Marriage and Nursing school ?

LBH32C · Mar 13, 2006

Well, and to answer the other question mentioned... has anyone gotten married while IN nursing school? And how difficult was that? Is it better to just wait?

shodobe · Mar 19, 2006

I got married in the second year and it was no probelm. After 30 years of marriage I think my wife has gotten use to me being away. I told her before we got married that for my 2 years in NS it would be hard for both of us. She had to shoulder a majority of the finances while I worked part-time and went to school. This was at a time where we lived well off of the total gross income of $1200/month! I told her that me going to NS would pay off for both of us down the road and not to get frustrated. I went from making $7/hr in the beginning to over $42/hr now. She hasn't worked for years because of my earning potential and I think she appreciates that. We had to have a very solid understanding before school so there would be no misunderstandings about what we both expected from each other. There has to be a plan in place and not to vary from it along the way. There will be bumps in the road, believe me I had them, but you both have to continue to remind each other of the benefits that will come in the end.Decide what is best for you and look down the road for what will be the best for you and your family. Good luck!

LBH32C · Mar 20, 2006

I appreciate your insight. It seems to be very difficult. I think we might just wait. It seems to be smarter at least.

hotdog19d · Mar 26, 2006

My wife and I are both going to shool, its hard but I think it will make or relationship stronger.

nicenurse911121 · Mar 30, 2006

I agree with alot of posters replies, and alot hit the nail on the head.... emotional support. Not having that can make you realize how shallow your signifigant other is after you have sacrificed everything for them and the children for years, and now do for you. I worked 36 hours on weekends, and went to school full time, having to wait until after the kids were in bed to study, because no help with them, cooking and cleaning continued, paid for it all myself (of course couldnt get pell or any help) as well as childcare then the normal bills I paid...so been a nurse for 7 years now and slowly my marraige has dwindled, now its time to move on with life, give the kids my continued love as well as love myself for a change, and be proud of how I spent my life... eventhough a marraige fails, doesnt mean you are a failure. It takes two to make it or break it, and being a giver all the time as most of us nurses are, we need some giving gave back to survive and sometimes our spouses forget we are a person who cant do it all. So maybe one day I can find someone who can love me, support and be proud of my career as I would him, and be a compliment to mine and my children's lives:)

tattoomysoul · Mar 30, 2006

I agree with alot of posters replies, and alot hit the nail on the head.... emotional support. Not having that can make you realize how shallow your signifigant other is after you have sacrificed everything for them and the children for years, and now do for you. I worked 36 hours on weekends, and went to school full time, having to wait until after the kids were in bed to study, because no help with them, cooking and cleaning continued, paid for it all myself (of course couldnt get pell or any help) as well as childcare then the normal bills I paid...so been a nurse for 7 years now and slowly my marraige has dwindled, now its time to move on with life, give the kids my continued love as well as love myself for a change, and be proud of how I spent my life... eventhough a marraige fails, doesnt mean you are a failure. It takes two to make it or break it, and being a giver all the time as most of us nurses are, we need some giving gave back to survive and sometimes our spouses forget we are a person who cant do it all. So maybe one day I can find someone who can love me, support and be proud of my career as I would him, and be a compliment to mine and my children's lives:)

Wow Nicenurse!!!!! I am doing all my generals right now and hope to enter NS next fall....I know this is exactly what is going to happen to my marriage. It's been this way the whole 18 years weve been married. But I am tired of putting my wants and needs last...It's time I started doing something for myself and this is what I've always wanted to do!!!! Just to let you experience a portion of what I have to deal with...I had a job interview last night at 11:00 (for a 3rd shift job)...My DH truck was broke down, so he was driving mine....He called at 7 and said he was gonna stop off and have a beer with his buddy...I say Fine, just be home by 10:30 so I can go to my interview...He says ok....Needless to say, at 10:45, he's still not home and won't answer his phone....He comes in at 5:00am, takes a shower and goes to work....OOOHHH I was so pissed!! :madface: :angryfire :angryfire :angryfire SO divorce court and nursing school, here I come!!!:smiley_aa

Thanks y'all for letting me vent...I feel so much better!!

lyleg · Apr 1, 2006

It definately depends on the kind of marriage you have before you start school. If a couple of years of nursing school breaks your marriage, then it was probably not that strong to begin with. I am about to finish up my first semester of a 2 yr program, and I work full time. I've been married for three years. It has been tough, but I have a very loving, supportive wife. We had an understanding with each other of how this was gonna be before I started. The one thing that we keep in mind is that it will all have been worthwhile in the end, with the job security, financial security, and me doing something that I love to do.

