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Public | | Entries: 24 (Private: 0) | Comments: 30 | | Start Date: Jul 29, 2007 | Last Update:
Nov 07, 2009
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| Has It Been This Long? | Now Playing:  Viva La Vida by Coldplay | | Another year is almost passed. Another anniversary of Doug's death coming up on 12/4. The good news is there were 2 more Heart and Hustle winners.
The first one is a wonderful lady. My#1 son and her son were college friends. Her son was SO proud to introduce his Mom to all his ccollege buddies. "Hey, see that lady? That's my MAMMA! She's gonna be a RN."
Well, last year, tragically, her son was killed. I know how tough it is to put your feet on the floor after the death of a child, but to finish nursing school??? She is one incredible woman. And now, has her RN license!!!
The second is a young man who had multiple setbacks, most of them financial-but, with the help of his classmates, ate and got to clinic and FINALLY graduated!! I'm proud to know him. An honorable young man-just like Doug was.
Getting ready for the December graduation and another winner.
Joey is bow 15 and had some major surgery in feb. He had a repair of a pectus carinatum and insertion of an Adkin's rod to stabilize his multiple rib fractures post op.
That was an interresting experience.
The one thing I learned from Doug's death is to NEVER LEAVE YOUR LOVED ONE UNATTENDED IN ANY HOSPITAL. I don't care how good they are, where they're rated in the system, etc. It doesn't matter. Mistakes can, and are made. It's just one more precaution to safeguard your son.
Joey was concerned that the hospital was 'going to kill me like they killed Daddy".
Told him, "No, this is a children's hospital. They're very good at what they do and they will take very good care of you".
'Yeah, that's what you said about the place where they killed Daddy.'
score
Joey 1
Mom 0
In pre-op, I inform the anestheologist of his fears, everyone else already knew. Thankfully, they allowed me to accompany him to the OR. As he's drifting off to sleep and I'm still talking to the doc, the doc says to Joey, "I PROMISE I will take very good care of you and nothing will happen to you."
Joey pulls off his O2 mask and says (very groggy) 'Good, have you seen my brother?'
Joey don't threaten the doctor.
The hospital staff didn't meet #1 son, 6'6", 260#, bodyguard, martial arts expert, dressed in black leather (coming from work) until 12 hours later, when Joey was in PICU.
When the night nurse commented that 'too bad he couldn't have stayed longer-Joey did better when he was here', VS, Pulse OX, etc were all so much improved.' even though he scared the heck out of them. I knew we weere on the right track! sigh
they came to learn that #1 will protect his little brother with his life. And Joey already knows it!!
I stayed with him from the moment he checked in, until the moment he checked out. I left his side only when #1 or one of my RN girlfriends were there, to shower, etc.
Day 2 (1st day post op), he was bleeding, had a temp of 102 and his labs were crappy. 3AM the "chief surgical resident" and 2 young, very young residents come in to examine him. "Well, we really don't wasnt to transfuse him-that causes too many problems, we really don't want to take him back to surgery, that causes too many problems, we're probably gonna just pull the J-P tube and put a 10# sandbag on his chest to stop the bleeding"
I don't think anybody told him that I was an RN, or that I had a nursing license for 36 years. The 2 gals who were with him are doing the bobble head, nodding in agreement with every word he's saying, not thinking for themselves.
The night nurse is standing behind him, cringing, waiting...
I smiled at him and said, "You DO understand that he has the equivalent of 30 broken ribs? You Do understand that he weights 90#? Nod if you know anything about the surgery that my son had? Have you discussed this with his surgeon? Forget that I'm an RN for longer than you've been alive and am fully aware of transfusion pros and cons as well as the pros and cons of taking him back to the OR!! And you want to pull his JP??" (hey doc, do you know what you're doing??)
This would have been his cue to play stupid and say that he confused Joey with another kid in the unit. But, no, it gets better..."Well, we could make it a 5#bag?"
 "GET OUT!!! AND DO NOT DARKEN MY SON'S DOORSTEP EVER AGAIN!!!!"
they turned and ran
the night nurse clapping her hands "I wondered how long you were gonna listen to that"
score
Joey 2
Mom 1 (but a big one!!)
Day 2 later in the morning
His surgeon has been in, we're getting him ready for a transfusion, this is the second day he's had the day nurse. Now, someone else comes in and starts moving beds around. I'm told they're moving Joey down the hall. Not out of PICU, just to another room. (Joey has Asperger's syndrome and doesn't do well with change.)
