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Too much estrogen! Women! Ahh!



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Apr 17, 2009 02:55 AM

Too much estrogen! Women! Ahh!

Updated Apr 17, 2009 at 02:58 AM by ZanatuBelmont

Well not too long ago I posted on here that I've coped well with a class full of women, that is, until today - eight months into my program!

Here's the deal. Last week we had a health fair which we volunteered at for community service requirements in our program. One girl had her picture taken and she made a "goofy" look on her face. I told her I'm going to have that picture put on during pinning, and she laughed about it.

No big deal, right? Fun and games!

Today I had my pictures from the health fair developed and she found out I showed other people the photo. I put it on the door as a joke. Hey, we're all "family," right? I've never had runins with anyone in my class, and this particular female and I have gotten along quite well in the program. But then she comes up to me, "REALLY? PUTTING IT ON THE DOOR?" I of course apologized to her - three times - saying I NEVER intended to embarrass her. Then, when it was time to "start class," she left. I later found out she was leaving, and as she walked away, was crying.

Really? Crying? WHAT?

She POSED for the photo. LAUGHED when it was taken. GOOFED OFF with everyone else, and let me mention, she wasn't the only one with the "goofy" nursing student pictures, myself and several others had some, too.

Ahh, estrogen.. I understand she was embarrassed, but running off in tears? I am baffled, because her reaction to TAKING the photo and the reaction WITH the photo were completely different. Lexapro, anyone? Ugh... am I just an insensitive jerk or do women just routinely wear their feelings on their sleeves?

Sorry, had to vent.. thanks for listening.


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12 Comments
No. 1
Old Apr 17, 2009, 04:44 AM
Updated Apr 17, 2009 at 04:53 AM by Angie O'Plasty, RN

Default Re: Too much estrogen! Women! Ahh!
Ummm....I think the latter would be correct. You know, the insensitive jerk one?

Friends do not make laughingstocks of friends. She had to tolerate it when the first picture came out. Ok, joke, laugh laugh, over. But putting it on the door did more than ha ha funny picture giggle. It said, "See how dorky and stupid she is?" Not just one moment's worth of silliness, but all the time.

See the difference? You didn't get it before, but you do now. Apologise. Publicly shred the picture. Apologise again. Bow. Scrape. Tell her she's beautiful. Take her out to lunch -- call it free sensitivity training.

And of course, don't ever do that again.
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No. 2
Old Apr 17, 2009, 08:18 AM

Default Re: Too much estrogen! Women! Ahh!
Originally Posted by Angie O'Plasty, RN View Post
See the difference? You didn't get it before, but you do now. Apologise. Publicly shred the picture. Apologise again. Bow. Scrape. Tell her she's beautiful. Take her out to lunch -- call it free sensitivity training.
It was a JOKE. This has nothing to do with gender, rather someone who was apparently just having a bad day and freaked out for no reason. Geez. There is no reason to grovel at someone's feet. I'd just apologize and say I didn't realize you would take it so seriously.
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No. 3
Old Apr 17, 2009, 08:41 AM

Default Re: Too much estrogen! Women! Ahh!
In reading your post, I did not find any malice in your intentions. You apologized to the girl several times and she still decided to leave upset. She made the decision to leave and now those are her feelings to deal with, not yours. As for begging for forgiveness, I would never do it. People need to accept responsibility for their actions. I don’t know how many times I have said this, but don’t do anything that you later may regret or become embarrassed about. She had her picture taken…thought it was funny…and later became upset/embarrassed by it. Besides…this experience will make her skin thicker. What will she do when a patient tells her to get the hell out of his/her room while throwing a tray at her? I would leave it alone. And for the record…yes…women are much more emotional than men, at least the ones in my classes!
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No. 4
from llg
Old Apr 17, 2009, 10:40 AM

Default Re: Too much estrogen! Women! Ahh!
I'd leave it alone. It's not worth digging at it.

If it comes up again, say that you are sorry for misunderstanding her previous reactions -- that her previous laughter etc. led you to believe she was OK with it. If pressed, you might even say that if she had seemed to mind it at the time, you wouldn't have posted it. Some women need to learn to take responsibility for their actions and the signals they send. If you over-cater to her inconsistent behavior now, it just reinforces for her that sending such inconsistent messages is OK -- and it is not OK. She will get eaten alive in the workforce if she doesn't learn to manage her interactions with her colleagues in a consistent manner. If she was bothered by it at first, she should have let you know that politely at the time. (She shouldn't have posed for it, but once she did, she should have asked you to destroy it.)

The sending of inconsistent "signals" is part of the reasons we have communication/relationship problems in general. People hide behind fake words and behaviors and then expect others to know what they "really meant" as if by magic. Healthy, successful professionals don't do that. They say what they mean and mean what they say. Their colleagues can rely on them to communicate honestly and effectively without playing games. She needs to learn that lesson -- but be nice about it as she may have over-reacted because something else in her life was making her upset and sending her over the edge.

P.S. : I am a woman who has read a lot about horizontal violence among women, been the target of bullies, etc. and understands the importance of teaching nursing students how to communicate in polite, but effectively assertive ways.
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No. 5
Old Apr 17, 2009, 11:27 AM

Default Re: Too much estrogen! Women! Ahh!
Originally Posted by ooottafvgvah View Post
It was a JOKE. .
I respectfully disagree. I was taught that jokes like that are not really jokes, and friends who pull jokes like that are not really friends.

If it was me, I'd be really hurt. A real friend would know better than to do something like that.
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No. 6
Old Apr 17, 2009, 02:07 PM

Default Re: Too much estrogen! Women! Ahh!
Originally Posted by ooottafvgvah View Post
It was a JOKE.
Yep, that's what people always say... and then they add, "S/he (or you) can't take a joke" as though the one maligned is also the one at fault.

I think posting it was out of line.
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No. 7
Old Apr 17, 2009, 03:19 PM

Default Re: Too much estrogen! Women! Ahh!
Originally Posted by Angie O'Plasty, RN View Post
I respectfully disagree. I was taught that jokes like that are not really jokes, and friends who pull jokes like that are not really friends.
Right, and someone who is so upset about something silly like this wouldn't be a friend of mine, either. I would never suggest that two people who have these opposite personalities should hang out or be friends.

My point is though that this time it was just a misunderstanding and she should get over it. If it continued to happen despite her feelings, then it gets into bullying which is a real problem, and totally separate from this.
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No. 8
from mochabean
Old Apr 20, 2009, 02:15 AM

Default Re: Too much estrogen! Women! Ahh!
I think this is absolutely silly. You didn't intend to hurt her, you apologized once, and if she doesn't accept it, then that's her problem. If she didn't want anyone to see a picture of her making funny faces, she shouldn't have taken the picture in the first place. But it's no big deal, people make funny faces all the time. What if this girl gets her photo taken for a work badge and she thinks the photo makes her look goofy? Is she going to to cover the photo up with a bunch of stickers? I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like that either. Her insecurity is not your problem, so just drop it and move on.
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No. 9
from klarck
Old Apr 20, 2009, 02:26 PM

Default Re: Too much estrogen! Women! Ahh!
Humor is sometimes generated at the expense of others and sometimes at the expense of the joker himself. Chose the former at your own risk.

BTW, If you don't want some of your behavior simply dismissed as due to "too much testosterone", you'd do well to drop the "too much estrogen" crap. Treat your peers as people, not endocrine systems. (I'm a guy)
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