Need advice desperately

[pageturnstyle]

I'm in desperate need of advice. I am in the last few months of my nursing program and, though my classmates and I were told from the start that we would hate each other by the end, I find myself recently overwhelmed with guilt by my own awful behavior toward two of my classmates.

Let me give a little background: both women were reported numerous times by multiple clinical sites for negligence and patient abandonment. Though our instructors, the dean, and the president of the college are aware of their behavior, they refuse to dismiss the two girls from our program. These two classmates, emboldened by all they get away with, act arrogantly and sometimes with cruelty to other students. The morale and level of professionalism in our class has plummeted and I find myself becoming increasingly juvenile and angry in dealing with the two women. My closest friend even scolded me on our commute home today for admittedly hurtful comments I made to them shortly before. I once was a respected professional in another field and still am when I'm in clinicals or away from class. However, when I enter that classroom my behavior changes for the worst. I find myself feeling increasingly guilty and ashamed of my childish behavior. What can I do to make the situation better? I welcome any advice.

[caliotter3]

When you feel you are able, sit down and write a thoughtful letter to the people you feel you owe an apology to. Be sure to do this and give it to them in a sealed envelope before school ends because you may not have their home address to mail it to them. You should decide before you do this that after the apology has been delivered, if not before, you will gain enough control of yourself to treat them the way they deserve to be treated. Then learn from this and let it go.

[racefan88]

Don't beat yourself up completely, it's hard to deal with these types of people. I know the type...late for class and/or clinicals on a regular basis, always trying to get around doing their own work AND they always seem to get away with it. THEN...they act so cocky about it as if they're somehow deserving of all the passes they get.

Unfortunately, there's not a lot you can do about it. Just try to rise above it. Concentrate on what YOU have to do to get through the program and hopefully never see either one of them again. If you feel bad enough to apologize, go ahead. I would suggest trying to have as little to say to them in the future as you possibly can.

Good Luck!

[pageturnstyle]

Thank you both for great advice. I guess I should just keep my nose clean and focus on my own final exams and eventual graduation. After all, I can't change the past.

[StudentNurse2011]

I agree with an earlier answer - don't beat yourself up too much about this. First of all, nursing school is one of the most stressful situations I've ever been in. Second of all, for better or worse, during this time in our careers, we (the nursing class) are a family. Like all families, some of us don't get along. Dysfunctional? Definitely.

That being said, there are a couple of things to remember. First of all, you'll probably run across people in your career that you clash with as much or more than these students. It really is better to learn to deal with it now. The other thing to remember is that the medical community (even in larger towns) is usually very small. Be careful never to burn your bridges behind you, so to speak. The student you don't get along with now could very well end up being a coworker later, or even worse, a nurse manager. yikes!

My advice is to suck it up, apologize (preferably face to face), and make sure it doesn't happen again. We all makes mistakes, especially when we're under so much stress; the key is to learn to admit it, grow from it, and not let it happen again.

The flip side is that you may someday end up as THEIR nurse manager. That should give you enough of an internal giggle to deal with them when they're behaving less than professionally in school.

[DolceVita, ADN, BSN, RN]

I look at it this way...if you were rude (or whatever) to them publicly then I would apologize publicly.

Something like "when I said ______ to you yesterday it was inappropriate and I am sorry for my behavior. I have no excuse I was just wrong."

Don't say how guilty you feel. Don't say I am sorry if I upset you. Just apologize for your part and be done with it. If they have a problem still (sounds like they have had a problem all along) then it is THEIR problem.

I know this option opens you up for them to be obnoxious to you in front of others -- but it also shows others, like your buddy who called you on it, that you can take responsibility.

Try not to feel so terrible about it.

My 2 cents.

[DolceVita, ADN, BSN, RN]

I agree with an earlier answer - don't beat yourself up too much about this. First of all, nursing school is one of the most stressful situations I've ever been in. Second of all, for better or worse, during this time in our careers, we (the nursing class) are a family. Like all families, some of us don't get along. Dysfunctional? Definitely.

That being said, there are a couple of things to remember. First of all, you'll probably run across people in your career that you clash with as much or more than these students. It really is better to learn to deal with it now. The other thing to remember is that the medical community (even in larger towns) is usually very small. Be careful never to burn your bridges behind you, so to speak. The student you don't get along with now could very well end up being a coworker later, or even worse, a nurse manager. yikes!

My advice is to suck it up, apologize (preferably face to face), and make sure it doesn't happen again. We all makes mistakes, especially when we're under so much stress; the key is to learn to admit it, grow from it, and not let it happen again.

The flip side is that you may someday end up as THEIR nurse manager. That should give you enough of an internal giggle to deal with them when they're behaving less than professionally in school.

Yep what she/he said!