"Uh, why are we moving him?"
turns out they want to put 2 kids in that room who are both infected, so they want to move Joey to another room with a child who's not infected. OK, we can work with that. Until I find out, they're also changing his nurse. Because, the nurse who has the new room doesn't want to take the child in isolation, doesn't want to walk 2 doors down the hall.
Wait a minute..What about Joey?? What about the nurse who took care of him yesterday, who knows him, who has spent 3 hours with him this morning, assessing him, getting him ready for a transfusion...now she has to sign off on him, and get another new critically ill patient to start all over with, and Joey has to get another nurse to reassess him, and postpone the transfusion until she's ready??? NO NO NO!! Where in the hell is continuity of care?? I've been that nurse in ICU who gets dumped on and don't think it's fair or right for the nurse OR the patient. It's one thing if the nurse gets sick herself, but I can't justify a change in assignment just because of laziness.
Now, I'm sure some of the nurses are cringing about the overprotective mother, demanding, angry, out of control and that you're glad Joey wasn't in YOUR unit. Tough!!!!! I stick up for nurses too!!!!!!
I shot a text to a buddy of mine who happens to be the attorney for the hospital. About 5 minutes later, risk management was at the bedside, taking control. The compromise was that we would move rooms and keep the nurse. (Turns out 2nd nurse was asst mgr of the unit and gave me dirty looks whenever she saw me--oh well)
score
Joey 3
Mom 2
Day nurse 1
Asst mgr 0
The rest of the 8 day stay (5 of them in PICU) was uneventful. Joey got VERY GOOD care and I don't give a hoot that I was with him every minute of it!!
He still is not 100 %, but much improved.
Of course there's the HUGE scar on his chest that looks like a peace sign, or a mercedes benz symbol. Joey wants to get a triangle connecting the scar so it looks like his jiu-jitstu symbol! (when he's 18)
Joey's pretty excited that he sets off the metal detector at the airports and can show the TSA folks his scar (just to prove he's NOT a terrorist with a bomb strapped to himself----sigh)
Life goes on.... | | Waitin' On A Woman | Now Playing: "Waitin' On A Woman" by Brad Paisley | | Well, today would have been Doug's 57th birthday. We used to joke that he was EXACTLY 1 year and 3 months older than I am. Now, he will be forever, 55.
There's a country song out now called "Waitin On A Woman" by Brad Paisley. (Doug used to love country, the Daniels brothers, (both Charlie and Jack), Trace Adkins, Dolly Parton and others.) I find myself listening to country more since he's gone. But, this song says it all. The video is incredible!!! Brad is waiting for his wife to finish shopping and Andy Griffith sits down next to him in the mall. The story is that Andy waited for his wife, a lot, and Brad should get used to it, because she was worth the wait. It shows Andy in overalls in the mall, but as the video progresses, he's shaving, dressing in a white suit and looking at his pocket watch. It ends with Brad singing that statistics show the man's always the first to go, but, it's ok, because she won't be ready. And Andy ends up on a bench on the beach, which is 'heaven', and still waiting on a woman. But, he tells her 'take your time, cause I don't mind, waitin on a woman.'
It's just so special. When we got engaged, Doug transfered with his company to the west coast, got settled, then came back and we got married.
Now, I can only hope he's doing the same---where ever he is.
sigh
 | | Reflections and Ramblings | Now Playing: "Don't Blink" by Kenny Chesney | | Well, now that I have blackberry access, I can write more often. Yippeee!!!
Its Friday night and I actually have the whole weekend off. I won't know how to act. I need to wash the car and do laundry (sigh). Hey, we can go to the Orange County Fair!! Ah, maybe next weekend, if I get discount tickets. I'm getting SO cheap. (Thrifty??) Have jiu-jitsu tomorrow afternoon. This is pretty bad when the highlight of what used to be a party animal's weekend plans are chores and jiu-jitsu. If my old teachers could see me now, the shock would probably kill them. This is what happens to the rebel without a cause from high school. Just like the reunions when the star football player and the captain of the cheerleaders have lost their model good looks. LOL Now we actually appreciate people for what's .on the inside.
Gee, its 38 years since graduation. No reunions planned. Not like Doug's class who were very close then and still are, my class......well, a few keep in touch with each other, but,...oh well.
