Gay Nurses... help!

[quakerkid]

Hi - Wondering if any gay nurses have an insight into some concerns i've been having...

How much do you self-disclose about yourself? What do you say when patients assume you are straight, and ask you about your girlfriend/wife? How about when they assume you are gay?!? How appropriate is it to be out to them? to your co-workers? Certainly there is a double standard, as straight nurses would be 'out' at work (by talking about thier family, or feeling comfortable self-disclosing about their family), but what techniques do you use at work?

Oh, and if you respond - please mention a little about what kind of nursing you do.

Thanks so much!

EDIT: Thanks for the first several responses - I wanted to update my question a little. I guess I am asking specifically about the situation when patients ask about your personal life (which, during nursing school, we were taught not to disclose, since the focus should be on the pt. not on the nurse.) But at the same time, we have to build a healty, healing relationship... answers?

[AWanderingMinstral]

I love how many Bible thumpers today participate in "a la carte" religion. They pick and choose what fits THEIR lifestyle. Keep your "tolerance." I want acceptance. Period.

[SteveNNP, MSN, NP]

I wonder why this is in the MALE forum and not in the political or current issues forum....

Because 14 pages ago, it was not a political issue.

[patrick1rn, MSN, RN, NP]

I have worked with two gay guys. One guy was obnoxious, rude, demanding and generally not nice to others. Just a few weeks ago, my unit was called to go start an IV for his patient. His call did not include the word please or thank you . He works on the med surg floor. I used to work on the med surg floor, I would not want to follow him when I worked because he didnt really take care of his patients.

The other gay fellow I work has a nicer personality, but is still pretty lazy. He is outspoken politically to the left, and I am very politically to the right. He does an ok job as a nurse.

I honestly dont know why the first guy I wrote about wasnt fired. He is very lazy, doesnt work well with others. I imagine it would have something to do with him being gay. I work at a veterans hospital, we have alot of men who are RNs, LPNs, CNAs, X ray techs and the like. He is not a veteran himself either.

[sleepyRN2]

this is for patrick1rn, who is so apt in drawing a really "tight" case here. bravo with your convincing outline involving two gay co-workers, justifiably commencing with a conclusion of "i imagine it would have something to do with him being gay." you should get a job working as a statistician so as not to waste your amazing talent.

[Koyaanisqatsi-RN]

I honestly dont know why the first guy I wrote about wasnt fired. He is very lazy, doesnt work well with others. I imagine it would have something to do with him being gay.

Would you care to explain how being gay is related to being lazy and not working well with others?

Thanks.

[just_cause, BSN, RN]

Would you care to explain how being gay is related to being lazy and not working well with others?

Thanks.

It appears the poster of the comment was not inferring that his gay co-worker was lazy or working well with others based on his sexuality.

If you read the statement in context it conveys that he thinks that person was lazy and did not work well with others and despite these traits that he was not fired due to his sexual orientation. (assuming due to not wanting to discriminate.. but if they had any records/history of problems then that would not be an issue at all and thus the need for admin paperwork and manager intervention)

However, it clearly did not say that he his laziness or lack of team work was related to being gay.

Please don't spin an issue on a sensitive topic, when there was nothing implied by his statement.

- the OP was for advice for how much information to disclose on the job regarding your sexual orientation.

[sirI, MSN, APRN, NP]

Please keep political comment out of this thread. Several posts removed after post #133.

Thank you.

[sleepyRN2]

i was not trying to spin an issue from a sensitive topic, but to have written something such as his on a topic such as this may very well be misinterpreted, by many. what irks me the most is that loose connection, without any qualifiers mind you, of his two gay co-workers and them being lazy, and that former characteristic, much debated, in a hospital workplace somehow makes these workers, much debated, particularly hard to work with.

[Ms. Nurse Assistant, LPN]

Why does being single or choosing not to talk about your marital status with other employees equal gay? Are gay people the only ones single or private about their relationship status? I just hate that people presume those type of things.

I am straight, and I happen to be female, but I am very private about my life while at work. People are just TOO nosey, like to gossip, lie and cause too much drama so the only thing they know about me is my age and that I am in school.

[patrick1rn, MSN, RN, NP]

Would you care to explain how being gay is related to being lazy and not working well with others?

Thanks.

I was not going to respond.

But after some thought

I will

The man in question has a poor work ethic as evidenced by

his poor patient care. One time when my unit was called by this

person, He needed an IV in a patient. He said " Now and immediately",

to me on the phone and was rude. I care about the patients, this guy has

good veins, so I dont know why the man could not have done this himself.

I judge this person, not everyone as you misquote me. I judge him for being lazy.

I used to work on the same floor as this person. I still do not understand why

they have not fired him. It is presumptive to assume, but it is my right to speculate

[patrick1rn, MSN, RN, NP]

Why does being single or choosing not to talk about your marital status with other employees equal gay? Are gay people the only ones single or private about their relationship status? I just hate that people presume those type of things.

I am straight, and I happen to be female, but I am very private about my life while at work. People are just TOO nosey, like to gossip, lie and cause too much drama so the only thing they know about me is my age and that I am in school.

Yea people like to gossip. I only talk to 3 other guys because they can relate to me, all three of us are veterans. We have different political points of view but we also have a bond. One of the guys is gay, he keeps it to himself, the rest of us are straight, two of us are republicans and the other two are democrats. But what we tell each other stays between us and does not get spread. I guess it is because three of us have been in combat and we share a bond.

Good luck in school

[RochesterRN-BSN, BSN, RN]

I am in psych ER and including myself we have 2 nurses, a mental health tech and the head social worker that are lesbian. As well as a nurse that left that is Bi and my ex-partner used to work there as well! So needless to say I am out at work to my co-workers.....as far as patients, I don't generally offer this info. Though a had an older (in her 60's) lady the other day telling me about when I was talking to her about getting out and making some friends for support.......she had daid she was lonely and has not had a partner since the late 90's! She tells me that her therapist told her about a ladies coffee at one of the local gay/lesbian coffee places but she wasn't sure what night is was. So I tell her that I know of this place and that they meet on Thursdays........She says to me......oh are you one of us?---it was cute. I told her.....yeah actually I am , off the record of course. Thats the only patient I have ever told. It's interesting though because we actually get a lot of LGBT patients---both out and young patients who are questioning, or struggling with the process--I feel so temped to tell then and think that I should be able to but I refrain.