Latest Likes For No Stars In My Eyes

Latest Likes For No Stars In My Eyes

No Stars In My Eyes 23,539 Views

Hi! Thanks for checking out my page. I've been a member of allnurses since Apr 8th, '11. I have no blogs or journals to follow, but you are welcome to find me on the threads I follow, where I love humor and silliness to counter the seriousness of life. Feel free to chime in. Currently work PD/Geriatrics.

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  • Sep 22

    I had a private duty patient ask me, "Who is that standing at the foot of the bed?" She and I were the only ones in her apartment. There was nothing there but a blank wall. I asked her who it looked like, and she described a man with long brown hair and a beard, who "kind of looked like Jesus."
    I checked her pulse and found it thin and thready. Called her family and they all hot-footed it over there. All were present around her bed and I left the room to give them privacy. But the patient called out for me and her daughter came out to get me. When I went in I took her hand and asked her what I could do for her. She said, "I'm ready to go home now. Will you take me home?" I said I would and that I was ready anytime she was ready......she said "OK, thank you."
    And then she took her final breath.
    Personally, although I had a bit of a skin crawl when she first asked me about the person at the foot of the bed, I was glad, because it allowed the family to assemble 'in time'.

  • Sep 22

    I had a psychotic pt. once,( mostly controlled by meds.)....I decided it would be nice to compliment her on her decoupage purse ; she replied, "Why, thank you; it used to be a baby's head." Uhhhh....OK! I don't think I've ever got over that one ! It really WAS the size of a baby's head!

  • Sep 22

    My PDN pt. was eating her lunch and watching TV; I was perusing a catalog.
    She leaned over and tapped me on the knee and said,
    "Do you realize you're reading that magazine backwards?"
    I said, "Do you realize you're eating your soup with a fork?"

  • Sep 22

    So, this is an anecdote I never could send in to Reader's Digest: I'm working in small hospital, and after a football game one of the rooms in my assignment on 3-11 was a four bed room with three injured football players and an 80-something man with dementia, name of ...say, Oscar. I go in to put Oscar back to bed; I pull the curtain around his bed and he whispers to me "I have to pee". I handed his urinal to him and , thinking to give him a little bit of "privacy", I turned away and was pulling down the sheet and blanket, when I feel a warm stream of liquid on my leg. I turned and looked and there's Oscar holding yhe urinal in his left hand no where NEAR his right hand, with which he was holding his penis. I quickly grabbed the urunal and as I was guiding it down toward his still peeing penis, I said....quite audible to those three football players...."Oscar! Oscar! You're 80 years old and you don't know how to use it yet?!? PUT IT IN! PUT IT IN!" It wasn't until those boys started howling with laughter that I realized what I had said. We all laughed until we cried. And for the next two evenings, every time I walked by the door of that room, one or another of those guys would pipe up, "Put it in, put it in!"

  • Sep 22

    I had a psychotic pt. once,( mostly controlled by meds.)....I decided it would be nice to compliment her on her decoupage purse ; she replied, "Why, thank you; it used to be a baby's head." Uhhhh....OK! I don't think I've ever got over that one ! It really WAS the size of a baby's head!

  • Sep 21

    "come-up-ins"

    huh.

    mind-boggling

  • Sep 19

    Quote from Davey Do
    It seems I recently saw a cartoon in one of those old comic strips about flirting...

    lessee...

    Oh yeah- here it is:
    "Just think of flirting as a prophylactic during verbal intercourse!"

    Sir, I think your...ahem...theory is...I'm sorry to have to say this, but I feel impelled to point out that your theory is, yes, full of holes!
    (background music: "...and I guess that's why they call it the blues..."

  • Sep 19

    So, this is an anecdote I never could send in to Reader's Digest: I'm working in small hospital, and after a football game one of the rooms in my assignment on 3-11 was a four bed room with three injured football players and an 80-something man with dementia, name of ...say, Oscar. I go in to put Oscar back to bed; I pull the curtain around his bed and he whispers to me "I have to pee". I handed his urinal to him and , thinking to give him a little bit of "privacy", I turned away and was pulling down the sheet and blanket, when I feel a warm stream of liquid on my leg. I turned and looked and there's Oscar holding yhe urinal in his left hand no where NEAR his right hand, with which he was holding his penis. I quickly grabbed the urunal and as I was guiding it down toward his still peeing penis, I said....quite audible to those three football players...."Oscar! Oscar! You're 80 years old and you don't know how to use it yet?!? PUT IT IN! PUT IT IN!" It wasn't until those boys started howling with laughter that I realized what I had said. We all laughed until we cried. And for the next two evenings, every time I walked by the door of that room, one or another of those guys would pipe up, "Put it in, put it in!"

  • Sep 18

    Quote from Davey Do
    It seems I recently saw a cartoon in one of those old comic strips about flirting...

    lessee...

    Oh yeah- here it is:
    "Just think of flirting as a prophylactic during verbal intercourse!"

    Sir, I think your...ahem...theory is...I'm sorry to have to say this, but I feel impelled to point out that your theory is, yes, full of holes!
    (background music: "...and I guess that's why they call it the blues..."

  • Sep 16

    My PDN pt. was eating her lunch and watching TV; I was perusing a catalog.
    She leaned over and tapped me on the knee and said,
    "Do you realize you're reading that magazine backwards?"
    I said, "Do you realize you're eating your soup with a fork?"

  • Sep 14

    Quote from Farawyn
    *awkwardly hugs you*
    See here, young lady, if you're going to come back here, see to it that you make a thorough nuisance of yourself!

  • Sep 13

    Quote from flutist
    Had one of my nursing home residents say "I don't want to be a layer cake anymore". I couldn't help but laugh.
    That's hysterical! And really, who could blame her? I certainly wouldn't want to be a layer cake for even one minute!

  • Sep 10

    I am still just reeling about the idea of getting on day shift and then asking your manager if you can get off early from that. I do know of some hospitals that once upon a time offered staggered 8 and 12 hour shifts on an ICU/CCU stepdown unit, but that was many years ago.It meant a lot of juggling for the scheduler. With the advent of exclusively 12 hr shifts, would getting off early be even possible? That would require you co-workers to add patients to their assignments for the last 4 hrs of the shift and I don't know anybody who'd be too happy about that.

  • Sep 10

    TSK! It's a nuisance to be docile.

  • Sep 10

    Quote from Farawyn
    *awkwardly hugs you*
    See here, young lady, if you're going to come back here, see to it that you make a thorough nuisance of yourself!


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