You know you've been in Nursing TOO long when...

  1. Thought I would share this will you all, found on a web site some years age and it still makes me smile, I used to put this in the New staff induction Pack it set the tone perfectly

    Discussion of dismemberment over a full meal seems perfectly normal.
    Your idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift change.
    You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.
    You believe that people should need a permit to reproduce.
    You believe that chocolate is a food group.
    You believe that the unspeakable will occur if someone says, "Boy, sure is quiet around here".
    You compliment strangers on the size of their veins.
    You sometimes refer to death as the "Etemal Care Unit."
    You occasionally have to leave a patients room before you start laughing uncontrollably.
    You believe that "too stupid too live" is a real diagnosis.
    You have asked patients, "What changed after 5 days (interchangeable with months/years) to make you come to the emergency department at 2 am?"
    You believe the waiting room should be stocked with a Valium salt-lick.
    When you mention vegetables, you are not referring to a food group.
    You are NOT surprised when a patient says, "I have no idea how it got stuck in there."
    You have weekends off marked and planned for at least a whole year.
    You sometimes enjoy psych patients for their "entertainment value."
    You think patient dumping should be a more literal term.
    You hate airbags because the cause, "unnecessary repeat business."
    You can accurately guess blood alcohol to within 0.5 from the patients breath alone.
    You create a points scale for suicides based on "originality and creative performance."
    You think education means a pamphlet explaining, "What works, a guide for suicidal patients."
    You refer to an unattended birth as a "bungie jumper."
    You are filled with jealous rage when you find a patient, "resting comfortably."
    You think the term, "Not for resus" is too cool for words.
    You day dream of retiring to some place where there's no old people.
    You believe that any evidence of faeces or urine about a patient - should be sufficient evidence for a DNR order.
    You believe that 999 should be changed to a minimum length of 30 digits to reduce the frequency of moron access.
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  2. 35 Comments

  3. by   BethannSiv
    Quote from Mike RGN
    Thought I would share this will you all, found on a web site some years age and it still makes me smile...
    Reminds me of some of the old EMS chestnuts...
    - If you are at an MVA (RTA) at 3am, and none of your patients is drunk, keep looking, someone is missing.
    - When given the choice between the Blue & white taxi (police car) and the red & white taxi (ambulance), a drunk injured person will always choose the blue and the uninjured always choose the red.
    - The closer a call comes to 3am, the more likely that it could wait until 10am when the Doctors Office opens.
    - Children are very creative when it comes to combinations of orifices and foreign bodies.
    - The more tools and gadgets a person has to have in their pockets, the less competent they likely are to use any of them.
    - ALways heed the following 2 patient complaints without question: 1) The baby is coming now 2) I think I am going to be sick.
    - The higher the floor a person lives on, the more likely they are to drag themselves up to their flat before calling an ambulance for a complaint for which they will need to be carried down stairs.
    - Patients who say "I have no idea how THAT happened" always do.
    - Always use tape to secure someone to a backboard- if they are faking or playing up, make sure the tape goes across their eyebrows. At least then you will be able to spot them more easily next time they call and make sure another crew gets them.
    - Always ask people with acute respiratory distress and/or COPD to put out their cigarette before giving them oxygen.


    Bethann
  4. by   kyti
    LMAO :chuckle :chuckle :chuckle
  5. by   Good_Queen_Bess
    V funny!

    You know when you've been in nursing too long when you think that anything that a patient can pull on (ie catheter, tracheostomy, arterial line etc) should carry a small electric current.
    Last edit by Good_Queen_Bess on Mar 4, '04
  6. by   canoehead
    Bess, that is a brilliant idea- I'd put in for a patent.

    I agree that the dumbest people tend to have the coolest equipment hanging off their pockets, and that they look for the least excuse to use them, and then brag for the next month. "I put a 12G IV in that LOL, slid 'er right in!"
  7. by   Good_Queen_Bess
    It reminds me of those nurses who walk around with a stethascope permanatley attached to themselves, but never go near a patient.
  8. by   BRANDY LPN
    Quote from Mike RGN
    Thought I would share this will you all, found on a web site some years age and it still makes me smile, I used to put this in the New staff induction Pack it set the tone perfectly

    Discussion of dismemberment over a full meal seems perfectly normal.
    Your idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift change.
    You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.
    You believe that people should need a permit to reproduce.
    You believe that chocolate is a food group.
    You believe that the unspeakable will occur if someone says, "Boy, sure is quiet around here".
    You compliment strangers on the size of their veins.
    You sometimes refer to death as the "Etemal Care Unit."
    You occasionally have to leave a patients room before you start laughing uncontrollably.
    You believe that "too stupid too live" is a real diagnosis.
    You have asked patients, "What changed after 5 days (interchangeable with months/years) to make you come to the emergency department at 2 am?"
    You believe the waiting room should be stocked with a Valium salt-lick.
    When you mention vegetables, you are not referring to a food group.
    You are NOT surprised when a patient says, "I have no idea how it got stuck in there."
    You have weekends off marked and planned for at least a whole year.
    You sometimes enjoy psych patients for their "entertainment value."
    You think patient dumping should be a more literal term.
    You hate airbags because the cause, "unnecessary repeat business."
    You can accurately guess blood alcohol to within 0.5 from the patients breath alone.
    You create a points scale for suicides based on "originality and creative performance."
    You think education means a pamphlet explaining, "What works, a guide for suicidal patients."
    You refer to an unattended birth as a "bungie jumper."
    You are filled with jealous rage when you find a patient, "resting comfortably."
    You think the term, "Not for resus" is too cool for words.
    You day dream of retiring to some place where there's no old people.
    You believe that any evidence of faeces or urine about a patient - should be sufficient evidence for a DNR order.
    You believe that 999 should be changed to a minimum length of 30 digits to reduce the frequency of moron access.

    My nursing instructor handed this out to us at the beginning of school
  9. by   Good_Queen_Bess
    You know you've been nursing too long.......

    *When you think EVERYONE in the country should have to work weekends and nights because YOU have to, and they should have to see what it's like. It's the only fair way.
  10. by   karenG
    Quote from Good_Queen_Bess
    You know you've been nursing too long.......

    *When you think EVERYONE in the country should have to work weekends and nights because YOU have to, and they should have to see what it's like. It's the only fair way.
    nope sorry not doing that.............. on the other hand might be quieter than where I work already!!!


    was thrown out of south bank uni canteen with some other nurses for telling jokes with were 'offensive'........... we were just exchanging normal nurse things!!

    Karen
  11. by   donmurray
    My all-time favourite is
    "You always wash your hands BEFORE using the toilet!"
  12. by   nexus
    I work in ICU and we say if the notes won't fit through the letterbox, we're not having the patient.

    (In our dreams)
  13. by   Mike RGN
    Quote from nexus
    I work in ICU and we say if the notes won't fit through the letterbox, we're not having the patient.

    (In our dreams)
    I like that idea
  14. by   ladytraviler
    How about the teen that comes in with abd pain, states no sex, and is complete and ready to push. But can't be pregnant.

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