How to deal with divorce, work, school

  1. I'm an LPN still in school working towards my RN. WIll finish in May 08. My husband suddenly announced he wants a divorce. We have both been under so much stress but I had no idea he was so unhappy. Neither of use can financially afford to move out and he says he wants to help me finish school...he says he owes me that. I don't know how I am going to handle all of this with my last semester of school. Anyone been there? Any advice? I work 3 days a week LTC and go to school full time so we will be able to avoid each other. I want a chance to work it out, but he says it would only be delaying the inevitable. I am so confused.
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  2. 21 Comments

  3. by   Rexie68
    :smiley_ab

    Hang in there. It's SO hard on a relationship to be in school and working. I'm doing it right now and have had several arguements with my s/o. Give him some space and see how things go. He may realize how much he loves you. He may not. Either way, you need to finish school-you'd never forgive him or yourself if you didn't stick it out now & at least this way you can fend for yourself, should the worst happen. I think they have a hard time understanding just how much of our time is taken up by school....because it's not just class and clinicals...it takes a lot of our free time to study and such. I know my s/o gets upset about the time I want to spend with my nursing buddies..he feels left out. It has helped to plan a study session at someone's house and have him come along....the spouses, etc bond while we study! Anyway, I hope this helps. Please take care of yourself!!
  4. by   TheCommuter
    Here's a hug. (((((hug))))) :icon_hug: I am so sorry this is occurring.

    I have no advice to offer, as I have never been married. However, I will keep my fingers crossed for the best possible outcome in your situation.
  5. by   Fiona59
    Is your husband seeing someone else? Someone who has time for him? That sounds hard and callous but that's the reality. If he is seeing someone, you need to protect yourself (money and healthwise).

    If he's not, why is it inevitable the split? Do you have family nearby that you could move in with?

    Trust me the "avoidance" of each other only lasts for a certain period of time. Apart from financially supporting you through school and around the house, does he still expect sex?

    Money, sex, schedules these are things you need to sort out.
  6. by   Jules A
    Hi,
    I think Fiona's advice about protecting your self especially financially is important. Will you have any time during the winter break to sort that out? I'm sending you good vibes, it is a shame you have to go through this during nursing school. Hang in there, Jules
  7. by   pagandeva2000
    Many relationships have experienced turmoil while students are attending nursing school. It is grueling, and unfortunately, the student has to become self absorbed, because it is necessary, even if unfortunate. You begin to sort of bond with other people that your spouse cannot identify with because the entire life surrounds nursing, nursing, nursing. Did you meet your husband before you became an LPN or were you already a nurse when you met him? He may not be able to understand how it was in nursing school, if he did not witness either you or anyone in his family go through it. I was fortunate in that my husband worked evenings and every other weekend, so, I didn't have him in my face to ignore. But, it still reeked havac in my life because the house was a mess, I didn't know that his father was diagnosed with cancer and I had to change the date I scheduled to take NCLEX because we had to attend his father's funeral. We made it through, though.

    It may be that things may calm down when you complete your program. He may feel ignored, or as Fiona mentioned, it may be someone else. But, you are too far now to end this goal for yourself. If he does leave, you will be in a better financial position as an RN than now to support yourself should it come to this. Also, at the end of this semester, take time to evaluate the relationship. Was he always this way, or did it start, now? What does he do for a living? Many men know that nurses have more access to job opportunities, and he may feel inferior to you at this point if he feels he is not where he wants to be in his career or financially.