The car club that I'm in is having a chili cookff in 2 weeks. This is also a far cry from the wild toga parties and weekend runs we used to have. Getting old stinks. I tell my sons, "I may be getting older, but, I refuse to grow up". Now, my kids hide and act like they don't know me when I run with the shopping cart and jump on the end of it and ride it to the car.
Joey is growing (finally) and as I'm buying him new sneakers today, I'm suddenly realizing his foot is almost the same size as mine. (As it is, we wear each others shirts and jackets). He looks SO much like Doug--we used to tease each other that Joey was HIS clone, #1 was my clone with a 'Y' chromosome. The boys don't find this amusing (ah, no sense of humor)
Dinner?? Lasagna sounds good. I'm starving. Didn't eat today. Whoever thinks about 'lunch hour' obviously isn't in nursing anywhere.
As always, interresting day at work-one female drama queen (first thing in the morning) in booking SCREAMING "I can't breathe--I need an ambulance--I have rights". 20 minutes of this. Ah yes, screaming, hyperventilating, crying, and has a PO2 of 99, vs 126/70, 76, 24 and lungs clear. Sigh
Took 30 minutes to get her out.
Smoke detector is alarming-guess dinner is done. | | Growing Up With Joey | Now Playing: You're Gonna Miss This-Trace Adkins | | Well, it's been so crazy, and I haven't had time or energy to type. Joey is beginning to come around. I've enrolled him in Jiu-jitsu. #1 son is training to become a certified instructor there, so, I figured "what can it hurt"? 
Joey had been acting out at school, attacking staff. His little heart was broken and he wanted to put everybody around him in as much physical pain as he was in emotional pain. Now, it seems like it was only happening at school, so they all had to wonder, 'why?'..seems simple to me..Joey's not stupid enough to attack his 6'6", 240# brother, OR his mother, who started martial arts training in 1966. (even though Joey and I are about the same size). But the staff at school was fair game, I guess. I have VERY clear rules, schedules and expectations for the boys, whereas the school has a more laid back attitude. Now, I suppose this works well with some, but, I've trained Rottweillers for too long. I'm clear in what I want and when I want it done. (The school looks at me in horror when I equate the two.) However, I have dogs (and sons) that are fairly well behaved in public (consistantly with the dogs, most of the time with the boys). The school just doesn't appreciate my totalitarian approach. (sigh). We're coming to a meeting of the minds, slowly. (basically, 'my way or the highway'):scrm:
If I can get Joey to grasp the concept of 'not giving up your power', 'when you're out of control, you accomplish nothing', he'd be fine.
So, now that he's enrolled in jiu-jitsu, he's realizing just how much power he has. He has to learn how to walk away from 'stuff'. That he is getting stronger, bigger, and (hopefully) smarter, that he can do a lot of damage, but he has to channel it. His brother puts it 'you're more dangerous and calculating when they don't know what you'll do, or when you'll do it. Right now, you're too predictable. Make them sweat, keep them guessing.' That seems to please Joey. 
I look at him and marvel--he's almost 14, growing taller (finally) and becoming a young man. He looks SO much like his Daddy-sometimes, I catch myself just staring and remembering when Doug was that age. He would be so proud of him and how he's progressing. 
I keep reminding myself that I must appreciate everything for what it is, tomorrow will be different and I'll want to do today over again.
Like Doug used to say, "It doesn't matter what kind of car we drive, where we live, how much money we have, what kind of clothes we wear--all that matters is how the boys turn out."
It's OK, Honey, they're turning out to be just like you were-men of honor, men of their word, good men. You're pleased, whever you are. | | Don't Mess With My Son | Now Playing: 'I'm A Survivor' by Reba McEntire | | Well, it's been another interresting week for Joey.
He's still grieving over his Daddy and now his Grandpop dies, too. The one feeling that Asperger's kids do well is anger. Not happy, sad, embarassment, guilt--just anger.
