JW2011 769 Views
Joined Oct 11, '12.
Posts: 18 (6% Liked)
Sorry, Esme! I thought I was just stating facts, I wasn't trying to ask legal advise, just wondered what others thought of the human circumstance in cars/drivers vs. vunerable users. I appreciate all the answers that have been given, as I think it has helped me to be more "rounded" in my thinking of how people, particularly in the medical field, might react to the scenario that was/is my life experience.
We are doing all we can in contacting people in the positions to help address the laws that need revising as well as addressing the speed limit on our rural road. It's not easy taking on DOT, as they seem very set in their ways.
Tonight there was another child hit while riding a bike in a nearby town. Don't know the circumstances yet, but it sounded bad. Some of the posts on the blog about it were unreal, people already assuming it just had to be the fault of the biker, and others wanting to know what kind of a parent would allow their child to ride a bike, as it reportedly was near dusk. Not one person asked what the driver was doing/notdoing. Don't people and drivers know that a biker, pedestrian, etc., in most states are considered "vunerable users" of a roadway, and whether or not people agree that they should be there, they do have rights!
Do you know that through my research after my son's death, I have found that 90% of the time, if a driver remains on scene they are NOT charged. What kind of a message does that send? As long as you don't run away when you have had or have caused an accident involving a "vunerable user", you won't be charged with anything??
We'll never know, and that is what really hurts. In my grief group there are parents with children that lived long enough on life support that their parents and friends at least got to touch them and say goodbye; and some were able to donate organs. I thought about the lost opportunity not only to try to save my son, and a chance to say goodbye, but also a lost opportunity for him to donate his organs. He would for sure have wanted to have done that. My husband and I are both organ donors.
All RNs have knowledge of basic life support, cpr, and first aid. Simple pressure to a wound would have stopped or at least slowed the blood flow, no excuse for this at all. I understand shock might be a factor but if you caused the accident, and your an RN and you have no reason to feel guilty (liquor / drugs) then you have to respond to the scene in some fashion. I hope this young man did not die simply from lack of basic first aid, that just compounds the RNs behavior
Thank you! I am so glad you wrote in. FINALLY, someone who completely gets it. My son was also hit from behind, and we believe her phone distracted her and she crossed the center and hit him as he was traveling in the other lane, against traffic. So much good evidence that should have been acted on and wasn't.
God bless you, lost my 13 year old brother the same way, almost identical, 10 speed vs ford f150, man was drinking at the time, but cops said he was not impaired. Hit my brother from behind, not perpendicularly. At the time, 1979 it was legal to drink and drive in texas, it was called the "open container law", can you believe. This person never apologized to my family either, my parents were crushed and never really recovered. I had to move from San
Antonio due to my incessant desire to find this man and met out some vigilante justice, over the years i often wonder if this has caused this man any pain or remorse. Im glad I took the high road, but I like you fight daily to understand the lack of compassion on the part of this man, no he was not an RN , but his callousness to this day is disconcerting.
That question will never be answered, as they did not test her.
if drugs and alcohol were in her car, but not in her systems, she could have been charged with illegal possession but they would not be a factor for the DA when sorting out the possibility of more serious charges......?
my advice is find a support group and seek professional counseling...
peace and blessings to you
I did face her, she came to my home, and I welcomed her, even held her hand as I asked for the truth.. what I learned that day was that she didn't apply brakes until after she had hit him, that was the first I knew that, as the police had made it sound like she had attempted to stop and couldn't stop in time, big difference... anyway, she told me she had a miscarriage as a result of the crash, and a week later I found out that was nothing but a LIE, one that she repeated to the investigating officer. Later she corrected the information to them, but they didn't see that as a reason to not be able to trust her words, and basically based their investigation on her interpretation of what happened, as there were no other witnesses.
She showed no remorse, just kept repeating she didn't see him, and when I asked what she did for him, she spoke of having trouble finding her phone, and said there was nothing to do, that she knew he was gone. She didn't mention freaking out or not being able to tell EMS where she was. It was months later that we learned there was alcohol and drugs in the car. Lack of laws, poorly organized investigation, let her off scott free.
I have often said, and continue to feel that I wish this had been an elderly person with failing eyesight, that would honestly just say they didn't see him in time, and they were SORRY! Instead I have someone that got her vehicle fixed and continues to ride by our home, knowing how much it upsets us. That is only a drop in the bucket of things she has done since, very cold and deliberate. Her friends, and my acquaintances, have said that she has made it all about her, never talking about the effect it has had on our family.
I don't think she would go on Dr. Phil's show, she has WAY too many skeletons in her closet.
Why not write her a letter. Even if you don't send it. It might help you to get it all out of your soul and on paper. I am not defending her behavio..... but one thing that nursing has taught me is that you never know what someones personal burdens are that cause one behavior over the next. The the truth is always stranger than fiction......and the only predicable thing about humans is that humans are unpredictable.
You just don't know. I don't know what your sons injuries were but there are injuries that just cannot be survived. I am not so sure even if she took a pulse there would be any change in the outcome for your son. There is no way on a dark road vitals can be taken. Even if she had.....that doesn't change the injuries that were fatal. Maybe she doesn't know how to pray.
You deserve an apology....you really do. From the bottom of my heart I wish I could make her face you. This may sound crazy.......call Dr. Phil. Write him a letter. See if he can her you get the closure that you need. See if he can arrange a meeting with her so you can let her "know your anguish" so you can move on........he has done it before. But at least write him .....he maybe able to help.
