Employment terminated. Need help.

[roreyn02]

So I was just fired today. First thing management brought up was my passive aggressive personality... Ive never hurt anyone in my entire life, never neglected anyone or abused any resident I cared for. The residents I care for who are cognitive will all tell you im kind, I dont raise my voice and yell like many other nurses. But deep inside I carry a pretty aggressive personality, and ive vented around other staff and in very inappropriate ways. I swear about residents that get on my nerve.. They caught me making an offensive gesture in their direction in the resident restroom. The resident cannot see or hear what I am saying and doing, neither do the other residents. I dont say anything bad about one resident to another... But I guess I can see now that staff might assume im capable of all kinds of horrible things due to my way of acting out my aggression. Not good for the healthcare team at all. I deserve to be called out on it. I feel horrible right now. I dont mean any harm at all to anyone. I will take care of the residents to the very best of my ability no matter how much they get on my nerve, thats why most of them like me. These residents deserve respect. Even behind the scenes. There lives are very hard.

Now also what was brought up by management who fired me was incompetence. I was told that I am not assertive, my documentation is unsatisfactory and so is my knowledge. I will humbly admit that, this is probably true... I may not be the guy for the job as a nurse. My personality issue needs to be resolved regardless of what job I go to from here though, or maybe if im able to get re-training and counseling somehow and keep my license to practice. I felt like I was learning so much from this job and that I was improving.

I absolutely hate being a boss, I hate being in charge... Over the weekend staff were complaining to me that one of the aids was not "pulling her weight" and participating enough.. I would stop by and help her with ADLs and I was hoping this would get her moving... I can see how thats not right, I need to get her under my thumb and tell her to work. But im just so.... passive. Being aggressive is not the same as being assertive.. =( And being aggressive does not always mean your hitting people, throwing things, and directly cursing at a person.

If I lose my license due to incompetence, I guess thats fair... Its been tough, I cant think straight in stressful situations, I can follow directions very very well though, which is why I made a good nursing assistant. My main concern here is when management said my passive aggresive behaviors were "borderline abuse". That made my heart jump into my throat. Im so afraid that I might somehow have some kind of abuse record that will follow me around.

I dont deserve that. Im good with children, children I meet like me more than their own parents because im so tendor and kind with them, and im just like that with the residents. If ANYONE frustrates me though, no matter how innocent, I will swear about them and say aggressive things. I can now see that this is probably very shocking for my peers who most of the time see a light-hearted nice guy. Its such a strong contrast of personality. Management told me they were shocked to hear these things about me. Is my aggression alone, even though I wasnt damaging property, hurting anyone, or yelling at or putting someone down, enough reason to fire me? And, this was the first time I was called out on it... I mean, everyone no matter how old, how responsible has moments where someone from the outside needs to call them out on their flaws. If I were competent as a nurse, would they have called me out on it and told me if they see it again I could be fired? I know there are nurses out there with much worse historys than mine. I have a clean criminal record, never abused drugs or alcohol. And I hear stories all the time about nurses with history's of alcohol abuse, and DUI's. I guess there still allowed to work because of competence... Thats the key I guess. And I understand.

[LeggyNurse, ASN]

Does not sound professional at all. I'm glad you understand the consequences and I hope you learned from it and move on.

Good luck.

[loriangel14, RN]

So sorry to hear about your situation. Have you considered counselling? Take of yourself. Admitting you have a problem is a good step.

[roreyn02]

So sorry to hear about your situation. Have you considered counselling? Take of yourself. Admitting you have a problem is a good step.

No, not yet. As of right now I feel like the main reason for job loss was the incompetence. But im much more worried about the passive aggression. I dont want to be changed... I feel like this problem could easily be helped by closing the door, or heading to the restroom. In fact, I know that is all it would take... Nothing, no job or anything has frustrated me more than nursing has. I have every right to be who I am. And if it hurts someone else ill keep it to myself.. If I were competent on the job perhaps I would have been given a warning to fix the behavior. I dont know, I just wish I did know. I want to be able to come to terms with that. Im not a bully. I dont think I am anyway... maybe in my imagination I like to be especially when someone frustrates me. And I ALWAYS vent AWAY from the resident. Ill vent away from staff as well in the future. But I doubt ill be a nurse then.