There's a kid at school who takes great delight in annoying Joey. He's older, bigger and probably has more 'issues' than Joey does. Not that I care about him (I'll call him 'John'), nor should I. I tell Joey that the most powerful thing that John does all day is bother Joey, and that by making Joey feel bad, John feels better and more important. Of course, it doesn't take much to set Joey off. All of the kids in this school have really bad social skills (AS at it's finest) and the teachers try hard, but, you just can't watch EVERYONE all of the time. Every time Joey and John are close to each other, a verbal thing starts, which leads into a physical thing. Joey will attack if provoked (which I keep telling him-unsuccessfully-he can not do) and scratch, bite, head butt, swing, scream and cry. This ends up in restraining him and sometimes, sending him home early. Now, Joey is having nightmares. He's asleeep, talking, crying, "Leave me alone John!! Stop it John"!!! I've been very patient, up until now. I blew a gasket this week. I told the school, under no uncertain terms, that Joey and John are NOT to be together, Joey is not to be in groups with John, that every time there's a problem with Joey, John's name is involved. I've had it. I couldn't wake Joey up for school on Thursday or Friday. He ended up sleeping until 1100 of Thurs, and 1230 on Fri. Of course, he's not resting well at night, talking in his sleep, crying, fighting, etc. So, what good do these 'groups, that are SO good for Joey" do, if he misses 2 days of school afterwards??? His academics are more important to me than his social skills.
Of course, the whole school is AS, so they have the social skills of a gnat.
At the school picnic, one of the girls said to me, "Joey has a bad attitude"--I smiled at her, (Now, this is a small school and all of the parents know that Joey's dad died.) I looked at her,
"Do you love your Dad?"
'yeah'
"Does your Dad live with you?"
'yeah'
"What do you think YOUR attitude would be like if you woke up one morning and your Dad was dead? Do you think you'd have a 'bad attitude?"
'huh?--well. yeah'
"OK, cut Joey some slack."
Harsh? Maybe, but why didn't her parents have this conversation with her? I just want to scream.
But, Joey is the one who suffers. And that makes me crazy. It also sets his brother off and HE wants to go to school and beat the snot out of anyone who messes with Joey. Never mind that he's grown, 6'6" and a professional bodyguard--where his brother is concerned, he's insane.
Time, time, time.....yeah, right | | Stress, stress and more stress | Now Playing: 'God Must Be Busy' by Brooks and Dunn | | Well, to update, Mom had a fractured thoracic vertebrae. No wonder she was in SO much pain. She ended up having a kyphoplasty. That was 2 weeks ago. She's home now, but still can't understand why she's having pain. Regardless of what I tell her, it doesn't help. (After all, I'm only a child and couldn't possibly know anything!) ARGH!!
No, she doesn't want/need me to come down to Florida and she won't come to California. sigh
But, I have to say she had AWESOME care in the hospital. (Thanks, Lakeland Regional Medical Center and it's nurses)
Meanwhile, I'm stressing out about a possible take over of the jail by a private company. I have to explore options, so I'm not caught at the last minute without a job. I don't know if the new company will hire the nurses here, or bring in their own. Plus, what benefits??? I don't want to loose my city benefits. They are TOO good.
I'm a mess right now.
But, this will ALL get better........someday......... | | Mom's Turn | Now Playing: 'I'm Already There' by Lonestar | | Well, I thought my Mother was doing too well. Only 2 weeks ago, we bury Dad, she's cleaning out closets, giving his things away, and 'moving on'. Doesn't want help from me or the boys. "I'm still in charge here!!", has become her mantra. So I let her be. She's 87, healthy, sharp, and still independant. (Except for putting in her eye drops at bedtime.)
On Friday, she develops 'pain' in her back. Excruciating pain. Sees her PMD, who thinks it's a kidney stone, gives her medication, sends her home. HA!! I knew this wouldn't last. Of course, it's now the weekend.
By Friday night, the neighbors have taken her to the ER. And she is admitted. I call the hospital, (which, by the way, is a fabulous place, but 3000 miles away) and tell them she has just 1. lost her husband, 2. spent hours on a plane (twice) and a wheelchair in the airport, and 3. has a hx of gastric problems.
It's now Monday, she had 2 CT scans done. No results from the last one. Pain 15 (on 1-10) and of course, "No, DO NOT COME HERE!!!" AARRRGGGHHH!!!
I tell the nurses, I lost my husband 13 months ago, my father 2 weeks ago, I'd like to hang on to my mother a little while longer. Thankfully, they are great, and tell me if need be, they will call me to come down.
Everything will be fine.
Everything will be fine.
Everything will be fine.
Everything will be fine.
(I can stop banging my head against the wall now)
Meantime, I'm in jail. Another day in paradise. But, I love it here. (Thankfully) | | It's Over | Now Playing: "Dance With My Father" by Luther Vandross | | Well, for the past several months, I've been dealing with Dad. 3,000 miles away and terminal. The doctor finally put him on hospice care, with a visiting nurse coming in every week. She's awesome, Mom and Dad love her, and she actually communicates with me. The first week in November, I talk to her, she tells me,
"He's not great, but....".
