Husband Doesn't Get It... - page 2

New hospice patient discharged saturday from hospital, terminal ca with mets; can't make it to her md appointment today. Tried to set up a visit 9:30 this morning; hubby said "no, she has a md appt... Read More

  1. by   leslie :-D
    if the pt can't remain at home w/o causing injury to herself, then i would gently pursue a snf.
    sounds like dad is feeling rather helpless.

    leslie
  2. by   AtlantaRN
    husband wants patient at home, patient wants to be at home. Daughter who took LOA doesn't want to do ANYTHING for the patient or the primary caregiver...she wants the AUTHORITY, but NO responsibility...

    Husband, who is stepdad to the 2 daughters are completely physically ABLE to help the husband...but they don't do a THING to help him. We go through expectations, and what is REQUIRED to help patient to stay at home. But still, Daughters will call me the day of visit and say "call and let us know when you will be there so we can be there." I drive 35 miles one way, they are 1 mile away, and I'll get there 30-45 minutes before they do!!!!!

    Patient is mostly in bed this last week, but it's just so sad. Daughters may show up for the visit, but they certainly aren't "present." Patients hubby is doing everything. Nurses aide goes out every day and stays 2-2.5 hours, i'm going out twice a week.

    Patient and husband don't want inpatient care...I don't know how to get through to the daughters. They are grown adults. One is the power of attorney for healthcare, but again, she wants the authority, but not the responsibility.

    One daughter called me yesterday to say "she has a headache, i'm calling 911 because she may be having a stroke." Now, this little patient is lucky to have a 90/40 BP; there was NO WAY she was having a stroke. They told me earlier in the day when I called the husband that she was drowzy most of the day and had only had 1 piece of toast....could it be that she may be "HUNGRY???" Encouraged her to have a couple pieces of crackers before trying to give her her percocet for her headache (patient is known to have headaches).

    I just get frustrated with the daughters.
  3. by   Liddle Noodnik
    Quote from AtlantaRN
    husband wants patient at home, patient wants to be at home. Daughter who took LOA doesn't want to do ANYTHING for the patient or the primary caregiver...she wants the AUTHORITY, but NO responsibility...

    Husband, who is stepdad to the 2 daughters are completely physically ABLE to help the husband...but they don't do a THING to help him...

    I just get frustrated with the daughters.
    So if you treat this as if there WERE no daughters - would the pt be allowed to stay home? And if so, what services would you be able to provide? You almost have to play it like that since you can't count on them to do ANYthing.

    As in the old adage, expect nothing and be delighted if you DO get something.

    Stinks but it seems there is nothing you can do to change their behavior!
  4. by   AtlantaRN
    patient is having a better day today. Talked to hubby about inpatient care...he is not interested--she is not interested. We have a contract with a local nursing home. She is more debilitated every day, he is doing his best, but like you said with no help from the daughters--it's like they don't exist.

    linda
  5. by   Liddle Noodnik
    Quote from AtlantaRN
    patient is having a better day today. Talked to hubby about inpatient care...he is not interested--she is not interested. We have a contract with a local nursing home. She is more debilitated every day, he is doing his best, but like you said with no help from the daughters--it's like they don't exist.

    linda
    Are you feeling any better Linda?

    I think, based on what you're saying, that you guys (you, wife, hubby) will just have to do the best you can to keep her comfortable and safe. As long as you document that hubby knows the risks of her falling if she stays home - what else can you do? You have to respect their wishes. Even if it was your own mom and dad I don't think you could force her to go into a home (then again, if you WERE their daughter, it sounds like you would BE there to help!)
  6. by   ktwlpn
    I was just wondering how things are going with these people-their story touched me...I hope they are all more accepting of her diagnosis and her and hubby's wishes to stay at home and the daughters have gotten their heads out of their butts and are DOING something instead of just talking.

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