Being bullied at school (I thought we were all adults here!)

  1. 0 I am only halfway through my first semester, and I left clinical in tears, called my advisor, and now have an appointment with the department head/one of my instructors on Monday, because I am 27 years old and being BULLIED in COLLEGE.

    Not only that, but they call our patients "weird" and "gross," and FELL ASLEEP in a meeting with hospital IT personnel who made a special hour-long trip to come train us, at a ROUND table!!!

    They bait me into conversations, and then bring other things into it only to mock me and make fun of me.

    I expect professionalism, not elementary school. My advisor offered to put me and another girl in a different clinical group next semester, which is great. BUT, that doesn't solve my coping skills. I still feel like it's my problem, that if I were to handle things better it wouldn't be such a big deal.

    I feel guilty for being made fun of. But it is incessant. I realize there's always going to be some of this in every environment, but I am SERIOUSLY thinking of giving up my dreams of PMHNP and returning to Clinical Psychology because I just CANNOT take it anymore.

    I'm supposed to go to the meeting with the department head on Monday with ideas for solutions, but all I can think of is to work on my coping skills (how do you assertively address passive-aggressive bullying???)

    Does anyone have any suggestions?
  2. Visit  granolatrees profile page

    About granolatrees

    From 'Bay City, MI, US'; Joined May '10; Posts: 49; Likes: 14.

    26 Comments so far...

  3. Visit  21strawberry profile page
    3
    Wow, that's really unfortunate to read. I would encourage you not to in any way allow a bunch of immature students to derail you from your career path. While I cannot hazard a guess as to why they are picking on you, it will only continue if you allow it. They must enjoy the reaction that you give them. It's hard to give specific advice without knowing what they are bullying you about (clinical skills, appearance, dedication to doing well), but I would simply tell them you aren't going to waste your time with them. You're serious about getting the most out of your education, while it seems they are more interested in being elementary students again. Leave them in the dust!
    apaz123, GrnTea, and LoriBSN2b like this.
  4. Visit  Philly_LPN_Girl profile page
    2
    wowww people are so immature smgdh. We are supposed to go to school to start a career, gain knowledge, and for growth. One girl in my class TRIED to bully me and say smart things until I put her in her place and showed that I wasnt the one. Maybe you need to be a little firm and set that tone for yourself. You can do it without being nasty and or getting loud.
    apaz123 and GrnTea like this.
  5. Visit  granolatrees profile page
    0
    How do you do that? Really. I do not know how to assertively address this passive-aggressive b.s. tactfully. I honestly somehow missed that lesson.
  6. Visit  melodiesreshon profile page
    1
    You need to tell those adult children you are not here for their games. You're there to become a nurse. Point. Blank. Period. Your focus is on passing these classes,getting good grades, and learning g as much as you can about the craft that you have chosen. Keep your head down in your books and stay focused on the task at hand. When they try to bait you into these conversations, either just look at them and not respond or say something real slick and keep it moving. They'll get the picture.
    Fearless_leader likes this.
  7. Visit  Tramore35 profile page
    3
    Wow. This is really sad. If I were you I would not even talk to them. I know this is a bit immature but when I have felt like this I just look at them with the ---- look I can muster and say, "Wow....you are ​stupid!". It puts them in their place every time. Good luck to you.
    Last edit by DidiRN on Nov 3, '13
    GrnTea, loveoverpride, and LoriBSN2b like this.
  8. Visit  Heathermaizey profile page
    4
    I guess my opinion on it is that you are not there to make friends or to get approval from anyone. You are there to get your education, do the best you possibly can, and get your degree. I barely speak to people in my classes. I have a couple of friends but I am there for my education, not to worry about other people. And I think that is how you have to take it. Just ignore them. They are doing it to get under your skin and it's obviously working. Move your seat and sit up front or just plain act like they are not there. The thing is you are in college. This is not high school anymore. You are paying for these classes so get in there and focus on that.
    apaz123, Conqueror+, loveoverpride, and 1 other like this.
  9. Visit  LoriBSN2b profile page
    1
    What kind of bullying? Do they snicker and whisper about you? Or are they outright nasty and saying things to your face? That's really sad either way. I'd ignore them if it's kind of subtle, because it may seem to your instructors like you are making a bigger deal out of it than it is and that won't look good on you, but if it's outright bullying and you have witnesses, you are probably doing the right thing by going to the instructors or director. My first response would be to dress em down, and I've got a pretty short fuse for stuff like that, I am the type that would speak up for myself or anyone I saw being bullied, but as a professional, you are probably doing the best thing handling it the way you are. Hoping things improve for you!
    apaz123 likes this.
  10. Visit  nekozuki profile page
    8
    Sometimes, I feel like we're a little too quick to throw out the "bully" buzzword. By labeling someone else a "bully," we don't improve ourselves or take accountability for our own actions. Personalities will clash, cliques will form, feelings can be hurt through subtle nuances, and you will have to learn to not only function, but excell in that environment.

    Honestly? I think you need to stop, take a step back and re-evaluate. Don't victimize yourself. Own your emotions. No one can force you to respond to perceived meanness; that is all you.


    I think it's awful that the kindest, most beautifully sensitive people in the world are also the easiest to snap at, dump on and be on the receiving end of whatever emotional garbage people are working through. But with that being said, you have to learn to toughen up, protect yourself and take responsibility for the ways you react. You allowed the passive-aggressiveness of others to make you leave the clinical site, something that would've had you kicked out of the nursing program I went through. And once you hit the ground running as an LPN, tears are nothing but blood in the water to the sharks of the nursing world.