So, I schedule a flight to Florida for the weekend of Nov 16-18.l She's supposed to see Dad later that day.
She calls me, "When are you coming in??" I tell her I have a flight for the following weekend. There's a long pause...
"do you want the truth?"
Ah, yeah, I do better with facts.
"Of course, I don't have a crystal ball, but I don't see him lasting the month."
I'll book a flight for this weekend. So, I fly to Florida the weekend of Nov. 9-11. I get in around 10 PM and Dad hangs on to me and doesn't want to let go. I stay up all night watching him, waiting to jump up for his any need. He's still strong, stubborn and insists on walking to the bathroom, showering, etc by himself. In fact, HE wants to drive me around the next day. I put the brakes on that idea. He doesn't eat enough to keep a bird alive, maybe 300 calories a day. My Mother is beside herself. She comes from the generation where it's more important to have a beautiful home and nice table with good food, than it is to be successful in a career. Mom is doing what Mom does, she cooks. Then she gets upset because Dad won't eat. She figures, that if he eats, he'll live forever. Dad has lost his voice from a tumor pressing on the esophagus, neither one of them can hear for squat, both with bilatteral hearind aids that don't seem to work. They have trouble communicating with each other. I spend the days 'translating' and gently telling Mom that Dad's not going to eat, nothing against her, that's just the way it is.
Saturday, he's not great, didn't get out of his pajamas all day. I tell them that I'm saying. They are insistant that I go home. My sons are home left to their own devices, but I know that they are OK with hourly phone calls. They can rise to the occassion when necessary. But, Mom and Dad insist. I leave Sun morning. Sunday afternoon, I get an email from their neighbors that Dad was 'all dressed up at Mass and he and Mom were going to their place for dinner'.
HUH?
OK, he's like the energizer bunny. The calm before the storm??
Sunday night, I can't reach them, I call the hospital. He's there--he's had an MI!!! What next??? They keep him until Friday. I'm due back in FLorida on Friday. Again for the weekend. I get in earlier than last week, just in time to straighten out his medications, find out the pharmacy filled his prescription incorrectly, talk to the doctor on call, who, of course, doesn't know Dad, nor what meds he's supposed to be taking. Why is he on 3 beta blockers??? 'Hm--gee, I'm not sure'
I scream and hold his meds until I get clarification from the hospital. Which, means that the house supervisor has to go to medical records, because his chart has alreasdy been broken down and sent downstairs, locate it, and call me back. She did a great job, and I finally had answers at 2300. sigh.
Saturday, again, he's not good. On O2 most of the time, decreasing appetite, coughing, and choking, but still strong and stubborn. He tells me he's "going to live for at least 2 more years." (God, Daddy, I hope you do, but not like this. )
I know that staying will bring on another round of arguments from my Mother, so, back to Los Angeles I go.
Please, Dad, don't die on Thanksgiving weekend--I have too much overtime scheduled--don't die on 12-4, that's Doug's first anniversary and my sons can't deal with that. Don't die on 12-9, that's my birthday, gee, Dad, don't die at all, ok?
I tell them that I'm coming back 12-14 for the weekend, but have plans to stay for as long as necessary. I also am taking Joey with me--he wants to see Grandpop again. #1 son holds fast that he is NOT going--he has said his "goodbye's" in August and he doesn't want to watch him die.
December 14th, Joey and I arrive and amazingly, Dad look pretty good. The nurses are amazed, I'm not surprised, he's determined that he'll live through the holidays.
Joey tells his Grandpop, "Grandpop, you don't have to be afraid to die, because when it's time, Daddy will come and get you and take you with him. He'll take good care of you-wherever he is". I'm running across the room to muzzle Joey. Dad tells me 'I'm going home, with ...' and he names all of his 6 brothers and sisters, in order of their birth, then he adds, "and Doug".
He tells me that he does NOT want to 'go into' hospice. OK, fine, but come sunday, again, they send Joey and me back to LA.
They've got thing under control. HAH!
I should have known better.
Monday, I find out they have brought 'nurses' in 24 hours a day. I have a flight booked for the weekend again. Thursday, December 20th, I'm told that Dad's going to hospice. I'm telling them, 'that's not what he wants', but I get overrruled. I'm booking a flight out that day, now. I call the hospice he's going to, tell them who I am, who he is, give them my phone number, tell them I'm coming in tonight and they better take very good care of my Father. I'm frantic..my plane leaves at 2000. The earliest flight I could get.