Again, you have my heartfelt sympathies. Your pain is palpable........I wish you peace.
Well, you know, I think that is why I am having such a hard time with what she didn't do, as I know there is no way, particularly if I knew I was in anyway responsible that I wouldn't do whatever I could. I am a GNA that has worked with Hospice patients, private duty mostly, and don't claim to know anywhere near what most here do, but my experiences, particulary in seeing death and dying in that field, would have helped me to keep my calm in this situation. I know I could have checked for a pulse or breathing without having to move him. In her job, she has that experience and more on an RN level. Even without that, I know I would have been on my knees in prayer while calling 911, and would have laid hands on him to at least pray.
Do you think that the EMS operator would have asked her to check his vitals if she had been able to calm herself? I didn't think to ask them that.
IMO I couldn't live with myself if I didn't stop. I am not judging others either. This is just me. I took an oath to unselfishly help others and that applies to my personal life as well as professional. OP....I am sorry that she/he didn't do the right thing & I am sorry for what you & your family are going thru at this time.
CountryRat, that's ok, I understand that you didn't know. I have to tell you though, that your post made me cry, as that is more of an apology that I will probably ever get from this woman that hit and killed my son! I am a forgiving person, but it's hard to do when someone doesn't ask to be forgiven...
Thank you. I appreciate your input. I haven't really had the opportunity to find out all the details in depth yet, and it will take legal action to have access to it. I think I will pursue that much as I believe I need to have my questions answered or I will never have closure.
What a world we live in, that the family of a deceased child isn't allowed to see complete reports, recordings, etc., without a court order.
I am horribly sorry for your grief. And nothing I can say will make it better. I just know, having worked EMS, things are rarely what we are dispatched for. So I thought I'd clarify. Please hug yourself tonight. You have much grieving to do. Be kind to yourself. If you need to seek legal action to find peace, do so. Much love, to you and your family.
Thank you for taking the time to explain, and I hope peace is attainable. I will continue to fight for change, as I would not wish this on anyone else, and hopefully can do something to prevent it.
Can you tell me how to change my username?
I know it has only been a year. Take this energy you possess to affect change.
I cannot change what happened to your son. I cannot change what the driver did or didn't do what she was or wasn't doing. The driver will have to live with herself and someday she too will face her maker......therein lies the true judgement and there is nowhere to hide then.
i wish you peace.
Yes, I know how delicate we as humans are. She may have not been able to change the outcome no matter how experienced, but I can't tell you how much it hurts me that she didn't even try. We don't know what thoughts if any go through a victim's heart or mind during those moments, and it would have been a great comfort to me to know someone was with him and cared enough to speak to him and at least let him know help was on the way.
I don't think EMS had a clue of how long it had been since he was hit, as it was a 2nd caller that finally gave the needed info to get them there at all. They got there 10 minutes after that call and still tried to save him. I wonder if they knew he had been there for 16 minutes or more instead of the 10 since they were dispatched, if they would have pronounced him there instead of trying unsuccessfully to restore breathing, heartbeat etc., and then transporting to nearest hospital. where he was pronounced within 10 minutes of arrival.
Sadly with head injuries, even with all the equipment and training in the world, we are all delicate creatures.
Thank you all for your responses. I do know for a fact that he died alone, that she never touched him, and EMS were significantly delayed in their reponse time due to her inability to relay the needed information, and EMS told me how frustrating it was trying to get that information from her. I guess any thought of instruction on assistance was out of the question.
I think what has kept me in this "trying to understand" mode is that I really WANT to understand, and WANT to move on from it, but these facts that I have shared, along with the knowledge that there was likely impairment and inattention, and a person that has never uttered "sorry", and in fact lied to our family and to the police in an effort to gain sympathy, proven lies now, but they go to character and came too late to change what law enforcement did or didn't do, and because she has demonstrated that she learned NOTHING, and has continued to drive in a manner that is endangering people's lives. A violation just months after the crash that killed our son, where she was charged and found guilty of negligent driving. Different state, and different cop...
Loopholes and lack of laws in our state allowed this person to face no legal consequence, and now I am involved in trying to rectify that status, by engaging those in the position to change laws in this effort. I know it won't bring my son back, but hopefully will prevent another family from enduring not only the pain of losing a child, but hopefully hold persons responsible accountable.
This was a pedestrian, that SHE hit. It would be great if there were someone there trained in emergency to take over or handle it, and of course that would be the best case scenario, but it isn't what existed! My question was if YOU were an RN and there was nobody there to render aid, in an accident that YOU caused, would you feel obligated to offer ANY assistance in the face of NONE?
Im sorry to say it but there are many times that it is better to do nothing. As a previous EMT and having been on accident scenes, it is often better people not get involved and allow the properly trained people handle the situation. Many nurses dont know that holding Cspine is important. They feel like they need to get someone out of the car. Causing a person to become para/quadriplegic due to ignorance is not a good idea. Many jump into a situation without regard to scene safety. Many nurses while intentions are good, may not have emergency training. I can tell you from seeing how often out own nursing staff freezes during a code.
I think the driver read this same book you subscribe to.
My simple answer is... if you dont know what you are doing, dont do anything
Duplicate post, sorry!
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