    Jerkholes and jackwagons exist in every profession. If this is a problem for you here, it will be a problem for you everywhere. If you give up your dreams because of it, be prepared to give up dreams in the future as well.


    Honestly, my advice to you? Same as people who work with vicious or untrained dogs. Envision someone strong that you want to emulate. When you're around animals, project it. No one develops confidence and the ability to let things roll off their back overnight. But, you can fake it 'til you make it.

    Hang in there. You are the only person with the power to make yourself feel. Use it.
    Last edit by nekozuki on Nov 3, '13 : Reason: Fixing hilarious spelling errors
  11. Visit  LadyFree28 profile page
    1
    Quote from nekozuki
    Sometimes, I feel like we're a little too quick to throw out the "bully" buzzword. By labeling someone else a "bully," we don't improve ourselves or take accountability for our own actions. Personalities will clash, cliques will form, feelings can be hurt through subtle nuances, and you will have to learn to not only function, but excell in that environment. Honestly? I think you need to stop, take a step back and re-evaluate. Don't victimize yourself. Own your emotions. No one can force you to respond to perceived meanness; that is all you. I think it's awful that the kindest, most beautifully sensitive people in the world are also the easiest to snap at, dump on and be on the receiving end of whatever emotional garbage people are working through. But with that being said, you have to learn to toughen up, protect yourself and take responsibility for the ways you react. You allowed the passive-aggressiveness of others to make you leave the clinical site, something that would've had you kicked out of the nursing program I went through. And once you hit the ground running as an LPN, tears are nothing but blood in the water to the sharks of the nursing world. Jerkholes and jackwagons exist in every profession. If this is a problem for you here, it will be a problem for you everywhere. If you give up your dreams because of it, be prepared to give up dreams in the future as well. Honestly, my advice to you? Same as people who work with vicious or untrained dogs. Envision someone strong that you want to emulate. When you're around animals, project it. No one develops confidence and the ability to let things roll off their back overnight. But, you can fake it 'til you make it. Hang in there. You are the only person with the power to make yourself feel. Use it.
    ^THIS x 1,000 times!!!


    OP, the best thing for you to do is advocate for YOU; you cannot worry about others, as well as you must find a way to deal with annoying personalities; I don't see anyone "bullying" you per se from your post; just people with annoying aspects of their personality and you being the receiving end of it....you have a chance to nip it in the bud by putting it back on the person "baiting" you; set the tone of "I'm here to learn" and keep it moving.
    wooh likes this.
  12. Visit  granolatrees profile page
    8
    First of all, it is what it is. I've worked in social services with children for 10 years. And while I agree it's often a frivolously used term, bullying is bullying and I am not here to discuss semantics.

    Secondly, I did not leave clinical site early. I'm unsure what gave you that impression, but I saved my emotional issues until after I was done working, away from the group, and on my own time.

    Thirdly, thank you to those who offered realistic and compassionate advice.

    I'm going to meet with my instructor tomorrow regardless. I realize no one can "make" me feel. But after months of relentless teasing and petty b.s., one tires emotionally, regardless of goals. It wears on a soul. (This is our first clinical semester, but we have all had many prereqs together.)

    I've always done well in the work place with personalities; you win some, you lose some, just have to tolerate each other for a while and go home and forget each other. Dynamics like a small group, hormones, and immaturity I'm sure play a role in all of this.

    The underlying theme from all of you is "don't give up." And I will take that to heart. I will work on staying goal-minded and self-centered in my studies. I appreciate everyone taking their time to respond to me. Thank you.
  13. Visit  elijahvargo profile page
    2
    is it classmates that are dumping on you or instructors/preceptors/nurses/anyone else in a higher authoritative position than yourself?

    im a male, nursing student, ive been in a couple other programs, and ive never really encountered bullying very often, mostly because i make it clear after meeting someone within the first few instances--ill be cordial and professional, but if you say anything unnecessary to me outside of generally what you need to- unless we've already established a horseplay-like relationship--i'll verbally cut you up in a way that youll remember every time you look at me.

    it takes some effort to visibly get under my skin. it actually doesn't take much to get to me really, as i can be hypersensitive about my performance and i really dont take criticism of any kind very well at all. im the type where ill feel it was unwarranted/unjustified/biased, and if i really stop to evaluate my performance and found it to be poor, i'll harp on myself in the worst way for a long time until ive met proficiency.

    with that said, for me to verbally strike back means you've really crossed a line with me, and ill basically pull out your laundry list and air it out before your eyes haha. Its not very kind, but it works for me. But this of course only works for classmates and people of parallel/subordinate positions to myself

    if its a higher up, my only advice is to tough it out, try to be the best so they have little to talk about, and fake it til you make it. 90% of life is just showing up haha
    apaz123 and loveoverpride like this.
  14. Visit  minniebrown profile page
    0
    When I was in middle school, once or twice a bigger kid picked on my little bro or sis. What I would do is go up to them and tell them to leave my sibling alone or I will kick your @$$. Every time the bully was a boy and bigger than me, but it didn't matter. They always left them alone after that. So basically, prepare some "choice" words for them after clinical, or ignore them. But decide not to put up with it anymore. They are doing it because they know it bothers you. Stand up for yourself and don't let someone stop you from your dreams.


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