I've tried every schedule change imaginable: wake up late, wake up early, sleep in the day, sleep at night, you get the idea. It just comes down to the fact that I have ALWAYS been a morning person, and never have been able to do nights, at any job, at any time. My original intention was to stick it out and get the unmatched experience I am obtaining at my current job, being an SICU and all, and eventually apply to anesthesia school (my dream for the last 5 years). I have family in anesthesia both a CRNA, and MDA, along with other physicians, so I had a sparked interest early in nursing school. And I don't mean I woke up one day and decided to try to be a CRNA, my life has been designed around the eventual return to school. My car, house, finances, expenditures, etc., I have shadowed CRNA's multiple times over the last 3 years (even when I was in undergrad). These factors all have been carefully calculated to aide me in my goal.
I find myself increasingly demotivated about going back to school, simply because I do not feel well most of the time. In fact, it seems as though my dream of CRNA school is slipping away. I blame it mostly on the night shift because I can parallel this phenomenon with other aspects in my life: I find myself caring less and less about things I used to be very excited about. It is strange, and I have never felt this way before. I thought I would enjoy nursing, and when I was training on days (aside from being stressed), I didn't have this feeling. I was eager to learn, and did not feel run down all the time.
My point is, should I stick this midnight shift out to get the experience ultimately sacrificing my happiness and health?
It is a 2+ year wait for a day shift here.