I had a doctor's appointment for Joey that afternoon. I went straight from work, #1 was bringing Joey there. I get there at 1545. I'm standing outside of the building, when I get a whiff of Doug's scent. "Oh, my God, you have Daddy"--it's 1558. Several minutes later, my phone rings--it['s the hospice nurse. "I'm sorry..."
'I know he's dead'--
"how do you know?"
'my husband told me that he had him at 1558--what time did he die?'
"two minutes to seven" (there's a 3 hour time difference)
I didn't explain any further.
The reason that she called me was that Mom had gone with the neighbors to have dinner and they couldn't find her. Before I found her, she came back to say goodnight to him. He wasn't in there for 6 hours. I call the funeral home in Penna. They will have a funeral home in FLorida pick Dad up, embalm him and send him to Pa.
The plan was that when Dad died, #1 would go to Florida to be with Grandmom. Dad was going to be buried in Penna. #1 would take her there, Joey and I would go straight from LA to Phila.
Of course, NOW, we're dealing with Christmas travelers. The rental car I had in Florida last month for $10.00/day is now $85.00/day. The flights that I got for $400-$600 are now $1200 and that's with 'berevement fare'.
#1 says he's not leaving his brother at Christmas, especially that their Dad's dead.
Mom tells me to cancel my flight for that night, she's fine, she doesn't want us here. (uh-huh--like I believe THAT!!) But, I do.
She won't come out here, she's decided that Dad will be buried on the 28th. #1 goes to FLorida christmas night, flys all night, goes to her place, picks her up, turns right around and goes back to the airport so they can catch their flight to Pa. They HAVE to meet with the funeral director on the 26th. Arrangements have already been made, but, Mom hasn't chosen a casket, given them Dad's clothes, and she won't let me do it by phone. I'm trying to do whatever I can to make it easier on her, but she balks at every turn. Just like in childhood, whatever I do isn't the right thing, is too much or not enough. I can't win. I stop trying.
I have spent about 5 hours arranging flights, trying to get hers first, then everyone elses around that one. My sons and I are flying redeye flights and stopping over once. It STILL ends up costing $3,300 for all of them. She flips!! "I could have gotten them cheaper at the AAA". sigh
I take #1 to the airport Christmas night. I've booked the flights on United. At LAX, that's terminal 7. I drop him off 90 minutes before the flight. He's not checking luggage, so, no big deal. He calls me 30 minutes later. Screaming....turns out United booked him on a US Airways flight. THAT'S terminal 1..He's running across the airport and gets to the gate as they are closing the door. But, he gets on the flight. Phew!!!
We all get to Phila without TOO many more problems. I spend the next day meeting with friends and relatives. The 28th is the funeral. They do things a lot differently now than when I was little. Then, you had a viewing and rosary at night, the Mass, cemetary and reception the following day. Now, the have the viewing in the morning, Mass later, cemetary and reception all in the same day. A very long day. I'm worried how Joey will hold up throughout it all. He's been told he can play his video games at the viewing and the reception, but NOT at church or the cemetary. I hold my breath.
We are supposed to be at the funeral home at 0900. I arrive at 0830. I know better. Even though Dad is (was 94) and I know he was terminal, it still brings me to my knees when I see him in a casket. My Daddy is dead. Now, two of the most important men in my life are both dead. I'm heartbroken for the second time in 12 months. My sons are not doing much better. But, we pull ourselves together for Grandmom. She comes in at 0900. And she goes to pieces. By the 'start' of the viewing at 0930, everyone is contained, again. Things are going pretty well, until I see Doug's parents walk in. The nerve of them to show up here, especially after the fiasco they created when Doug died. #1 wants to knock them out. Instead, he and 4 of the 'Italian' cousins surround Mom. I'm with Joey. This is not the time nor the place for a confrontation. They walk in, all smiles. "OH, how are you doing?" I just glare at them. I can't even answer. "Joey, how are you?" Joey looks up from his video game, doesn't say, "Oh, Mommom-Poppop--I've missed you!!" but, very flat, 'Fine thank you' Classic autism, I couldn't have scripted it better had I tried. They got the message and went to talk to Mom, "Oh, we're so sorry about Jim". Mom nods, doesn't speak and #1 says, "let me show you the exit." and the 5 boys walk them out. AAARGH!!!
