Gay Nurses... help! - page 4

Hi - Wondering if any gay nurses have an insight into some concerns i've been having... How much do you self-disclose about yourself? What do you say when patients assume you are straight,... Read More

  1. by   Darth Nightingale
    i'm not gay... so as a request from us straight guys... just don't be to flaming at work, okay? occasionally you might bend your wrist too far (no big whoop, occasionally you might walk with a less than a "i'll stomp on your guts" gait but that's all okay too. do your job, be professional and orientation is a total non-issue. same thing hold true for us straight guys. it's a sad realization that every hot resp. tech doesn't want to sleep with me.. but it's true. (i think the rad techs are still so game but maybe i'll outgrow that notion too) so before you flame me (pun intended) straight guys, gals and gay gals need to follow the same rules as well. just go to work and be a nurse. bi-gals?.. pm me that's my $0.02 worth.
  2. by   meandragonbrett
    Quote from darth nightingale
    i'm not gay... so as a request from us straight guys... just don't be to flaming at work, okay? occasionally you might bend your wrist too far (no big whoop, occasionally you might walk with a less than a "i'll stomp on your guts" gait but that's all okay too. do your job, be professional and orientation is a total non-issue. same thing hold true for us straight guys. it's a sad realization that every hot resp. tech doesn't want to sleep with me.. but it's true. (i think the rad techs are still so game but maybe i'll outgrow that notion too) so before you flame me (pun intended) straight guys, gals and gay gals need to follow the same rules as well. just go to work and be a nurse. bi-gals?.. pm me that's my $0.02 worth.
  3. by   SuesquatchRN
    Quote from darth nightingale
    i'm not gay... so as a request from us straight guys... just don't be to flaming at work, okay? occasionally you might bend your wrist too far (no big whoop, occasionally you might walk with a less than a "i'll stomp on your guts" gait but that's all okay too. do your job, be professional and orientation is a total non-issue. same thing hold true for us straight guys. it's a sad realization that every hot resp. tech doesn't want to sleep with me.. but it's true. (i think the rad techs are still so game but maybe i'll outgrow that notion too) so before you flame me (pun intended) straight guys, gals and gay gals need to follow the same rules as well. just go to work and be a nurse. bi-gals?.. pm me that's my $0.02 worth.
    why should they accomodate your discomfort?

    gay men are over-represented, as a percentage of general population, in nursing. personally, i like that. since there are more of them than you why don't you just fit in better by flaming it up?
  4. by   Tweety
    Quote from darth nightingale
    i'm not gay... so as a request from us straight guys... just don't be to flaming at work, okay? occasionally you might bend your wrist too far (no big whoop, occasionally you might walk with a less than a “i’ll stomp on your guts" gait but that's all okay too. do your job, be professional and orientation is a total non-issue. same thing hold true for us straight guys. it's a sad realization that every hot resp. tech doesn't want to sleep with me.. but it's true. (i think the rad techs are still so game but maybe i’ll outgrow that notion too) so before you flame me (pun intended) straight guys, gals and gay gals need to follow the same rules as well. just go to work and be a nurse. bi-gals?.. pm me that’s my $0.02 worth.


    o.k. i won't be a flaming queen at work. just don't act so macho and butch, asserting your manliness. please don't talk about sports or chicks. please don't scratch your privates, burp or fart. it makes me uncomfortable being around such blatent straightness.

    just be a professional nurse.

    thanks.
    Last edit by Tweety on Mar 30, '07
  5. by   cardsRN
    i find it sad and somewhat troubling that in this day and age gay people still face such stigma and have to agonize over simple things like what it is "ok" to talk about at work. as nurses we are called upon to provide compassionate and non-judgemental care to patients from all walks/pasts. it is sad to me that some cannot extend the same compassion to a co-worker. i guess i expect more from us as a profession, that we may rise above catty-ness, gossip, and judgement. i say to the OP- you have the right to be yourself. at work too. i have worked with many out gay and lesbian nurses and they were open with staff and tended to deflect direct questions from patients. i will not say that a few staff members did not make snide remarks, but in general those remarks were not well received and only served to lower the listeners opinion of the jacka** who made them.
  6. by   NurseguyFL
    Hey Darth,

