New nurse OVERWHELMED

I just read your other post because this sounded so much like my situation. I graduated in August 08, started working in May 09, and left my job 2 and a half months later because the stress was simply not worth it. I, too, cried every night before work, working myself up to a full blown panic attack. I had started in an ICU and couldn't possibly know till I was in the middle of it that it WASN'T FOR ME AT ALL. I think you know that the environment and circumstances were the problem-- NOT YOU. YOU CAN DO THIS. I am in the same boat as you, looking for a job now and not sure who will hire me with only 2.5 months "experience" under my belt. Right now, I can only hope that I get a job, and after that I can only hope that whatever job I get is a better match for me and that I don't give up on nursing altogether. Anyway, my thoughts are with you.

*HUGS*....Believe it or not, you will survive this.

After reading these posts I don't feel so alone. I graduated in May 09 and started working in the ICU about 5 weeks ago. I just started night shift and have about 5 more weeks of orientation left. I don't think there has been a day where I don't feel completly overwhelmed and clueless. The patients I've been taking care of are a mess. I'm not even used to dealing with numerous IV's going and here I am with two patients titrating multiple drips on each and if that's not enough we ended up intubating one of them. The hours that I've spent there have been chaos and my preceptor is constanly saying I'm sorry, I feel like I didn't teach you anthing because things are moving so fast. I recently went to my educator and told her I just don't feel ready and she agreed to switch me to MCU. I'm just feeling totally inadequate and that I made the wrong decision in my career, what if this isn't for me. The other issue for me is watching all these people die, being in the ICU and going to codes with the I-team nurse is leaving me with a heavy heart. I'm not sure if it's because the people are so young or if it's because I recently lost my father-in-law or a combination but it sucks. I too like so many of new grads find myself coming home in tears and dreading my next shift. I'm just putting hope in the comments made by so many of you that it does get easier

I too am overwhelmed and having some similar experiences. You can see from these posts you are not alone. I am trying to "tough it out" but often self-doubt and anxiety make me wonder if I'll make it through this first year. I wrote the following to try to calm my nerves before my shift.I hope it helps:
Prayer of an R.N. (Rookie Nurse)
Lord, I am a Rookie Nurse. As your servant, I begin this shift with the desire to do your work and care for my patients’ needs in body, mind, and spirit.
Be with me today. Inspire my thinking and guide my hands; help me to set priorities and respond to competing demands in ways that will be of maximum benefit to my patients.
Give me humility and openness; allow me to learn from each person I come in contact with. Help me communicate your love and acceptance; let me embrace all of your needy souls with equanimity.
When I am overwhelmed and discouraged, lift me up and refocus my energies onto my patients. Steer me away from the pettiness, personalities, and politics that can distract me from your work.
I pray that more experienced colleagues, doctors and nurses, will remember the early days of their own careers and be generous with their knowledge and gentle with their criticism.
And when my rookie days are (finally) over, help me to maintain the ideals that led me to the noble profession of nursing as I endeavor to do your will.
Take care. Hugs from a fellow rookie. JD

Thanks for sharing that prayer. After the last few days, I really needed it.

I am so saddened by the lack of support for fellow nurses (particularly newly graduated/younger/less experienced) and the disintegrating sense of teamwork in our hospital, particularly in the critical care units. It is so disheartening. I often wish I had chosen to go to work for a teaching hospital because of situations like these. I see the young devoured before their love for the profession can be fully nurtured, and the truly talented die on the vine for want of knowledge, leadership, acknowledgement and career development. It's difficult to watch so many struggle for lack of a mentor, a gentle word, a nudge in the right direction....

I see the experienced - full of the wisdom of the craft, brimming with knowledge, and the hope and future of the nurse of tomorrow, now, seething with resentment, broken in body and spirit, barely hanging on to retirement, trodden down, weary in the fight and thwarted on every side by management, politics, and the almighty insurance company. It seems more and more is expected to be accomplished in less time with less staff for less money.

I supposed the worst of it is that our hands have been tied as to what, when and how we can provide for the patient. They are the ones who suffer, the ones who are short-sheeted by the bureaucracy and politics of the situation. I hate going home knowing we can't get it all done. All these outside forces have taken the best of what we had and spread them so thin, they exist only as a vapor - a shadow of what they used to be able to do, accomplish, provide - for our patients, our peers, our community, and the newcomers to the profession.

When, oh, when did the tail begin to wag the dog?

Just know - experienced ones - your knowledge and wisdom can be perpetuated for generations if you share a hint, a tip, a tidbit --- there are new nurses who need your knowledge, your help, your encouragement. Otherwise, your legacy dies with you, and that is so sad, because you have touched so many in your life.

Newbies, the experienced nurses who you think hold you in disdain are mostly just tired. Help bathe their patients. Do their I/Os. Make a pact - a trade. I'll help you do your___ if you'll share the secrets of your success in nursing - or please show me how to titrate ___. Or how do you get ___ done so quickly. It takes me so long, and you do it so well.

Maybe, just maybe, the gap can be bridged, one barter at a time, one bath at a time, one story at a time....
(I hope so. I am counting on it in my own situation.)