Again, I compose myself. 'I shoudda, coudda, woudda,' etc. unsure if I did the right thing. Wanted to unload on them, mad at myself that I didn't, hope they don't think everything is fine....wanting to scream....
On to the church where 6 of my cousins and my 2 sons are the pallbearers for Dad's flag drapped casket. I'm so proud of them all. Dad would have been so pleased.
Mass was beautiful. Lots of old friends and family, most of them didn't recognize me. Joey got sick on the incense and I almost had to take him out. But, he held up and soon it was over and the boys were carrying Grandpop down to the hearse.
Cemetary was rough-Dad is in the family plot, on one side is my Grandparents, on either side are my aunts and uncles..there is an honor guard from the American Legion for him. I tried to prepare Joey for the 21 gun salute (which, because there is a shortage of volunteers for Honor Guard and so many veterans dying was a 9 gun salute). It didn't work, it still scared him. They had to split the honor guard because there were 2 funerals that day. They had 3 guns, 3 rounds each, a leader and Dad got the bugler. 'Taps' was really hard. Then the folding of the flag and presenting it to Mom. I had roses brought in so the boys and I could put them on my grandparents graves.
This stinks. I hate this barbarian custom of putting Dad in the ground, in the dark, in the cold, alone. (Doug's urn is in his recliner in the living room). We have to usher Mom back to the car--she doesn't want to leave him either and I know we will be back again today.
The reception is at the Elks. Dad was a member forever. Strange thing, on December 28, 1967--exactly 40 years ago, I was at the Elks with Doug for our first formal--the Christmas Cotillion. Memories--bittersweet---I couldn't bring myself to go upstairs into the ballroom where we were. Dad's reception was in one of the first floor dining rooms. Just as well.
All that I could think of was all of the times I danced with my father in the Elks lodge. From as far back as I can recall. I took those times for granted. I was so little. What I wouldn't give for one more dance. I can't believe he's gone.
Godspeed Daddy. I will always love you.  I miss you so much. | | Everything and The Kitchen Sink | Now Playing: "Didn't We Almost Have It All" by Whitney Houston | | Halloween went well--I was up until 0400 sewing--Trekie turned out perfect..(but, I was too tired to enjoy it)...#1 was in a too long, black robe, (crushed velvet) with a capelet and hood...tan tunic under that and a cream colored dickie, black pants and knee high boots--think "Lord of the Rings"--he's 6'6", so he carries it well..his took the longest, simply beccause of ALL of the fabric involved...(7 yards in the robe alone) ....and of course, there was all of the talk of Halloweens' past "when Daddy was _____",
....that night, I sat on a couch in the mall, the boys went store to store with a boatload of other kids and parents...Joey inherited all of the loot...he's allowed to eat what he can that night--(of course, we have to eliminate the candy he can't have because of the braces)--other than that----have at it.....the rest is gone in the morning--actually, to work with me, along with the candy from my coworkers who think like I do--#1 bought Joey a video game instead of candy--Joey was happy--no, actually, Joey was thrilled.....
Now, we come to November..Thanksgiving...last year, #1 pitched a fit---I worked days, he and his Dad worked PM's, in 2 different locations...we didn't have dinner together..."I think that's attrocious"--he was MOST upset and displeased...I told him to stop..there was Christmas, New Year's, Easter, etc all coming up...we are a family who eats at least one meal together every day...then his Dad died weeks later and he says, 'see, I TOLD you we should have had dinner together'--he's right, but, like I told him, we are in an industry that works 24/7, (nursing and security, bodyguarding, etc)...wish I would have had a tailgate meal with the 4 of us during my shift...no more chances for that...I have decided that I will not work holidays anymore...they will be spent with the boys....don't care how tempting the time and a half is----thank heaven I'm not obligated to work any holidays--
I have been trying to spend 1 hour a day cleaning out cabinets, drawers, closets...I'm buried...I never knew we had so much stuff....I'm trying to rearrange..this might not be a wise idea, but, I can't stand it anymore...I even applied to a TV show where they come in, move most everything out..have a huge yard sale, then take the money they make, match it, and redecorate while the family spends time away, in a hotel...I don't know if I'm ready for somebody to come in and sweep everything out of the house..memories, you know...
yesterday, I went through one large cabinet in the kitchen..3 shelves...took me 4 hours to toss, clean, rearrange..and of course, in this cabinet was an old goldfish bowl, probably had been saved after a festival where Joey won a fish that lived for minutes..but, hey, we may get another fish, someday, so let's save the bowl...of course, THAT slipped out of my hands and crashed down onto the kitchen floor, splintering into a gazillion shards of glass!!--sigh--then I hear this little voice.."Mommy, are you OK?".... 'yes, but PLEASE stay in the living room!!!--I don't need to go to the ER today with someone'....