    I know this is hard, and I wish you the very best. But, try real hard to complete the program. You will need this for yourself. You may regret not finishing for the sake of someone else and always wonder "What if...".
  8. by   rph3664
    I get the impression that you do not have children.
  9. by   Diary/Dairy
    awww - so sorry this is happening to you! :icon_hug:
  10. by   sandy123
    Thanks all. It is soooo hard mostly because we can not afford for one of us to move out so we are still in each other's face. He tells me it is him he is giving up on not me, but can't give me a chance to make up for some of our problems. My mom died last November and I have been having problems dealing with that and feeling alone. I guess he felt like I pushed him away and that our relationship went from being fun to being work. All relationships are work, I think he is going thru something on his own. I have resolved to hope for the best until he serves me with divorce papers, until that day there is a chance. He says no but I can hope. I still love him. But, my study group is really being great to help me thru and I will finish school come hell or high water. It is just going to be the hardest thing I have ever done and I just hope I can keep the faith and keep it together!
  11. by   1BUSY SN
    Quote from sandy123
    I'm an LPN still in school working towards my RN. WIll finish in May 08. My husband suddenly announced he wants a divorce. We have both been under so much stress but I had no idea he was so unhappy. Neither of use can financially afford to move out and he says he wants to help me finish school...he says he owes me that. I don't know how I am going to handle all of this with my last semester of school. Anyone been there? Any advice? I work 3 days a week LTC and go to school full time so we will be able to avoid each other. I want a chance to work it out, but he says it would only be delaying the inevitable. I am so confused.
    sandy123,
    I sincerely feel for you and your current situation. I had just started school, had been out of the workforce for 6 years, and had 2 little ones at home when my then husband decided he would rather be single. I felt the same way you do. I would rather work it out. Heres what I learned - I don't want or need to be with someone who does not want to be with me. I am worth more and so are you. Although it may sometimes feel like it, my happiness or success does is not dependent on this person. It is however controlled by me and I can choose to be happy and successful or not. It is not worth ruining my education over getting caught up in the drama that life brings. I know this seems easier said than done but please don't make the mistake of letting this derail your career or education. Regardless of how it turns out this will pass eventually and life does go on. And lastly, we, as individuals, sometimes stay with others not because it is best for us but because it is familiar and comfortable and the unknown is scary. Being on your own for the first time in a while is very scary but also liberating and life affirming. Maybe taking a step back from one another will allow each of you the breathing room to decide if you are/will be together because it is right or because it is comfortable. My best advice is to be very honest and go to your husband and tell him you would like the ability to finish your last semester w/out undue emotional episodes. Ask him if you 2 can just work your different schedules and use this time as a breather to get your head together. Then when your semester is over you can make the big decisions. In the big picture of life a semester really is not that long.
    Good luck and I hope some of this will be helpful. I hope everything works out for you. But whatever the end result please try to just muscle through that last semester. You are so close to your goal not to realize it.
  12. by   sot75
    I think it all that work stress plus lots of miscommunication......I am in a similiar situation like you....but i really pray alot to Jesus....support from my parents, daughter and friends....you cant be dealing all this by yourself...i think you can use this platform to air your frustration... i am still coming into terms of all the similiar problem you are facing...I came across Laura Doyle the surrendered wife concepts and trying the surrender concepts.....hope it might be useful to you....some time alone for your own reflection is oso essential for you rite now....take care babe....god will help you in no time....just remember that in this world we are Jesus beloved child..........God loved you and will never leave us ......just share your problem with him.....
  13. by   MzMouse
    I'm so sorry you are dealing with this; what incredibly bad timing. Nursing school is hard on a relationship. Protect yourself and take care.
  14. by   lifeizgood
    :trout::spin:
    Quote from sandy123
    I'm an LPN still in school working towards my RN. WIll finish in May 08. My husband suddenly announced he wants a divorce. We have both been under so much stress but I had no idea he was so unhappy. Neither of use can financially afford to move out and he says he wants to help me finish school...he says he owes me that. I don't know how I am going to handle all of this with my last semester of school. Anyone been there? Any advice? I work 3 days a week LTC and go to school full time so we will be able to avoid each other. I want a chance to work it out, but he says it would only be delaying the inevitable. I am so confused.
    sandy123,
    I'm only starting my pre-req's to nursing but I know the stress I've felt with work, school, kids, and a house to manage. Keep your chin up.
    I went through two heartbreaks and survived both - although I wasn't in school I still had a job, kids, and life to deal with.

    LOL,
    lifeizgood

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