Alexandres · Apr 1, 2006

It definately depends on the kind of marriage you have before you start school. If a couple of years of nursing school breaks your marriage, then it was probably not that strong to begin with. I am about to finish up my first semester of a 2 yr program, and I work full time. I've been married for three years. It has been tough, but I have a very loving, supportive wife. We had an understanding with each other of how this was gonna be before I started. The one thing that we keep in mind is that it will all have been worthwhile in the end, with the job security, financial security, and me doing something that I love to do.

I agree with what you said about the kind of marriage you have before you start. One thing that has come out in conversation after the divorce is that she "felt like a loser because I was doing everything". Her words.

We did have an understanding before school. We talked about ad naseum during initial research, during prereqs, after acceptance into the program. That took about 2 years, and during none of that time was the above quote even disclosed.

I agree it's probably for the best that my marriage is over, but I miss being a family with our 3 kids.

nicenurse911121 · Apr 3, 2006

Dang we are in the same situation almost, just remember no one can make you happy but yourself, and NEVER let go of your dreams. I didnt have the same problems that it sounds as you are but ...nonsupport I did have alot of...hmm can you have alot of NON support hahaha. I put up with alot for a long time and now I am actually happy, can you believe that?? I volunteer as a first responder at a local Vol Fire Dept, thats awesome by the way, and also volunteer on a SMAT team for mass casualty responses. JUST DO IT :)Originally Posted by tattoomysoul

Wow Nicenurse!!!!! I am doing all my generals right now and hope to enter NS next fall....I know this is exactly what is going to happen to my marriage. It's been this way the whole 18 years weve been married. But I am tired of putting my wants and needs last...It's time I started doing something for myself and this is what I've always wanted to do!!!! Just to let you experience a portion of what I have to deal with...I had a job interview last night at 11:00 (for a 3rd shift job)...My DH truck was broke down, so he was driving mine....He called at 7 and said he was gonna stop off and have a beer with his buddy...I say Fine, just be home by 10:30 so I can go to my interview...He says ok....Needless to say, at 10:45, he's still not home and won't answer his phone....He comes in at 5:00am, takes a shower and goes to work....OOOHHH I was so pissed!! SO divorce court and nursing school, here I come!!!

Thanks y'all for letting me vent...I feel so much better!

nicenurse911121 · Apr 3, 2006

JUST BE HAPPY NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO

Wow Nicenurse!!!!! I am doing all my generals right now and hope to enter NS next fall....I know this is exactly what is going to happen to my marriage. It's been this way the whole 18 years weve been married. But I am tired of putting my wants and needs last...It's time I started doing something for myself and this is what I've always wanted to do!!!! Just to let you experience a portion of what I have to deal with...I had a job interview last night at 11:00 (for a 3rd shift job)...My DH truck was broke down, so he was driving mine....He called at 7 and said he was gonna stop off and have a beer with his buddy...I say Fine, just be home by 10:30 so I can go to my interview...He says ok....Needless to say, at 10:45, he's still not home and won't answer his phone....He comes in at 5:00am, takes a shower and goes to work....OOOHHH I was so pissed!! :madface: :angryfire :angryfire :angryfire SO divorce court and nursing school, here I come!!!:smiley_aa
Thanks y'all for letting me vent...I feel so much better!!

DaFreak71 · Apr 3, 2006

A few classmates of mine got married either the week before or within weeks after NS started. I don't think any of them are regretting that choice.

Keep your priorities straight. I've been with my husband for almost 10 years, we got through him going through NS and now we're getting through ME going through NS. Remember that you are doing this for your family, so don't ignore them during school. What good would it do to spend so much time working towards a goal to benefit your family just to have the family be gone by graduation time? Like Suze Orman says: "People first, then money, then things".

Take time each day to tell your partner how much you love them and how much you appreciate their support. Start dreaming of the first vacation you will take after you're a RN, keep your eye on the prize!

Best of luck!!

LBH32C · Apr 3, 2006

This is all very very helpful. Thank you so much. I may change my mind after all and go ahead and dive in and get married while in school (like on a break or something) since people have heard of success stories. I was beginning to wonder if there were any married nurses out there seeing as how stressful it is!!