[CrunchRN, ADN, RN]

1) get counseling so you may control your behavior and behave appropriately.

2) find a nursing job that does not involve much patient care or at least not urgent/emergency care. Work for a blood bank or something that is repetitive and task oriented so you can become very competent at it.

3) in counseling explore whether nursing is really a good job for you and your patients or not.

Good luck to you.

[Krzysztof]

I'm echoing some of the above: seek professional help. It can make a difference -- I promise you. Pardon the assumption, but I would lean toward saying that this probably affects other areas of your life as well. Not a dig -- just an educated guess. It's worth considering.

Mental wellness is underrated.

I'm sure you've worked very hard to get here and it would be a shame to see it all go away.

Best.

[Krzysztof]

No, not yet. As of right now I feel like the main reason for job loss was the incompetence. But im much more worried about the passive aggression. I dont want to be changed... I feel like this problem could easily be helped by closing the door, or heading to the restroom.

Dude, seriously... explore this resistance. Don't be insulted -- but something clearly needs to change. Leaving the room as a primary coping mechanism is not a long-term solution to anything, at work or elsewhere.

[Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN]

No, not yet. As of right now I feel like the main reason for job loss was the incompetence. But im much more worried about the passive aggression. I dont want to be changed... I feel like this problem could easily be helped by closing the door, or heading to the restroom. In fact, I know that is all it would take... Nothing, no job or anything has frustrated me more than nursing has. I have every right to be who I am. And if it hurts someone else ill keep it to myself.. If I were competent on the job perhaps I would have been given a warning to fix the behavior. I dont know, I just wish I did know. I want to be able to come to terms with that. Im not a bully. I dont think I am anyway... maybe in my imagination I like to be especially when someone frustrates me. And I ALWAYS vent AWAY from the resident. Ill vent away from staff as well in the future. But I doubt ill be a nurse then.

I am sorry you are going through this.....but,I think you need to talk with someone...making obscene gestures at residents is not OK. I think you do have some anger management issues. What "incompetent" things do they feel you have done?

[Here.I.Stand, BSN, RN]

I have every right to be who I am.

And your residents and coworkers have the right not to be subjected to your behaviors.

[LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN]

OP, there is a lot of red flags in your posts; you admit to the problem, yet it seems as though you are hesitant to evolve your "issues", even through this termination is an eye-opener for you.

The only solution is for you to seek help and evolve your coping strategies in order to be your best YOU... There is NO way around it.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

No, not yet. As of right now I feel like the main reason for job loss was the incompetence. But im much more worried about the passive aggression. I dont want to be changed... I feel like this problem could easily be helped by closing the door, or heading to the restroom. In fact, I know that is all it would take... Nothing, no job or anything has frustrated me more than nursing has. I have every right to be who I am. And if it hurts someone else ill keep it to myself.. If I were competent on the job perhaps I would have been given a warning to fix the behavior. I dont know, I just wish I did know. I want to be able to come to terms with that. Im not a bully. I dont think I am anyway... maybe in my imagination I like to be especially when someone frustrates me. And I ALWAYS vent AWAY from the resident. Ill vent away from staff as well in the future. But I doubt ill be a nurse then.

Counseling isn't going to change you, but it will give you better tools to deal with your feelings of frustration, anger, etc. It may also help you process your feelings about being terminated and make a plan for the future.

[Retired APRN, MSN, RN, APRN]

First of all, OP, thank you for your honesty.

From what you say, it sounds like you are aware that the anger you say you carry inside you is bubbling up and making itself known at odd times. This may even be happening at times when you are not aware of it.

It's hard to get to know ourselves, and it's really hard to admit that we have negative parts - but everyone does. Getting some good self knowledge and working to change the negative parts is hard, hard work but it is also incredibly rewarding.

I join the others in urging you to get some kind of counseling for your anger issues, other issues that may be alongside the anger, and also to evaluate your career path. It may sound overwhelming, but it's just about putting one foot in front of the other and doing the next right thing.

Good luck to you, sweetie!