I'm trying to remember..'if you haven't used it in a year, you probably never will, so get rid of it', but it's tough....so much stuff has gone out in 11 months that even Salvation Army won't answer my calls anymore....have to find another charity...
Just trying to redo the kitchen is IMPOSSIBLE!!! Since Doug died, I've had to replace the stove, refrigerator, dishwasher, washer, dryer, microwave, kitchen faucets...(that's just in the kitchen)..I bought a microwave that is installed under the cabinets, has a vent in it, so it replaces the vent that's been there for 30+years..of course, I didn't take into consideration the height of everything..so, I can't have the thing installed..it will take up too much space and not leave enough for me to put a pot on the stove...can't move the stove down..then the vent is useless...can't return it to the store...sigh, I guess I'll just put it on the cart where the old microwave is...and use it like that...then get a new vent later....
There's also the countertops that need to be replaced..I had some fly-by-night handymen (who called themselves 'contractors') in to fix a leaky faucet...they ended up replacing the faucets, which are mounted in the wall, not in the countertop, SSSOOO, they cut a 2 ft wide section out of my backsplash to install the faucet...I ended up tossing them out, so I'm left with this hole that there's no sense patching because, after all, I DO need new countertops, sink and garbage disposal....so, I go to Home Depot to get prices..I'd like to get Corian and they are having a special that if you buy the countertops, the sink ($600+) is free....what they don't tell you is that the price they give you is a 'quote', based on your measurements...you pay for the whole thing, tear out the old countertops and brace the sink, (or they'll do that for you for $200.00 plus the sink), THEN they send the installer out to measure..oh, if the top isn't level, they can't do the job (but, I'm sure they can level it for another fee)...NOW you'll get an exact price..if it's not what you planned, you can cancell, but it's a $200.00 fee for them coming out to do the estimate!!!???...they also don't do ANY plumbing, connecting the sink to the plumbing, garbage disposal installation...NOW the countertop job that is estimated to be $55/sq ft (which includes installation-- and they HAVE to install it--they won't sell the Corian without installing it)which was estimated to be $1800 is NOW about $3000!!! OH, did I mention the sink that's already there is about 8" deep, the new sinks are about 12" deep, so I'm sure THAT will require redoing something!!! probably end up around $4000....I guess I'll just use the countertops and sink I have(with the hole in the wall where the backsplash used to be), for a little longer....there's nothing wrong with the cabinets, so they can stay..the floor needs to be replaced, it's got cuts in the linoleum..it's about 16 years old...also, the stuff they put on the bottom of the wall above the floor, I think it's called coving, needs to be installed..I don't know where the stuff that was once there went to.....sometimes I'd like to get a bulldozer and start over again....just kidding...
All the things we were going to do now that Doug was a RN...
Later for the saga of the bathroom!! | | Halloween | Now Playing: 'The Monster Mash'--trying to get in the mood | | It dawns on me, yesterday, that Halloween is on Wed. and I haven't sewed a stitch on Joey's cosume, yet. (Oh well, I always work better under pressure) He told me in no uncertain terms that he is NOT going as Harry Potter again this year. (Even though he looks JUST like him) This year, he wants to go as a member of Star Trek Voyager. Well, he really wanted to go as the scientist. It turns out there are 4 colors of uniforms-- red, green, blue and gold. Science was supposed to be teal, I think, but I couldn't get the right shade, as I was informed by my best freind, who is a devoted 'Trekkie" (or however you spell it) Of course, there's no costume to purchase, no pattern to use, so I have to make the pattern, then the costume---and hear all along the way, 'well, you made ALL of my brothers' costumes!!!'--yes, but, I wasn't working outside the home then....the only color I could match was the red, which is the officer's color...so, he was told it's that or risk criticism for wearing the wrong stuff--Asperger's kids have such an eye for detail and a mouth for correcting errors...I KNOW if it wasn't correct, one of the kids at school (who all have AS) would say something and he would end up upset.. I guess I'll be sewing all night tonight. That's OK..I do love to sew and do love the boys...SEW!! (so)  |
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