    This is not a flame. I just want to say that it was very interesting reading your thoughts on this matter. You know, I think this is really much ado about nothing. I find it interesting that some straight guys can be so offended by homosexuality in men but find it fascinating in women. (This, too, is a stereotype turned fantasy that many straight guys talk about all the time, but I wonder if the fascination would hold if two gay women turned up at a straight guy's door one night for a romp, only they were both so butch, athletic, and 'un-feminine' that they could easily slap, punch, and kick him across the room with little effort?) I find it amusing that some straight guys talk so much about gay men---at all. If, as you say, professionalism is really the name of the game then why get into the gay or not gay issue, again---at all?

    The most amusing thing about all this is the assumption (on the part of some straight guys) that all gay men are, by default, interested in them in some way, and/or trying to get with them, or deliberately trying to offend them. (Even some of the most physically unattractive straight guys who have SERIOUS problems getting dates with women believe this, which is simply hysterical.) I've had the opportunity to work with quite a few 'out' gay male nurses and I have to say that this assumption couldn't be any further from the truth. The stereotypes in your post are not characteristic of all gay guys. In fact, some of them look too good, have so much charisma, and are so 'macho' that even though they say they're gay the women are still oogling over them because they don't believe it and think they can 'convert' them if they get the chance---I know a few women who say they would very much would appreciate the opportunity to try with this one guy I work with, which I think is hilarious. But, seriously, what does it mean when a group of really 'hot' young single women bypass the straight Joes to go after an openly gay man they know they'll never get?!:uhoh21: Maybe Tweety has a valid point, that talking about sports, walking with gut-stomping gait, burping, farting, and scratching of the privates aren't necessarily the qualities that many women find appealing in a man either.

    I know many guys who are very delicate in their demeanor and mannerisms, and they are not gay. And then, there are the ones who go way over the top with the macho stuff to prove to everyone that they are not gay. Certainly not every straight man walks around with an "I'll stomp your guts" gait, or is into sports, or prefers to sleep around with a bunch of different women. Besides, a heterosexual man who is confident in his sexuality shouldn't feel obliged to act like an untamed animal just to prove his 'manliness'. Uncouth behavior does not define masculinity.

    Would love to hear the opinions of more females and gay men about this. ROFLMAO.

    Gotta love allnurses.com! Where else could one find such titillating discusion among such a diverse group of healthcare professionals?
  7. by   Tweety
    NurseguyFL, what is interesting about this is that mild-mannered gay guys face problems within the gay community. The phrase "straight acting male seeks same" is so common in the ads as is "no fats, no femms, no faries" (most decent sites don't allow this one anymore). Long articles have been written about the inherent homophobia of the term "str8 acting" as if that's something for us all to aspire to. The "leather" community and the "bear" community shun the less many gays. My gay preacher preached from the pulpit "flamboyant gays give us all a bad name". Lack of acceptance runs so deep we even reject ourselves.

    Many str8 guys get hit on by gay guys, but it's not rampant. But yet is used as a justification for such things as keeping gays out of the military. Sometimes when I hear the arguments from guys that they don't want to shower next to a gay guy I think "as if.......don't flatter yourself'.
    Men hitting on women is far more rampant I would think.

    I agree, people are comfortable with themselves (gay or straight) are comfortable around others, and allow them to be themselves. They are comfortable with looking at the femme male nurse and looking beyond that and realizing "gee, he's an awesome nurse, and I could learn from him, if I got to know him".

    Live and let live.
    Last edit by Tweety on Mar 30, '07
  8. by   Thedreamer
    Sigh stigmas. I think its been established that not all gay men have lisps, limp wrists and prance across the unit floor, and that all straight men arent macho beer drinking lady tamers. So why do we still have these unintelligent stereotypes?

    I am a gay male. Im in nursing school. Those two sentences alone seem to make other people imagine I float around the hospital throwing glitter at the patients and gay diva theme music plays when I enter a room. Its a stupid stereotype (my example is a bit extreme I know hehe).

    About your situation (The OP), do what you will but do it professionally. I am not comfortable being openly gay in the workplace. Coming from an EMT background where youre in a truck for 12 hours with another male usually... well you get the idea. It can lead to a uncomfortable work place. Nursing is a different field so it might be easier to openly be gay within it. I however do not plan to be open unless specifically asked in private about my home life. I mean dont lie ya know? OK well I rambled. I dont even think I made sense hehe.
  9. by   Cymy
    Quote from NurseguyFL
    The most amusing thing about all this is the assumption (on the part of some straight guys) that all gay men are, by default, interested in them in some way, and/or trying to get with them, or deliberately trying to offend them. (Even some of the most physically unattractive straight guys who have SERIOUS problems getting dates with women believe this, which is simply hysterical.)
    My guess--as a female--would be that those same guys are interested in getting in the pants of any female, so they figure that since a gay guy is STILL a guy, he therefore harbors the same desires towards all males that they (the straight guys) harbor toward all females. I think it's called "false consensus effect."
  10. by   ZASHAGALKA
    Libertarian talk show host Neil Boortz, in his recent book, Somebody's Gotta Say It!, reports that a University of GA study used a questionaire known as the 'index of homophobia' to identify homophobic men and women.

    (here's the test: www.bgsu.edu/downloads/sa/file14259.pdf )

    Having now determined which subjects were likely to be more homophobic than others, the testers THEN showed the subjects a series of gay and straight pornographic and non-pornographic video.

    The results: 54% of homophobic men showed definite excitement to gay pornographic material, while another 26% showed moderate arousal.

    Or, as Neil says, "Add it up! 80% of homophobic men show quite a little gay streak!"

    66% of non-homophobic men showed no response.

    Conclusions of the study: most homophobic men have repressed homosexual desires.

    I didn't say it. But Somebody had to! There you go, Neil.

    ~faith,
    Timothy.
    Last edit by ZASHAGALKA on Mar 30, '07
  11. by   ZASHAGALKA
    see above.
    Last edit by ZASHAGALKA on Mar 30, '07
  12. by   lpnguy26
    i havent been asked if i was gay by any patient yet. Surprisingly, they prefer me over the women. i had fellow students question my sexuality or thats how i interpreted it, "1st day of class and took some lotion out my backpack and lotioned my hands when a female asked for a squeeze, then she asked me was it womens lotion" i'm like ***, now she likes me and said back then she was just testing me. all i could do was laugh. i have no problem with homosexuals in the workplace, the thing that bothers me is that some of them just want attention for being gay.
  13. by   JerseyGuy
    Just saw this, and I'm a somewhat new member of this on-line Forum thing.

    I'm an age 50 career changer, with a same-sex partner for the past 17 years. Am currently a student nurse, in an Accelerated Second Degree BSN Program----and while initially I didn't "wear my sexual orientation on my sleeve", there are 13 men in our class of 67 students. Besides myself, as far as I know, there is only 1 other gay guy. It's just natural, once fellow students/people start getting to know each other, at more than the "HELLO, GOOD MORNING" level, that personal things DO come out. And it's certainly nothing I'm ashamed of.....so I've NEVER made any attempt at hiding it. From a personal perspective, what I share with fellow students is different than what I'd ever share with a patient in most circumstances. So my "plan" when I begin employment, is to be right up front, when/if it comes up. I can only say it's never caused a problem for me. One never knows, of course, what someone else could be saying "behind my back", but there's a saying that I believe in: "Whatever someone else is saying about me is NONE of my business."

    Good luck, and as Shakespeare (I think it was him) once said: "To thine own-self, be true."

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